The Blossoming: XO Trilogy (BWWM) incompleted

Chapter One

"I'm going to start you on 20mg of Fluoxetine, you may not feel anything different for the first couple of weeks because it does take a while to start working but it's important that you keep on taking it, make sure you give it time to work okay Alex?"

I nodded.

"You'll be able to pick it up from the pharmacy across the street and I'll have you booked in for a follow up the same time next week, is that okay?"

I nodded again. I wanted to get out. I thought the appointment would make me feel better. After hours of typing in my symptoms on Google and deciding that I, in fact, did need some medication I should have been happy that within one appointment I had been prescribed what I had needed but the conversation with the doctor had been tiring. It had only been fifteen minutes but going through everything that had happened in the last three years felt like it was all happening again. The word trauma floats around social media think-pieces often and I was reluctant to ever describe those events as traumatic but I felt traumatised.

"Okay, brilliant I'll see you next week. If your symptoms do worsen don't forget to call the helpline I've given you, they're open 24/7," Dr Shah continued. I gave a tight smile, said my goodbyes and left as quickly as my legs could carry me. I almost got in an Uber home straight away, but I hadn't come all that way for no reason. So instead, I waited in the fifteen-minute queue at the pharmacy and picked up my prescription and then went home. The flat was warm, and I could smell the light aroma of whatever had been cooked wafting down the hallway. As I slowly recognised the scent, my nose wrinkled. It was pesto and I hated pesto.

I found Dane sitting on the sofa typing away. He hadn't looked up when I got in because that morning we had argued and judging by him ignoring my entrance and him making food that he knew I would not eat; he was still upset. It was silly. I had just seen an advert pop up for a new movie and had asked him to go with me on the opening night. He declined quite curtly, and I got upset. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal and it probably wouldn't have been had it not been for the fact that we hadn't been out for a date in the past three months. I guess I started pouting and then he called me emotional and I cried. He was already irritated at that point, so he just snatched his coat from the hanger and left for work without even having breakfast.

It's funny because had it not been for that stupid argument, I might have cancelled my GP appointment for the third time. I had always been an emotional person and I often joked about being a 'crier but I never realised I actually had something wrong with me. Him being angry with me gave me that extra push to go. He didn't know I was going. I hadn't told him. It was wrong of me to keep it from him, but I guess I just didn't know how to tell him. How do you tell someone who is a major part of your life that you're depressed without offending them?

In a sense, I was glad that he was still giving me the cold shoulder because if he had tried to talk to me, I might've gotten emotional and blubbered everything out in a confusing mess. I went straight to our bedroom and took a shower. The water was too hot and my skin felt like it was burning but I wasn't moved enough to care. I was tired. So tired. Whilst in the bathroom, I took my first pill and then hid the box deep in my makeup draw after I got out. Just as expected, I didn't feel anything. No physical side effects and no mental ones so I felt just as shit as I had been feeling the whole day. The whole week. The whole month. The whole year.

I was hungry after my shower, but I didn't want to go past Dane and cook in an awkward silence whilst we casually ignored each other. Instead, I took out my laptop and put on Bob's Burgers. It was mainly there for background noise but also there for comfort. It was one of the few shows that actually made me smile if not laugh.

"Lex," Dane called as he walked in. I had had my airpods in and was so engrossed in some random Twitter thread on my phone that I had found halfway through the latest episode that I hadn't even noticed him come in.

I pulled out an airpod and he sat on the edge of the bed staring at me. "You okay?" I asked slightly confused.

He nodded. "I'm sorry for this morning...I was out of order, I guess I was a bit stressed with my portfolio and everything but...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you emotional, I understand why you were upset."

I nodded. At this point my default reaction would be to just say it was okay and leave it at that, but I was tired, and I wasn't even sure if it was okay. So, I didn't say anything, and he gave me a remorseful sigh.

"I know you're still upset with me," he continued picking up my hand and inching closer to me. "And you should be but if you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, I have a dinner reservation for Carlo's tomorrow night."

He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. "And we have a hotel room booked," he said placing a kiss on my cheek. "With breakfast in the morning and a spa if you want it."

"Dane," I started but he cut me off and kissed me on the lips softly.

"I love you Alexandria," he whispered.

"I'm working late tomorrow," I replied. "I probably won't get out till half six I have to prepare for my presentation."

He closed his eyes. He had forgotten. He wasn't usually the forgetful type, but work had been stressing him out and him forgetting my commitments was starting to become more and more common. At first it didn't bother me; we were both busy adults and I got that but as time progressed it irked me. I didn't forget his deadlines and big days. Not once. I couldn't forget because I viewed his life as intricately entwined with my own. What affected him, affected me and I made it a point to emphasise that by accommodating to his lifestyle as best as I could. The favour was seldom returned.

"I'm sorry Alex I-"

"It's fine," I interrupted. "But I was hoping to use the weekend to finalise my presentation."

"Lots of people work in hotels," he replied. "We'll leave as soon as we have breakfast and then you'll have most of Saturday and all of Sunday."

Despite the initial blunder of forgetting in the first place, it was the perfect solution and I wanted to do it, but I still felt a twinge of hurt in my heart. "Why do you always forget?"

His faced crumpled up in confusion for a second and then he scoffed slightly. "You know how strung up I've been with work lately Alex come on, don't do that."

Dissatisfied with his response, I nodded. "Yeah."

"I can't help how busy it gets."

"I know."

"So why are you acting like it's my fault?"

"I'm not."

He sighed again but this time he sounded frustrated. "Sian broke up with Mark over this you know? He didn't get the demands of the job and it made them drift apart but that can't be us Alex, I'm going to need you to understand that."

I decided that I wasn't going to be at odds with him. I was mentally drained, and he had shifted the fault from himself to me and I was too tired to divert the attention back to myself. He was right, his job was stressful, and it was taking a toll on both of us but I couldn't help but feel like that was a weak excuse. I worked too. I was stressed too.

"I understand Dane," I replied looking up unto his eyes. He stared back into my own and for a moment it felt like we were having a staring competition. We both knew that the discussion wasn't over or anywhere near sorted and that final stare down seemed to determine who would take the loss that night. I lost. I began putting away my iPad and he walked into our bathroom feeling contempt. Had I not felt so defeated, I'd have been fuming.