Escape is Only Temporary [boyxboy]

Chapter XXXIX

 ~Friday 19th August 2016~

Reece hadn't come home. None of the wolves had. Shepherd had been informed prior but he had hoped otherwise. He hadn't wanted to be alone the previous night, not because of the warlocks that lingered around the courtyard and the houses they were staying in, nor because of the alpha that Kai had attacked who could return at any time. Because of the crystal in his pocket. The calling card for the holder of the contract on his life, a direct line straight to whoever wanted him dead so badly. It was whispering to him, and Shepherd had stopped trying to drown out the voices.

In the light of the dawn sun, Shepherd settled down on the porch steps. The courtyard was quiet, only the gleeful chirping of the birds above breaking what silence might fall. Normally, Shepherd would smile at the birds, appreciating their song with every fibre of his body. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case that morning. He couldn't feel any happiness building from the song around him, instead just a heavy numbness weighing in his stomach. The crystal was draining him, consuming his thoughts and leaving him nothing more than a shell. He just had to look at it.

Removing the crystal from his pocket, Shepherd turned it over in his hand, a heavy sigh passing over his lips. It would be a simple ritual, he had already figured that out. He knew exactly what ingredients he would need, and what symbols to draw. The crystal was the center of it all, a power source to transport the contract holder to where Shepherd summoned them. He would finally get to know who was behind it all, who had caused so much death and blood in his life. But that would mean opening himself up to them, bringing the enemy directly into the pack territory, risking lives around him. He couldn't have anyone else die because of him.

Sleep had eluded Shepherd, however, that didn't mean fatigue drifted as the same. Making any decisions would be foolish when he was so tired. Right? Or maybe the drowsiness helped. Maybe it blurred the lines between confidence and fear. Maybe that was the best time to really think. Either way, Shepherd couldn't stop. He couldn't switch off, or move his eyes from the crystal in his hand, or think of anything other than the future. What future would he really have like this?

In the wake of everything, of Lafe's torture and his sons' new gifts, Shepherd forgot about the shadow following him. He forgot that was the reason he even stayed with Reece to begin with. He was never safe there, no matter what Reece said. He would never be safe until the hit was removed or... Well, Shepherd thought it best to focus on the prior rather than the latter. It was less pessimistic. Although, it did seem more achievable. Shepherd was tired, tired of running and hiding and being pursued his entire life. He just wanted to be at peace for once, and there only seemed one way he could do that.

Was it the noble option? He thought so. People had died because of him, Snowden had almost been killed too, how many more corpses would pile up around Shepherd before he snapped? How much more blood would be spilt before he gave up? If he gave himself up, everyone else would be safe. Snowden and Kai could grow up happy, not having to run like Shepherd did, raised by their father. And, yes, Reece would be in pain, but Shepherd thought that was justified. In a few years, the agony would fade. He would find another mate, someone sweet, someone who didn't walk side-by-side with such danger. Everyone would be better off.

Shepherd was afraid though. He had seen the afterlife, or at least a snippet of it. He had watched Porter's soul part from his body and it looked peaceful. How could he be sure he would get the same treatment? How could he be sure he would be blessed with a happy afterlife? Sinners were punished, that was the job of a demon. Shepherd's brethren, his ancestors, they tortured lost souls and bathed in the agony with a smile. Did Shepherd want to receive that same treatment?

Juda wasn't there, was he? No, he couldn't be. He was so young, so pure, there was no chance that he was trapped in eternal damnation. He would be in some heaven somewhere, some paradise full of lush gardens and happy spirits. With his father. He was at peace, he had to be. But Shepherd could never be sure. And no matter what had happened to Juda, that didn't excuse the mother he had left behind. Or the younger sister that would grow with little memories of her brother. Shepherd had done that.