Lipstick Stains

The Eldest Daughter

Whenever we were faced with hardships, ang laging tanong sa amin ni Mama, which we eventually adapted on our own was, "Mas mahirap ba 'to kaysa nang nawala si Papa?"

In between hard days at work, stressful campaigning, Mama being attacked left and right with disinformation and propaganda, and living with the challenges of everyday, the answer would always be no.

Walang mas hihirap pa na pagsubok sa mga buhay namin kaysa sa pagkawala ni Papa.

I guess ayun na rin ang dahilan why Mama remains the calm and undeterred person that she is. That in spite of everything, pinili pa rin niyang tumulong sa kapwa. Na kahit gano'n kasama ang trato sa kanya, she'd still look at people in the eye, smile graciously at them, and welcome them with open arms.

Hindi matutumbasan ang sakit ng pagkawala ni Papa ang kahit ano'ng pababatikos at paratang ng iba.

I see my dad in the littlest of things — in simple mathematical problems, in Patty's mannerisms, in Jillian's facial expressions, and in Mama's quiet strength. Those small details that made our life the way that it is now pushed me to go forward.

"Hindi na kailangan, Aiks," Mama told me when I asked if she needed any help. "Kaya ko na."

"Ma, hayaan mo akong tumulong," I insisted. "Wag mong sarilihin."

Nakita ko si Papa sa pagluha ng mga mata ni Mama pagkayakap niya sa'kin. His words echoed in my head. "Don't spend your time crying, anak. Take care of Mama." So I did. I held back my tears and took care of my family. I ran the household on the days that my mom couldn't due to work and I became my siblings'  other pillar of strength.

Naging lakas at sandalan namin ang isa't isa.

And while we traveled with Mama on her journey in public service and politics, there were days when we'd think na mag-isa lang kami. Na walang ibang kakampi si Mama kundi kaming mga anak niya. Maybe you could add her friends and her staff to that, but we didn't have huge numbers.

Not until we see the people who have been with us from the start again.

Like Tita Risa.

4 years after we lost Papa, Mama was running for Vice President. Hindi naman talaga niya gusto. She loved public service but she didn't want to be a politician. It was Papa's dream. Yet, she did it anyway because she knew that the best kind of service she could offer was if she could be given a bigger mandate.

Tita Risa was there through it all. Hindi lang para kay Mama pero para na rin sa aming magkakapatid. Lalo na sa akin.

"Are you okay? Do you need any help?" She'd constantly ask me. "How's work?"

And I found myself enjoying her company more and more over the course of that campaign. Marami akong nakukwento sa kanya, from work to my personal life, to stories about my siblings, and to anecdotes about my mom.

She listened carefully with a smile on her face. My mom and Tita Ris were like Yin and Yang. Mama's love was reflected in her actions more than her words. But Tita's were more on her affirmations.

Tita Ris is bright and comforting. If sunshine were a person, it would be her. No wonder Mama loved being in her presence.

"Alam mo, Aika, your mom probably never said it out loud but she's grateful for you." She whispered beside me as we watched the campaign rally go on.

"Sinabi po niya sa'yo?"

"Oo naman. She talks about you proudly. 'Uy alam mo ba si Aika natuto na naman magluto ng bagong recipe,' ang galing mo na raw magluto ngayon. She shares your achievements with me rin, may pictures pa nga minsan."