Chapter 29: Against Anyone
I should have known.
I should have known that after the confrontation with my father earlier, it wouldn't stop right there. I should have seen this one coming. I should not have let Kristan hover around without me. I knew that I couldn't warn him about my father and the conflict between us which involved him, but I should have been there for him instead.
After pulling him into my room and away from my father's unjust decision, I locked the door and leaned my back against it. He sat down on the edge of my bed, rested his elbows on his thighs, and ran his fingers through his hair.
I still couldn't utter a word. Pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod ako kahit na ang ginawa ko lang naman ay sagutin si Papa sa harapan ng lahat.
My heart was shrinking in my chest, tightening and clenching that it almost felt like I had just escaped a life and death situation. I've never felt this scared for a long time.
I got so scared that my words wouldn't be enough to save him. Paano kung ganoon na nga? Paano kung kahit na anong sabihin ko ay hindi ko napigilan si Papa? I couldn't imagine what would happen.
"You should have not interfered." Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin. Tumindig ang kanyang tingin sa paraan na parang gustong baliin nito ang pasya ko. "You didn't have to."
It seemed like the intensity of what happened was just slowly sinking in me. Nanlalambot ang mga tuhod ko na parang kahit na isang hakbang ay bibigay ang mga ito.
"I had to save you," I whispered.
He was just a victim of my father's vile plan. Humantong sa ganoon ang lahat nang dahil din sa akin kaya nararapat lang na ipagtanggol ko siya. Walang alam si Kristan sa mga nangyayari sa paligid niya.
"That's just wrong," he mumbled, looking down at his feet. "You have a reputation and image to protect, and standing up for a servant like me will not look good for you. Especially against your father."
I get it. I get that I stooped so low and even threatened my own father just to spare his life. I understand that my recent actions were unusual and didn't seem like me. I was aware of everything.
"I know that you are a good woman, Nathalia. You are far more different than what they see on the screens of their gadgets. You are more than a face of inspiration for so many young women. You are also a good friend, daughter, and sister to your brothers."
I wanted to laugh because everything he said was a lie. I have never been good to anyone. Not even to myself. I have countless regrets that I just chose to bury behind and pretend that I am brand new.
I am far from the good woman that he thought I was.
Sinubukan niya akong hawakan pero umiwas agad ako. Ayokong maramdaman ang haplos niya dahil ayokong kumalma. Ayokong mawala agad ang galit ko kay Papa dahil hahantong ito sa isang pagsisisi— hindi ko dapat ginawa 'yon.
"You can still make it right, Nathalia," he said with his low and calm voice. "Lord Severo is your father. Hindi tama ang mga sinabi mo sa kanya para lang ipagtanggol ako. Surrender me. I will be fine."
I shook my head. "You don't know what you are talking about, Kristan."
"Maybe. But I know that by doing so, you will regain yourself."
Regain myself to them by losing him? Fucking hell, no.
He tried to touch my face, but I flinched and walked past him. Dumiretso ako sa balkonahe para suminghap ng sariwang hangin. I gripped the railings and gawked at nothing, just like what I feared earlier.
