Elayne Starwind - Padawan of Ashoka

Chapter Ten

I laid in my bed, devastated with the new found news.

Ahsoka knew my parents.

I couldn't control the tears falling down my cheeks.

My breathing became quick and unsteady. My heart beat kept going faster and faster.

Ahsoka knew about my past...

"Elayne!" Sabine exclaimed and ran into my room. "Why were you spying on us? Ever heard of privacy?"

Then Ahsoka came in. She had a different approach with talking to me. "Elayne, you shouldn't have heard that. I am so sorry-"

"Don't be," I snapped. "I don't need an apology. From either of you. Because I'm leaving."

Ahsoka blinked in shock. Maybe she didn't hear me from my muffled voice in my pillow. Sabine only scoffed. I repeated my statement. "I'm leaving. There's no reason to stay here if you both hate me."

"I don't hate you..." Ahsoka protested gently. "Please understand. If you knew what happened to your parents, you would be in worse state than you already are right now. Strong emotions such as anger and sadness can pull you to the dark side."

"That's all?" I demanded. "All you care about is whether or not I'm on your side? This is exactly why I don't fit in! When I'm on my own, I can be on whichever side I want. I can be on my own side!"

"I wouldn't mind if you left," Sabine muttered.

"That's another reason I don't belong!" I said and finally lifted my head from my pillow. "No one here likes me. Don't pretend that's not true. Don't lie to me again!"

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Ahsoka asked.

I nodded, but slowly stopped myself.

Did I know what I was doing? If I left, I would just go back to how things used to be. No food, no home, no family. I would have nothing except for my few belongings. Was this really what I wanted?

I needed time to think. Alone, like I had the past years.

"Get out," I muttered.

Ahsoka took a step forward. This time I mustered all my voice. "Get. OUT."

I didn't dare look at the hurt face on my Master as she walked out the room. Sabine blatently followed, showing no reaction except for the start tears from earlier.

I was left alone in my room, just how I'd always been the past years.

I found a bigger bag laying in the corner and poured my belongings into it. That included my blasters, my jogans, my picture, and my pencil.

I strapped it around my back and adjusted it a bit. Then I wiped away some of my tears and sighed.

For the hundredth time, was this what I wanted?

Did I want to go back to living on my own? On the streets? As a wanted criminal? And potentially get captured by stormtroopers this time when Ahsoka wasn't there anymore?

It was probably for the best. How could I live with people who hated me, searching for someone I didn't even know? It was like living with strangers. And technically, they were.

I walked through the metal halls of the ship and peeked into Ahsoka's room when I passed it. Her eyes were closed as she sat cross legged on her bed. She looked peaceful, unlike when I had yelled at her to leave my room.

Even though her eyes were closed, when I stepped forward, she said, "Yes?"

I swallowed. "Um... Sorry. I just saw you and... I wanted to say sorry."

Suddenly I got scared. What if she didn't accept my apology? What if she didn't understand? What if-

All my what if possibilities lists were interrupted when Ahsoka said, "Sorry?" Ahsoka raised an eyebrow. "No, I should be the one saying sorry. I should've told you the truth. That's what a Jedi does. Or a former Jedi, in my case."

I looked down. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have come. It's just as Sabine said. I'm just another body in the way of your guys' mission. You don't need me."

Ahsoka sighed. "I never said that. Sabine did. I'm welcoming you with open arms. You just don't see that."

My eyes swelled up. "Why would you do that? You barely even know me!"

"But I did know your parents," Ahsoka said. "They were wonderful people and excellent in their missions. They never disappointed their team."

"But I do," I countered. "I'm not my parents. I'm a failure. All I do is mess people's lives up, whether purposely or not."

"Don't think like that. You are yourself," Ahsoka said and patted the seat next to her, motioning for me to join her on the bed. I followed her order. "Elayne, you can be whoever you want. If you don't want to train with me, that's fine. Do what you want."

The question I had been asking myself had become an order from my master. I leaned against Ahsoka's shoulder and dropped the bag from my back. Quietly, I said, "I want to stay. I really do. But-"

"Then you can stay," Ahsoka interrupted and wrapped her arm around me. "I'll train you to be the best Jedi you can be. That's a promise."

That's a promise.

I couldn't deny I had the best Jedi master in the entire galaxy.