Chapter 34: Freezing Heart
My feelings didn't get better even after a few hours. When I took a shower, I turned off all the sources of lights. I felt disgusted not just seeing my wrinkled skin but also touching it. I put on oversized pajamas paired with socks to cover my lower body and a turtle neck sweater with gloves on top.
I didn't check my phone yet. Alam kong binabalita na rin ngayon ang bigla kong pagkawala sa gitna ng kaguluhan. Baka nga inisip nilang nasa building pa ako hanggang ngayon.
Kristan wasn't home yet. Maybe he made sure first that Kathlysse was safe. Perhaps he was still waiting for her to get her consciousness back. He's really that thoughtful, after all.
I wonder if he was aware that I was there, too?
I decided to take the stairs to the rooftop. Nakasalubong ko pa ang isang lalaki na may dalang sleigh shovel. Mukhang kagagaling niya lang din sa rooftop. Balot na balot ito ng jacket gawa ng sobrang lamig na panahon.
"It's cold outside," umusok ang bibig niya nung magsalita. "I just managed to clear the upper layer of snow off the floor. It will just get thicker later. Are you going up?"
I nodded. He was shivering even with those thick clothes.
"You better not stay there long, or you will catch a cold," he warned, walking to the side to give me the space I needed to proceed. "Snow is only fun on its first fall, isn't it?"
I just smiled and walked passed him.
Gaya ng sinabi niya ay makapal pa nga ang niyebe pagkaapak ko sa rooftop. Halos lumusot ang boots ko para lang makalakad sa dulong bahagi. Patuloy pa rin ang pagbagsak ng niyebe kaya hindi malabong mas kumapal pa ito.
I walked to the edge, where I could see everything. Up from this high building, I could see the roof of each establishment covered in thick white snow. The surrounding was foggy that I could barely see the lights on the stoplights nor the lights from the cars passing by.
After escaping from that smoky burning building, I am now standing in a hazy freezing place. I hate that I hate being here and feeling nothing. I hate that I like myself even more in that place where I feel like I am everything.
If happiness was freedom, then sadness was a dungeon.
"Do you know that eavesdropping is a trait only humans are supposed to possess?" I asked, turning my head to the door. "This is senseless for us."
"I just wanted to check on you," Kristan said, finally revealing himself.
"I have been looking for you around."
He wanted to check on me after he checked on her first. What an insult, not only because I was supposed to be his top priority but also because I hated it the most when I was being neglected.
I had so many words to say, but I ended up just staring back at him. His eyes looked colder than the weather and somehow hollower than my feelings. He seemed sadder than I think he was supposed to be.
"I-I saw you, running away with Dylan," he said, slowly closing the distance between us. "I was about to run after you when I saw Kathlysse hurt—"
"Why are you explaining now? You already made your decision."
He shook his head. "I just want you to understand—"
"Which I do, Mr. Admiral." I unclenched my fists, not letting myself go further his reasonings which I thought were valid. But I couldn't help it. "You made yourself clear when you chose to go after her even though I was there, too."
