i deeply envy those persons, who are deeply rooted to their reality. who knows what to do, knows where to go, and knows how to live. i had wrapped my head around my own little warped world and i loathed it. but what can i do? the vast world around me overwhelms me and I hated it more.
but is the world even real? it's the sky that is not actually blue but the sick deception of the universe. you believed in it because that's the only extent of what your eyes can perceive.
the world is unfair. like how humans admire the moon when it was only borrowing someone's light. it was beautiful just because it was the only brightest object in the sky at night. but how do humans hated the shine of the sun that keeps them alive. and only admired it when it's setting, when it's about to go away.
i built a wall, then let someone bring it down. i let him fix me. i let him destroy me. because there's nothing left for me but destruction anyway. I let him made me realize how broken i am, beyond repair. it was my mistake to see compatibility on both our traumas. i set my bars down low, because nothing ever satisfies me at all. i'm afraid all affections turn into emptiness. emotions explode and return to nothingness once again. I witness everything around me unravels like a whirling mirage as I tried to paint a picture but to only finish a chaotic collage.
how can life be so fickle? sometimes it is an ember that rages into an unquenchable flame. sometimes it flickers that it only takes a single raindrop to extinguish it.
the voices are distorted. my brains scattered bloody on the wall. it's so dark in here. i couldn't breathe. how can you feel so alive but not quite at all? it feels like I'm drowning. it feels like I'm floating in an ephemeral pleasure. darkness overflows and i tried to stop it, hoping it dissipates into the air before it could even leak out.
