Vulnerability

one: tori

My head is pounding. My throat is sore and i can feel my lungs giving up on me slowly. Apparently, that's what happens when you stay in a burning school to try and save it, and don't take the opportunity to get out. Charlie is here. He's sat on the chair that is usually placed next to a hospital bed in a hospital room; that's where i am. Now that a part of Higgs is burned down, i'm not sure what else could go wrong. Wait, yes i am. Michael could suddenly have some kind of injury that he didn't know about and it kills him. Oh my god i have got to stop thinking like that. Michael is fine. I am fine. Charlie is fine. Becky is fine. Lucas is fine. Everyone is fine. And yet, here i am. Wondering if there is a small possibility of anything else going wrong in this insanely fucked up world.

"Victoria." Charlie says, looking at me intensely.

"Hmm?" I mumble back.

"You just spaced out. You okay?"

I say nothing. Because deep down, I know that i am not okay. And deep down, i know Charlie will see right through that. I look at Charlie briefly, and he just nods understandingly while grabbing my hand.

"Tori?" He almost whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Would you-" He pauses. "Would you have jumped, if Michael didn't stop you?"

In a way, this question catches me off guard, but at the same time it doesn't because obviously it was coming. I could have killed myself, for gods sake.

"I.. I don't know." I sigh. "I do a lot of impulsive things, Charles. You know that."

"Yeah." He looks at me, sort of frowning really, but there's something else there that i can't understand fully. "Me too." He whispers.

He still has a grip on my hand, so I squeeze his, sort of like i'm trying to comfort him, i suppose. There's a knock on the door, and Nick comes in.

"How're you doing Tori?" He asks, kind of cautiously.

It's a stupid question. I am fine. I am not hurt in any way. Not even emotionally. I didn't actually jump. I only thought about it and me not doing it makes me fine. Right?

"I'm fine." I reply.

He nods, then speaks. "Your parents are here. They were just going to barge in or whatever, but I told them you were with Charlie and maybe it would be better if you two had some alone time. I hope that's okay." I sort of sigh of relief when I hear this. In no way am I in any state to confront my pushy and extremely overbearing parents. I have a headache.

I nod to him in an appreciative way, which i think he understands.

"I'll leave you two to it." He says, smiling a small smile. As he's about to open the door, he stops, and turns his head.

"Oh. Michael was asking about you. He wanted to make sure you're okay. You should probably text him."

"Thanks." I say, and then watch as he leaves. Charlie pulls out a book from his school bag, and opens it to a page and starts reading. I pull out my phone.

Tori: How are you doing?
(11:39 am)
*deleted*

Tori: Hope you're okay.
(11:40 am)
*deleted*

Tori: Ugh I wish you weren't there.
(11:42 am)
*deleted*

Tori: Thank you.
(11:43 am)

Michael: whatever for?
(11:44 am)

Tori: Saving me.
(11:46 am)

I cringed and cursed myself internally many many times after I sent that. But i find myself cringing even harder when i get another text from Michael.