Escape

Not Alone

Alex is now calm, but I certainly am not. Now that I'm not focused on her frazzled state, I start thinking about what happened and what I now have to say.

"I don't know how to say this.."

"It's okay. Take your time. Tell me what you want to when you're comfortable."

Great sentiment, but who knows who'll find me here or when. Time is of the essence.

"Well, like I had said, Dani was drumming. I uh- kind of found myself staring at her fingers, the way she expertly moved them, flipping the drumstick around. I.." this is kind of embarrassing to say out loud.

She sits there patiently waiting.

"Well, I started to think about how talented she is with her fingers and my mind started to wander to just how talented they are at doing.. other things."

"Okay.. that's not a bad thing.."

"And then she was sweating because of how much she was playing and then thoughts of her sweating over me.. then! Then she started to kiss me. And I.. I wanted more."

She didn't say anything for a beat, making me freak out a little.

"So.. you're worried that you liked the idea of going further?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"What worries you about it?"

"I said I was asexual. And I am.. I think. But now I'm having thoughts about Dani.. you know.. and it's really confusing," I grunt as I fling myself down on the bean bag chair.

She sits next to me.

"Yelena, having those kinds of thoughts about someone isn't a bad thing, especially when they're someone you're dating.. someone you care a lot about."

"It's not very asexual of me," I mutter, hand over my face.

"That's not.." I hear her take a deep breath. "Yelena?"

I'm assuming she wants me to look at her. I don't want to, but I don't think she'll go on otherwise.

"It's okay to still be figuring out your sexuality.."

"I'm asexual."

"Okay. And-"

"I've never felt like this towards anyone. I've never wanted anything more than a kiss from anyone or to cuddle or hold hands.. Why do I want more now?"

"Well.. that could be for various reasons. Maybe it was a heat of the moment? Maybe.. maybe because you've gotten to know Dani on such a deep level, these thoughts, feelings, have.. popped up more."

"Maybe.." I mumble, not sure if I believe that. "I do feel like the more I know about her the more I want her.."

"Well, it's something you could talk to Dani about and explore? Not that you have to. Tell me what you are worried about. That Dani won't accept you?"

"No, of course not. I know she'd be supportive and help me figure out whatever there is to figure out."

"But?"