*see something running*
me: Is that Derek?
*see someone taking a beating*
me: Is Derek, isn't it? ;)
*Derek appears*
me: *dead*
_______________________________________
Sheriff: Derek, tell me where y/n is.
Derek: I'm sorry, Sheriff. y/ns trusted me to keep you away from danger. I gave him my word.
Sheriff: I guess you leave me no choice. *Pulls out to-go bag* Now, Derek, you seem like a pretty healthy guy. Probably have a strict regimen. Well-formed eating habits.
Derek: Sir? What are you-?
Sheriff: Tell me, how many calories would you say is in this? *Reveals deep-fried butter on a stick*
Derek: ...Sir, am I...am I supposed to eat that?
Sheriff: No. I am.
Derek: What?! But, Sheriff, your cholesterol!
Sheriff: Where is she, Derek?
Derek: Sheriff, please! Don't do this! y/n will kill me!
Sheriff: Tell me where she is, Derek. *Brings butter to his mouth*
Derek: I can't tell you that! Now, please, Sir, think about your health!
Sheriff: *Opens mouth*
Derek: NO, SHERIFF! PLEASE, DON'T-!
Sheriff: *Slowly sinks in teeth-*
Derek: SHE'S BREAKING INTO THE MUSEUM!
Sheriff: *Puts down the deep-fried butter* Thank you, Derek. You're a good man.
Derek: *Sighs in relief*
Sheriff:
Sheriff: Aw, what the hell. *Takes a bite anyway*
_______________________________________
[Visiting another Hale pack]
Derek: Word of advice, do not let y/n watch the cubs.
Cousin Hale: Why? Does she not like kids?
Derek: No, she's great with kids.
Cousin: But...?
Derek: But she will teach them how to do illegal things.[Meanwhile, in the playroom]
y/n: -and that's how you open a car with a slim-jim!
Cubs: *fascinated nodding*
____________________________________
Derek: The duality of women never ceases to amaze me.
Derek: y/n figured out a murder weapon was hidden inside a hollowed-out cane by looking at a lacrosse stick.
Derek: And yesterday she asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was.
_______________________________________
[y/n and Derek grocery shopping together]
y/n: Hey, do I like onions?
Derek: Yes.
y/n: Ok.
y/n: Wait, which is the one I don't like, again?
Derek: Garlic.
y/n: Oh yeah!
y/n: Hate it.
[Later]
Derek: *tries a free sample* Hm. Not bad.
y/n: *goes in for the same sample*
Derek: You're not going to like it.
y/n: Why?
Derek: It's got beets in it.
y/n: *puts sample back* Ooh, good call.
[Even Later]
y/n: Oh! On our way back, there was this dog that looked exactly like that guy from that movie we saw, like, five years ago.
Scott: What? What guy?
y/n: You know! From that movie! C'mon, we saw it together! You were there! How do you not remember?
Scott: We've watched tons of movies together! You have to be more specific!
y/n: Hey, Derek! Who did that dog remind me of today?
Derek, not looking up from his book: Henry Winkler, from Little Nicky, after he got stung by bees.
y/n: That's the one!
Scott:
Scott:...How the hell-?
____________________________________
y/n: I'm not some kind of hopeless romantic that's just going to swoon when they hear some pretty words, okay? I am a strong, indepen-!
Derek: I trust you.
y/n, already sobbing: fUCK
______________________________________
y/n: Wow, that's a great argument you just put forth. Unfortunately, I've already drawn this picture of us making out, so I win.
Derek: When did you draw that?! Do you just carry that drawing around?!
__________________________________________
Cora: I dare you-
Derek: y/n is not allowed to accept dares anymore.
Cora: Why not?
y/n: "I have no regard for my own or others' personal safety", as some would say.
