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chapter sixty-three | the small flower
CASSIOPEIA WANTS NOTHING more than a cup of hot chocolate. The small girl sat on her bottom, her feet hanging from the second floor of the cell block. Her arms curled around the railing as she looked out the window across. It was getting colder and colder every day, raining more often with a chill but she wasn't scared of this winter. She just wants a cup of something sweet and warm to fill her up.
It was the evening, Carol and some others were getting dinner ready. Cassie was excited because Carol said she was making a soup of some kind with the rest of the deer that Laurel and Daryl brought back a bit ago. At least she would have something warm.
The cell block had multiple people going in and out, she could hear most of them in the cafeteria. It was odd being around so many people again, but Cassie loved it. It didn't feel like most of the world was gone, or dead.
Laurel said she could be back between a few days or a few weeks, and Cassie was just counting down the days. She thought the Governor was dead, that's what everyone made it seem like but apparently not. The cruel man was still roaming freely after killing and torturing many of their people.
Cassie didn't think he would come back, he might as well be long gone now if he knew what was best. At least, she hoped that maybe her sister and Daryl would stop searching for him, stop putting their lives in danger. She also started to get to know Michonne, not wanting her to leave anymore either. She understood now why her brother and Carl were fond of her. She was funny.
"Cass."
Cassie picked her head up, looking up at the boy approaching her. Carl smiled down at her, and she warily smiled back. He joined her side and glanced at her as her eyes shifted underneath their hanging feet.
Ever since Carl shot the young boy when the Governor was trying to evade the prison, she couldn't quite look at him the same. The boy wasn't that much of a threat and he was putting his weapon down. Cassie told her sister what had happened, and she went to talk to Rick. She overheard the conversation, Rick tried to find a reason or an excuse for why his son murdered a boy in cold blood but he went quiet when Laurel told him to stop making excuses and listen to her. He went quiet after that.
Cassie agreed.
Carl was still her best friend, one of her only friends despite the other kids that have joined the prison. She still trusted him, but she has never seen someone die in front of her before, wait, no, she has never seen someone get shot in front of her like that... No... that wasn't the truth either.
She has seen her parents die in the car crash from the back seat. She has seen multiple people get shot, walker or not since the end of the world.
Is it really the end of the world?
"Hello? Anybody there?"
Cassie was brought back to the present when Carl knocked his knuckles on her temple. She slapped his hands away, and he smiled, dodging her. Her hands fell defeatedly in her lap.
"You okay?" He asked once she stopped trying to hurt him.
She nodded, a little bit too quickly, "just tired," she excused.
Carl's smile dropped a little, he shrugged, "I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go read the next issue of Captain America, but it's okay if you don't want to... Judith has been keeping me up too."
"No, I want to... it's just..," She trailed off. He stared at her, waiting for her to continue. She glanced at him before avoiding his gaze, looking down at her hands in her lap. "Why did you shoot him?" Carl's brows furrowed for a moment, caught off guard, but he quickly remembered. He sees the boy's face, his body on the ground with the bullet in his skull every day. Cassie felt Carl stiffen next to her, shifting in his spot quietly. This time, when she turned her head towards him, he looked away from her. "He was putting his gun down, he was scared."
Carl scoffed, "we were the ones getting attacked. I did what I had to do. To protect you and Judith."
Cassie watched his wall being built in front of her eyes, the same wall he built between himself and his parents. What he built between everyone else and himself, he never did with her though.
"You're right," she quickly said. "I just can't stop thinking about it. It was hard."
Hard to watch. Hard to forget.
Cassie was only thirteen years old and the only thing that goes through her mind is death. It was all she thinks of in between the silence of conversations. Her parents died. Her friends died. Her siblings were alive but constantly putting their lives in danger.
She wonders frequently, how long does she have? Will she die tomorrow? Next week? Or next month?
What age will she be when the numbers stop ticking?
It was a horrifying question she knows she should never ask, as she would only find out the answer too late.
She could hear the clock ticking like bullets passing by her. Barely missing, but getting closer and closer every time.
Cassie's eyes drifted to Carl's thigh where his holster and gun should be. Rick took his gun and told him no more guns as they didn't need them anymore. Carl hated it but Cassie was glad he didn't have a gun anymore. She hated guns and wished her siblings did the same as Rick. Guns scared her and she never wanted to touch one again. She needed to find out other ways to survive.
She hears him sigh next to her, and her eyes examined the solemn look on his face. She could see the most painful thoughts going on behind his glossy eyes. She wish she could hear them, to try to help him. He was always harsh, ever since Shane and his mom especially, but she wanted to try to help him before he ends putting himself in danger. Cassie thought about Lori often. How she and the woman had a troubled past with each other. Cassie always eavesdropping and being in the right places at the wrong time. She never liked it, hated the pressure it brought down on her. It was too much for her to keep inside when she struggling with so much. She didn't want to keep everything locked inside her head anymore.
As her eyes drifted over to him again, she understood why he loudly states his reasons for shooting the boy. It's not just because he wanted to protect his family, but because he was scared.
Cassie slowly grabbed his hand and squeezed, "I'm scared too," she whispered. "As long as we have each other, we'll be okay like always."
Carl met her eyes, breathing out softly. "Like always."
They were just two kids in the middle of the apocalypse who have seen too much and gone through much worse. They've seen their loved ones die and they will again in the future. They were two kids who bonded through it, who see each other as family, as the only other person who could know how they feel.
Family isn't about sharing DNA.
Family is about bleeding for each other if it comes down to it.
Carl was her bonus brother, and she was lucky to have two instead of none. Despite their faults and her worries for them, she cares for them and wouldn't change anything.
After a few moments of silence, the two shared one more comfort within the other before leaving to go to Carl's cell to read the next issue of Captain America that Michonne found for them. Ethan joined them soon after, which wasn't surprising but it was surprising when Ren joined them as well. Cassie liked her, she was nice and sweet. They read and talked about what would happen next to Cap, laughter filling the silence of the Cell Block.
