The Book in Disguise

5.2

Apollo

"APOLLO," Steven called out to me when he noticed my low energy. "Hey, bro."

I didn't notice him, or more accurately, I wasn't paying attention to him. I was busy staring off in a certain direction, causing me to completely ignore my partner's presence. I didn't mean to ignore him because I was fully aware that it was rude. However, I just wasn't in the mood today. Well, to be honest, I haven't been in my usual mood for the past few days for some reason.

I don't know, maybe I'm just tired from the fourth day of training? Or maybe . . .

I scratched my head and stared at the fire in the middle of the students surrounding us. Or maybe it's because Vina? More specifically, sa mga ginagawa niya these past few days. I'm so bothered. I'm so fucking bothered but wala akong magawa to ease this stupid emotion.

I paused for a moment and took in my surroundings. Some of our classmates were chatting quietly while waiting for the teachers to tell us what to do. Others were joking around to alleviate their boredom.

They're students like me, who were invited here. Because we've been together for days now, we've become close to each other. We've become so close to the point that some of them have developed feelings for their partners, or classmates.

Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip nang mapansin ang mga bagay na sinasabi ko sa sarili—mga bagay na iniisip ko.

But maybe I was right...I am feeling this way because of Vina. Maybe...maybe that's the reason why I feel like this and why my heart is breaking. 

I smiled bitterly, acknowledging the pain before shaking my head slowly. Why am I feeling like this? We don't have anything, and I don't have the right to be jealous.

Since...

I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh, finally accepting my bitter fate.

The bitter fate is that Navina and I will always be just friends. That's it, nothing less, nothing more. Kahit na maghangad ako ng mas malalim pa na relasyon, kahit na tumalon ang bato, pumuti ang uwak at kahit anong milagro pa ang mangyari, hanggang magkaibigan lang kami.

Yes, I like Navina, for a long time now. Obvious naman e, at wala naman akong balak na itago 'yon. 

It's been almost a year since I fell for her. I just transferred to Del Xuel when I saw her alone on the side, I thought she was a loner, but she was also a transferee.

I was happy when I found out, realizing that I wasn't alone, so I kept talking to her until we became friends even though she was very elusive back then. I made sure she was comfortable with me.

Falling for her was not part of my plans, my plan was just to be her friend. But cupid and destiny played with me, and that's how the story of my one-sided love started.

I don't even know why I fell for her, she's so rough and foul-mouthed. Sometimes she even trash-talks when she's angry. In addition to that, ang ikli ng pasensiya niya, and she's petty as fuck.

She's the opposite of my standards for a woman but yeah, I still fell for her. Was I wrong? Maybe.

But I knew from the start that I didn't have a chance with her. Besides being bisexual, she was also traumatized by her past relationship, so she doesn't want to have a boyfriend anymore.

I also tried to forget my feelings for her, tried to focus on council work, but she's always there as my SSG partner. I even tried to focus on studying but I just can't seem to forget her no matter how many times I try. Dahil kahit na sa pagtulog ko, siya ang nasa panaginip ko.