Perfect Storm

Chapter 6

"You got another tattoo." Ryan commented, as I let him into my room.  I looked down at the top of the turquoise flower peeking out from the upper edge of my tank top. I wrapped the edges of my robe around myself self consciously. This wasn't just any tattoo. It was strategically placed to cover the scar from my mediport that I had for chemo and had since had removed.

"So what if I did. It's not like you don't have tattoos." I replied defensively. I still had no idea why he was actually here.

"I wasn't being negative Bree. I was just making an observation. You're so different than the woman I knew a year ago. Something about you has changed." He said, just as defensively.

"Just because I got a few tattoos and cut my hair doesn't mean I've changed. I'm still me."

He looked puzzled, then shook his head. "I don't know. There's something else. Something different about you that I can't quite put my finger on."

"Okay, maybe I have changed a little. It's called growth Ryan. I went through a huge loss and maybe that did change me a bit." I snapped, still holding my robe closed tightly around me so it wouldn't be so obvious to him what had changed about me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't come here to upset you." He said sincerely, but I was still feeling annoyed.

"Then why did you come Ryan? It's late and I was just about to go to bed."

"I just wanted to know how you were doing." He replied, and now it was my turn to be puzzled. I had a hard time believing he had come to my hotel tonight to see how I was doing since he had just seen me earlier today and would most likely see me tomorrow. I didn't question his intentions however. That would just be dragging things out.

"I'm doing fine. Great actually. I love my job. I love my life. I'm happy. How are you doing?" I plastered a smile on my face and forced myself to sound upbeat and positive.

"Same. I'm happy too. I'm glad for you. I will always care about you Bree. That will never change." Dear God give me strength, I said in my head.

"I will always care about you too Ry. You were a very important part of my life for a while, and I can't just shut that part of me off. The timing was just off for us, and I wish you nothing but the best. I'm glad you're happy. That's all I ever wanted for you." I said, telling myself that I had imagined the brief flash of sadness in his eyes. It was gone so fast, quickly replaced by his sweet smile.

"No matter what happened between us Bree. I'm always here for you." He said, and that brief flash of sadness appeared and reappeared. Did he know something?

"I appreciate that Ry. I really need to get some sleep though. I have a really busy day tomorrow."

I practically pushed him out of the door because I was so close to throwing myself into his arms. He had thrown me a lifeline, but I had to ignore it. It was sink or swim, and for me to take that lifeline, I would just have sank and taken him down with me.

I brushed away the tears rolling down my cheeks. Was it ever not going to hurt seeing him?

*******

"Ugh. I'm coming." I groaned, stumbling out of bed and to the hotel room door that someone was obnoxiously banging on.

Opening the door, I was greeted with Ross and his bright, always happy smile. I groaned again.

"Someone is grumpy this morning. Rough night?" I rolled my eyes in annoyance. I was not feeling his chipper mood at all.

"Yeah. You could say that." I grumbled. I slept like shit. I could not stop thinking about Ryan.