The Blossoming: XO Trilogy (BWWM) incompleted

Chapter Twenty-five

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D A N E

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3 YEARS AGO

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Since Alexandria's bad trip, I had been on my best behaviour. And that makes it sound harder than it actually was. I genuinely felt bad so everything I was now doing just felt like the natural thing to do but she didn't see it that way. I guess to her, I appeared to be pandering and it was almost impossible to prove that I wasn't. It was slightly annoying but I took it in my stride. One of the good things about her was that she didn't hold a grudge for too long. It would pass and it did. By her birthday, the molly situation was a long forgotten memory and we hadn't been arguing and I felt happy. 

I already knew that Alex wouldn't do anything massive for her birthday, she wasn't a big fan of parties or all the attention so when Khalida messaged me suggesting a surprise dinner party after Alex had dropped major hints about the two of us just doing something romantic, I was conflicted. Naturally, I didn't want the dinner party. Alex's friends were cool but they weren't my friends. They didn't dislike me but they didn't particularly like me either. If anything, I was tolerated. A bit how they would tolerate the slow elevator at work - it's annoying but still somewhat useful. I was somewhat useful because I managed to keep Alex happy most of the time. It was bleak but true. I didn't mind too much, but it wasn't exactly the most comfortable situation for me. Anyways, I put my feelings to the side. Although Alex din't like attention, she'd appreciate the thought behind it and I knew that part of the reason why she just wanted to do something with me was because all her girls had drifted apart slightly once uni started which was understandable. I guess in her little head that often overthought everything, she had decided to not risk holding anything in fear of disappointment. 

I told Khalida that we could plan the birthday surprise together and the planning was smooth. When we got to the restaurant, Alex obviously started crying. It was strange. After all the years we had spent together, seeing her tear up always made me immensely uncomfortable even when they were happy tears. I knew, as a boyfriend, that whenever she did cry it was my responsibility to console her and I had no problem doing that but it was just strange to me how emotion could pour out of her so quickly. And each time it did, i always panicked that the emotion would manifest itself in a way bigger than what I was expecting. In a childish way, it scared me. I always thought something more would happen when she cried. I always thought that after the hugs she come to some sort of realisation and burst into a fit of rage and do something but of course she never did. The therapist said something about this being a manifestation of my childhood wounds. My mum never really showed emotion to me directly and when she finally did, it was too late. I ignored the therapist. 

I was happy at that moment, happy until my eyes glossed down the table of friends and caught onto Malachi. Who I could've been great friends with if I wasn't sure with every fibre in my body that he wanted to fuck Alex's brains out. Even when I clocked him, i could see how his eyes dragged up and down her body. How they fixated on her hips when she walked and how they quickly stole peeks at her cleavage. It infuriated me. He infuriated me. He thought he was discreet and in all honesty, he was good at playing that 'big brother' friend type role. But he wasn't good enough. I watched him too closely to not see the facade. I wasn't going to ruin Alex's birthday so I let it slide. I ate, I drank, I spoke on time and laughed on time. I stood up to take pictures for an eternity and I posed in a few for what seemed like a longer eternity. I ignored Malachi's wandering eyes and made sure I didn't go out to smoke until it looked like everything was finishing anyways. I was pleasant.