VegasPete One-Shots

Double Edged Sword

The feelings of self-hatred and pitifulness consume him. He knows that he has to become better, to be better.

OR

Vegas's POV after Pete's escape

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Living in the minor family house felt like a nightmare. A never-ending one. I felt dread every time I came back home. I never stayed more than I had to. I knew I wasn't welcome because to feel welcome I had to defeat Kinn, and that was something I knew I wasn't close to.

I Always slept outside. Always looked to stay over at someone else's house or even a hotel. Everything was better than staying at home.

Sometimes I came back to check how Macau was doing. I knew I had to protect my little brother from my father. I prefer him scolding me.

I had some friends and hookups who invited me over all the time. Sex was a means to an end - to feel something, to forget. Like a drug that keeps you high. The more violent the sex was, the freer and in control I felt. In control of my stupid, miserable life.

I wanted them to feel what I feel. The hurt, the pain, the helplessness. Everything.

How could I act with kindness and tenderness when I, myself, never received them? Is it that surprising? The way I act? Would you do any better?

But then Pete came along.

At first, I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt Kinn. Wipe that stupid smug face that he has all the time. I couldn't stand my father comparing me to him. That right there is what spikes my anger the most.

'Oh, you worthless piece of shit. Can't you do better? Look at Kinn! He always knows what he's doing. Learn to be better than him and stop embarrassing me'

'I wish you had never been born you disgusting creature'

'I can't wait for the baby to be born so I could throw you and your brother out. I bet you won't manage on your own'

Father's words don't hurt me anymore, and neither do his beatings. Numbness is all I feel. But the feelings of unworthiness were rooted deep in me. How could they not when I had to hear these remarks all my life.

I never knew that such a person as Pete exists. Honesty? It was something I didn't believe in. But he proved me wrong. No matter what awful thing I did to him, how much I tortured him, and for how long, he never backed down. Always said what was on his mind. Always honest, always loyal.

His loyalty made me green with envy. Why everyone always chooses Kinn? Always loyal to that piece of shit. What does he have that I don't? It's not my fault I was born as the son of the minor family. Stop blaming me for something I can't control.

And as the days passed by Pete never quivered, never budged, always stayed true to himself. It made me respect and admire him. Made me feel attracted to him.

After his arrival, everything changed. I became happy. Pete has made me a better person. I know it. I could feel myself changing little by little. The comfort he gave me reached deep into my soul, vanishing every trace of darkness.

Finally, this lost little boy had someone to come home to. Someone to lean on, I thought. But life is cruel and when reality strikes, you know you have to face the music. And oh, face it I did. More than I would like to.

I know that I have to be held accountable for my actions. I know it. But I still can't stop myself from feeling hurt. It was my fault after all. I was trying to break him, but in the end, It was I who was left brokenhearted. I wanted to consume him, but it turned out I was the one who got consumed.

And now? He can take everything and I'll gladly give it to him.

I'm known to be a person who takes what he wants without thinking about the consequences or other people's feelings. But when it comes to Pete, I've got no excuses. I know that I have to become better, to be better. I just want him to be happy and I would do anything to make that happen, even if it hurts me.

I feel like I'm going crazy. I miss him so much. The sound of his voice, the smile appearing on his face every time he ate something he liked. The stupid out-of-the-blue questions he used to ask me, the phone calls, the warmth he used to leave on my bed. The feelings of safety and home that I used to feel when I was around him. I miss everything about him.

Ever since I started noticing how cute he is, I couldn't stop thinking about him. My sweet kitten. I know I fucked up. I know I hurt him. Can he ever forgive this low-life of a man? Please come back, I will never hurt you again, I promise.

Pete, I want to touch you, I want to hug you, I want to see your face. Don't leave me, I'm afraid to be alone.

The nights never felt colder.

'You're just one of his loyal, foolish underlings... and now, you're just my drain!'
These stupid words kept repeating in my head again and again. How could I say something like this to him?

All this time I kept him in chains. But now? It feels like I'm the one who's chained. My heart hurts so much. It's scarred. Like someone chained it and squeezed too hard. It feels like I can't breathe. I know I deserve it. Karma is staring back at me and I swear I can hear her laugh.

I didn't think my mental state could afford not seeing him, so I chose to stalk him.
I have to see him, even if it's from afar.

I know he hates me. I could see the frightened look he had on his face every time Porsche mentioned my name. He kept jumping around like someone who suffered a huge trauma. And he did, of course, he did.

I guess that he doesn't want me in his life anymore. I understand. If I were him, I would never want to see me again. But a person can dream, right?

Pete, I hope that one day you'll forgive me. I'll even wait for eternity for that to happen, I promise.

Because you're the person that I love.

The person I know I truly fell in love with.