Loss - A Hu Tao Centered Fic

Chapter 5

Day Seven

Hu Tao didn't get any sleep.

Her slumber has always been the same for the past week. Go to bed, try to sleep for an hour, have a nightmare, wake up early in the morning covered in sweat, maybe shower, repeat. Each nightmare was always the same. Consisting of "Y/N" being a complete 180 to what they were like in life, talking bad about Hu Tao and how she failed them, and just before the dream would end, "Y/N" would change into herself.

Tonight was no different, and it was starting to get to her.

She had again woken up from another nightmare, only this time it was really affecting her. How was this any different? Well, for one thing, Hu Tao had her knees up to her chin, holding them in place with her arms and hands. In between her face and legs, she had grabbed a pillow and hugged it in between her body. Tears were streaming down her face, falling onto the pillow as her breath was shattered.

"W-Why? Why i-is it that I k-keep getting the s-same n-n-nightmare? Is this m-my punishment f-for not being able t-to save t-them?"

She took in a big breath, releasing it in shatters.

"D-Does Y/N really h-hate me? Do t-they not l-l-love me anym-more?"

"A-Am I just not d-deserving of l-love?"

No one was there to answer her question.

"Why Y/N? W-Why do you h-hate me? W-What h-happened to w-what we h-had? Why d-do you h-h-hurt me?"

"I-Is it because of a-all the things I d-did to you? Did y-you just get w-with me to p-play with my f-f-feelings? See my v-vulnerable s-side? Take a-advantage of m-me?"

Hu Tao whipped her head to the right.

"No! No they would never! They loved me! They truly did! I shouldn't question that!"

"Then why do they hurt you every night?"

"That's not them! They would never do that to me!"

"And yet, every nightmare you get is of them hurting you."

"They hate you Hu Tao"

"N-No! That's not true!"

"They've always hated you."

"They said they loved me!"

"They probably even blame you for letting them die."

"S-Stop! Just stop!"

Hu Tao closed her eyes and covered her ears, but that didn't stop the voice.

"Accept it. You killed Y/N. You let them die"

"I tried! I tried saving them! Isn't that enough?!"

"Trying is never enough. Trying means you don't give it your all, and you didn't."

"I did!"

"No you didn't"

"Yes I did!"

"Then explain why Y/N is looking down on you right now."

"I don't know!"

"How about you open your eyes and look for yourself then?"

The moment Hu Tao did, she saw that she wasn't alone in her room. Y/N was standing in front of her.

"AHHHH!"

Hu Tao threw her pillow out of instinct, seeing Y/N just catch the pillow and throw it back to her. The force of the hit was powerful enough that Hu Tao fell back on her bed and hit the headboard, closing her eyes from the impact. She reached her hand to head, the spot where the impact was, rubbing it, only remembering why she was hit to begin with.She opened her eyes, seeing Y/N still standing there, staring at her with a neutral expression.