Escape is Only Temporary [boyxboy]

Chapter XIX

~Saturday 25th June 2016~

Reece had been right. Shepherd was blossoming in nature. Sleeping under the stars, foraging for food, hiking with both Reece and his wolf. Shepherd had forgotten just how calming nature could be. It felt as though the energies in the forest were recharging his batteries, reminding him of their beauty and of the instincts that the warlock was beginning to neglect. Even the grief was subsiding. It didn't hurt so much to think of Juda anymore because anytime Shepherd caught a butterfly on the tip of his finger, he remembered that that might be the pup's soul. He wasn't gone. He was reborn. Into a life without so much pain, without the suffering of humans, somewhere deep in the forest where he could begin again.

It seemed like an age ago that Reece and Shepherd had bid goodbye to Aris and Tavien. That evening, as the sun was dropping low in the sky, pain weighed down heavily on Shepherd. He had seen the bundle wrapped in bloodied sheets laying across the back seats of the truck, he knew what it was. Even giving Aris and Tavien some tips on how to stem the decomposition with a few crystals, it did nothing to stem the darkness washing over Shepherd's soul.

The other wolves didn't look at him the same. The pair blamed him, whether they said so or not, it was evident in the way that they regarded Shepherd. Juda had been left with him, to protect him. Whether he died suddenly, caught off guard, or fighting to save Shepherd, it was the warlock's fault. Had he just not been there, had there not been a hit out on him... Juda would be alive. Porter would be alive. Who else was to die for Shepherd? Who else was to take a bullet aimed at him?

Shepherd had thought of ending his own life. That first night in the forest, as Reece hunted nearby, Shepherd had stared at the fire lighting up their temporary campsite. The flames wouldn't kill him, however, the Cicuta Maculata he had stashed in his pocket would. He had spotted it in one of the boxes in the truck and lifted it when the wolves were distracted. Even just a small dose would end his life in a matter of seconds. No one else would be hurt then. Reece would care for their pups, raise them as good men, love them through thick and thin. They would be safe without Shepherd, the dark cloud hanging over them would drift away to nothing. There wouldn't be rainbows, but the sunlight would be enough. Shepherd could rest happy knowing his family was blessed without him.

Reece didn't think the same. When he returned to the campsite, finding Shepherd tipping the last of the paste he had made with the small dosage of plant into his mouth, he didn't even hesitate. Before Shepherd could utter a word of protest, Reece was shoving two fingers down his throat, holding him still whilst he tried to squirm away, prompting him to throw up what little he had consumed. The taste of blood and bile coated Shepherd's tongue as his stomach twisted, wanting to expel the rest of the poison that was already seeping into his organs.

At first, Shepherd thought that Reece had anticipated his suicide attempt as the man produced a few buds of rosehip from his rucksack. Shepherd had lost all feeling in his body, lying paralyzed on the forest floor as blood oozed from his parted lips. Another few moments, and he might have succeeded in his attempt... Had Reece not crushed the rosehip with his own blood and forced the mixture down Shepherd's throat. The damage was reversed easily, the rosehips neutralising any water hemlock that remained. Death wasn't in Shepherd's fate just yet.

Shepherd cried a lot that night. Whilst Reece held him, swathed in one of the man's hoodies, rocking the warlock as though he was a young child again. With the damage to his throat, Shepherd hadn't been able to apologise to Reece for what he did until the next morning, when the regret rolled in. Killing himself wouldn't have achieved anything. The hit likely would have been transferred to someone close to Shepherd; Snowden or Kai, maybe even Reece. He was foolish to have ignored something so obvious.

The beauty of hitting rock bottom meant that Shepherd could go nowhere but up. As he and Reece spent more time in the forest, his mood brightened. Reece had searched through their things, burning the rest of the water hemlock and warning Shepherd that he would let him die if he tried again. That wasn't true. Reece would go to the ends of the earth to save Shepherd. That was why he had rosehips on him. He hadn't been expecting Shepherd to kill himself, he had admitted to carrying them for the past ten years, just in case he ran into the man in a time of need. He wanted to be prepared constantly, and his fears of Shepherd's untimely death had been what saved the warlock that first night.