'𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭, 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦'
Neil Perry is completely and utterly infatuated with the juvenile delinquent that attends W...
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Nerves overtake Will in the morning on the funeral. The thought of having to see Neil's face with the life drained out makes Will's stomach churn. Never seeing his smile again makes her throat close up. When she wakes up that morning all the memories come crashing back like a wave upon the sand.
She practically has to drag herself out of the comfort of her bed and prepare for the trying day ahead. A black dress provided by Charlie's sister is put on, along with a pair of heels that Will can hardly walk in. With Todd's help she manages to exit Welton, each step she takes towards the door feeling like she is nearing her impending doom. Their recently shrunken group stands outside in the snow, waiting for the pair's arrival.
Each is dressed in clean black suits with white dress shirts beneath their jackets and white roses in their jacket pockets. Their usually brown dress shoes are replaced for a darker color and their usually happy faces are replaced with frowns and tears. No one is even up to comment, or crack a joke on Will wearing a dress like they did the night of Neil's performance. The group piles into a car and are carefully driven to the church by Mr. Hager. The car ride is spent in silence and no conversations are even attempted by the remaining members of the Dead Poets Society.
As the vehicle pulls up to the church Will's grip on Todd's forearm grows tighter and her breathing grows heavier. The boy looks over at the girl and seeing the expression on her face doesn't complain about the tight grip she has on his arm. Mr. Hager, once making sure everyone has gotten out of the car and is prepared, drives off without another word. Charlie was the final remaining member of their group to arrive, the boy quickly greeting his friends with a sad grin.
As the group goes to enter the building a hand is placed on Will's shoulder and pulls her back. The boys spin around to see who has just grabbed their friend, but falter when they see who it is. Will turns around to see Mrs. and Mr. Perry standing there with tears pouring out of their eyes. Before Will can even say a word she is pulled into a hug by Mrs. Perry, who whispers thank yous through her sobs. Will hugs back the woman, not certain as to why she is being thanked.
"You made him so happy." Mrs. Perry said once she pulled away. Will turns to face Mr. Perry, who shakes her hand with a soft smile. A piece of folded up paper is passed through their handshake, Will glancing down at the page with confusion.
"He would have wanted you to have this." Mr. Perry told her before they enter the church. Will grips the paper tightly in her grasp as if it will be ripped away from her and enters the building.
The coffin sits at the front of the church, Will quickly averting her eyes when she sees this. She takes her place beside her friends, who quickly check to make sure she is okay. The service begins, tears shed by all of those that attend, and memories are relived by those that give speeches.
"Now Will Hunting is next in line to present her speech." The priest explained, gesturing to Will that sits a few rows away from the front.
Said girl slowly stands up, unfolding her speech and stepping towards the podium. Though Will can remember everything, she knows she cannot mess up this speech, and as a result she now has the sentences written neatly in ink on the page she holds. When she stands before the crowd of people she can almost feel her heart stop. The awaiting eyes of Neil's friends and family sit in the dozens of pews and prepare to listen to Will's speech. She glances to where her friends sit, the group giving her encouraging nods. With a shaky breath Will begins to read.
"I didn't know Neil for that long. I only met him at the beginning of the school year where he became my roommate. But as cliche as this may sound, I feel like I've known him for years. We used to sneak off to the roof and look out at the stars, not caring if we would get caught or not. I never had a chance to read my poem for school and Neil never had a chance to hear it. So I think maybe this is the best time to do it."
Will releases a long and shuddering breath and begins to read the poem she had written for Mr. Keating's class. "I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you ride your bike and I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb dress shoes and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much that it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right and I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh even worse when you make me cry."
As she recited those words a choked sob escaped her lips. As she continues to read, tears fall from her eyes and trail down her cheeks. Her voice wavers with each word she speaks, though she continues to read nonetheless.
"I hate the way you're not around and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."
The poem is finished and her prepared speech continues.
"I've never really been one for emotions, I don't know how to tell anyone how I feel and I can't explain why I am the way I am. I can't even tell someone I love them. And I wish I knew how to before now. Because Neil would have been the first one I said it to." Her hands began to shake as she said this. "I wish his family and friends the best during these hard times. And I thank you all for the opportunity to speak tonight." She finished, stepping back from the podium and walking back to her pew with quiet applause following.
As she sits down Todd pulls her into a side hug. The funeral eventually ends and is followed by the lowering of the casket into the open grave. Will watches as they close the coffin and her last view of Neil disappears. His face isn't colorful anymore. His cheeks aren't red and his eyes aren't open and full of the emotions they once held anymore.
His face is pale.
Each person attending the service grabs a small pile of dirt and throws it onto the coffin with quiet regards. As Will steps up and grabs the pile of dirt she quickly blinks away her tears and mumbles,
"Carpe noctem, Neil. Carpe noctem."
She steps away and is pulled into Charlie's tight embrace, the rest of their small group joining in. All the memories made this school year were washed away with the tears that fell. As the service concluded and condolences were given to Mr. and Mrs. Perry everyone began to leave the graveyard. As Mr. Hager's car piles up once more with the Dead Poets Society members, Will stops.
She grabs Neil's paper that was given to her and quickly unfolds it, careful not to rip it. Two pages are there. One with the sketch Will had done of Neil on their second Study group and the other with a poem written in charcoal. It had then occurred to her that Neil didn't get to read his poem for Mr. Keating's class either. Her fingers trail over Neil's neat handwriting and a tear falls.
She silently reads and sobs as she takes in his words.
'I love the way you read your books and the way you part your hair. I love the way you know everything and I love the way you care. I love your big dumb combat boots and when you speak like you're almost out of time. I love you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. I love it when you act with me and I love it when you're mad. I love it when you talk with me and I hate it when you're sad. I love the way you're always there and know just what to do. But most of all I love the way that I can't stop my feelings. That I can't not love you.'
