Escape

Call Me By My Name

I'm listening to Clint again; I gave her time. I stood back and only talked about finding Nat while we were in the office. I was letting her figure things out, come to me when she was ready.

I'm starting to believe Clint is delusional.

Should have known. He did say he thought she looked at me like she cares. He needs his eyes checked.

I wouldn't do much besides work. Though I would get out and shoot or wander around the woods. Even get the occasional call from Pete when we could line up our schedules. He was disappointed to know I wouldn't be visiting soon. Because he missed me, but mostly because it means we didn't find Nat.

I think Yelena overhead us talking about it because she was somehow even more closed off to me afterwards. I felt like shit. I wasn't saying anything bad, just giving him the information. I still should have been more careful.

I didn't give up.. entirely.

I would wait downstairs at the table, our table, with vodka, for hours. I'd wait for awhile and then start taking a shot for every half hour she didn't show up.

I went to bed more than tipsy every night.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how we went from.. friends, more than friends? to whatever this is. I had no idea she thought all that about me, that she thought I could have helped more, could have saved Nat. All I want is to help. That's what I'm here to do. And all I've done is the opposite.

I'm not saying I'm completely giving up on Yelena. I can't. I won't. I never will. She's too important to me, even after this short amount of time. I don't have a lot of friends, and she was becoming my favorite one.

Yeah, okay. Maybe there were more - than - friends feelings developing. I couldn't stop them and I didn't want to. I just feared she didn't feel the same.

The silence speaks volumes.

So this isn't about me or her or us.

It's time we get our shit together and bring Nat back to us. Rescue her from whatever hell she's been trapped in; whether from an outside force or her own.

——————

After about a week of going through every mind numbing detail we could possibly think of along with any possible location we think Nat might have gone to, we have a plan.

Well, it's another location anyway. A few of them. We can't put everything on one spot. So we decided it was best to narrow it down to a few places before making another big move. It's not exactly air tight. There's a strong chance we're wrong. That's why we have back up plan b and c and d, already figured out. We hope we don't need them, but it's a start.

And we'll go through the whole damn alphabet if we need to until we find her.

Of course we want to find her as soon as possible; the idea that other people are out there hunting her down (and that's putting it very accurately) and we don't know if we're any farther ahead of them is terrifying. Not that I would be any less worried if we were just trying to find our friend from her own hell.

It's all a shit situation.

We know locations of some hydra bases as our back up, back up. We are going with Yelenas intel of where Natasha would like to hide and other old safe houses she might have gone to first, hoping like anything that's where she is.