Death by your lovers hand (Sterek hella smut)

Chapter eightteen | it all hurts

(⚠️⚠️⚠️SH⚠️⚠️⚠️ if that triggers you or can lead you to start SHing or relapse please skip this. From one ex self harmer to another, do what's best for you. Self harm isn't sexy, or romantic and it doesn't make you a strong person. quitting and getting clean makes you a stong person. Stiles POV also sorry I haven't been posting, I took up cocain and illegal hot coco making)

"I'm healing quickly..." I said to Melissa as she looked at my arm without the sling "it is... though people your age heal quickly. If you promise to take it easy, I can take off the sling." I looked at her flabbergasted "but... how? The bone couldn't have set." She laughed "well sti. It has. All but the one in your shoulder. I'm just as amazed as you are." I laughed "oh wow. Uhm well... how?" She shrugged "I don't know... I've never seen anything like it. Maybe one of the wolves healed you or something." I looked over at my dad who was looking at stuff on the wall "how's he been?" She asked and I shrugged "I don't know... Good, I suppose." She Pulled up my shirt to look at my stab wound "you know he's never gonna let you do peach stuff anymore." I looked down at her "what do you mean- AHHHH!" She pulled off the bandage "stay still." She pressed on the wound "Ahhh! Stop!" I groaned "we all bout lost you. Your dad isn't gonna risk you like that again." She muttered "but he has to. What about all the monsters?" She shrugged "I don't know stiles. but, what I do know we can't lose you." I sighed "I wish you guys weren't so sappy." She started to change the bandage "have you been doing this?" I shook my head yea "every time Derek reminds me." She smiled "well you've been doing a terrible job." I groaned "of course.".
After like 30 minutes she finished up my arm and my stab "now... like I said your shoulder is still kinda broken, so be careful." I shook my head and smiled "see you later Melissa, I'm coming over tonight to play back 4 blood with Scott." She helped me down and hugged me "alrighty. See you tonight."

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After I left Scotts all I wanted to do was shower and go to sleep. If it wasn't for my dad I probably would have slept over. I turned on the shower and waited for the water to warm up as I took off my clothes. I took off my shirt and whimpered at the pain "that didn't hurt like a son of a bitch..." I mumbled under my breath. I looked at the bruises that decorated my body, they almost complemented the old hickeys and love bites. I ran my hands over the loud bumps "jeez..." My body doesn't feel like mine at this point. It feels like... just a body. I feel no good emotions about it, it all just feels like a ugly, scrawny, disgusting piece of bruised human flesh. I sighed quietly and took off the rest of my clothes "how does he like you?" I asked my slightly cloudy reflection "he shouldn't..." it said back I nodded my head "maybe he doesn't?" I mumbled to it "probably not... no one really does." It was right, the me in the mirror always is. "No one really likes us... or loves us." I said before I started to cry "there just using us..." I shook my head yes and started to swallow my cries so no one could hear "we should give in..." I looked up at it "what..?" It chuckled "give. In." I knew what it meant "but... no. We've been doing so good, we've gotten back on Track! We got clean! No! Please no!"  It's hand guided me to the drawer "I don't- Please! Please don't take me back to that grossness... please!" We opened the drawer "he's gonna know! Please, will get through this! Will get better but we can't if we give in!" I started to hyperventilate as I reached underneath the drawer and searched in the hidden compartment "please!! W-we can't lose..." I grabbed the pencil sharpener blade and pulled it up to my stomach "just give in stiles..." it said before we pushed the blade into are skin and slowly started to run it along making thin cuts around my stomach, I cried and begged but no amount of tears would change the fact that I relapsed and I'll have to reset the clock... once I was satisfied with my stomach I moved to my chest, and legs, and finally finishing up with my shoulders. The blood poured onto the floor, my whole body hurt "now you look just as fucked on the outside as you are on the inside.." I ran my fingers along the cuts "so fucking ugly..." I shook my head in disappointment, thats when the dizziness set in "get in the shower we'll clean up later." I shook my head yes and moved sloppy like into the shower. I felt the hot water hit the open cuts "AHHH!" I cried out. It hurts. It burns! I felt like I was gonna pass out, I heard the locked bathroom door open "GET OUT!!! IM FINE!!!" I heard the door shut and lock "DAD IM FINE LEAVE!!!" I was about to pull back the curtain but I heard dereks voice "baby... what happened?" No... oh god... "stiles what did you do?" I heard his voice crack "I-I..." I couldn't talk... what did I do? What the fuck... "stiles?" I started to sob "I'm sorry..." I cried out to Him. I heard his footsteps come closer "I fucked up... so bad! Im sorry!!" He grabbed the curtain and pulled it over so he could see me "Jesus..." god... my body must look disgusting... he looked at the blood that painted my body and the blood that stained the tub "I'm so sorry..." I cried he put out his hand but he didn't know where to touch "did you clean them?" I shook my head no "do you want me to take the pain?" I shook my head no again "why?" He asked "I don't want you to feel the pain..." I shook my head violently thinking about him having to feel this "my prince..." he started to cry "please don't cry! I'm sorry! I'll never do it again! Please!!!" He couldn't stop the tears ether "why?" I don't know how to explain to him "I... feel so bad inside... so useless and worthless... I feel like a disappointment all the time... I ruin everything... I just wanted to... 'punish' myself for being like this..." I wanted to vomit, im so dizzy ... I feel like I'm about to die "Derek... I feel sick..." he started to heal me "I said no..." I whimpered under my breath "I'm helping you..." I sobbed into his shirt "are you mad at me?" My voice was muffled but he could hear, He sighed "I don't... I'm not mad... I'm... scared... you can't do this shit my love... your gonna kill yourself, THIS is going to kill you... we. have. talked. about. this. I cannot lose you... I will kill myself if anything happens to you... I'm not mad, or disappointed, or angry... baby boy, I am so scared..." the shower was running cold, the water was clear, my body was uncut, unbroken, I was no longer dizzy and sick but I was still crying into his shirt "can you promise me... y-you'll never cut again?" I shook my head yes "never again! I promise! I'll never cut again!" He pulled my face up and chuckled "your not in trouble, your don't have to beg for forgiveness..." I wiped my tears "ok... I'm  so sorry, i won't do it again!" He chuckled again "sti..." I caught myself "shit! Sorry!" He started laughing "stiles!" I started laughing too,  He started to strip "I'm getting in..." he pushed me back into the shower "dude this is not a big shower!" He growled at me and got in "shhh..." i turned up the heat and washed off the blood "hey you left the stab wound..." he held me from behind "yeah... I kinda wanna see how sexy the scar is gonna be so..." I laughed "I hope it is..." I mumbled "oh my sweet boy..." he sighed out and I smiled "your a big fucking sap..." he kissed my neck "my sweet, sweet, sweet, boy..." he sang into my hair "my sweet, sweet, sweet sweet sweet, boy..." I laughed "you have a beautiful voice, you know that?" He giggled "Paige used to tell me that..." I caressed his cheek "did you used to sing to her?" He shook his head yes "only her, and you... I never sung to Kate or braeden..." I smiled "I'm sure she loved it..." he shook his head yes "do you miss her?" He smiled at me "yeah... she made me feel whole and alive... and when she died, I was dead again. But when I met you, when I talked to you for the first time,when I touched you for the first time, and hugged you and kissed you and finally got to hold you in my arms... finally got to be connected with you... I was alive. You jumpstarted my heart. You fixed me piece by piece till I was whole." He pulled my chin up to look at him "your the reason I can feel again! Stiles! You fixed me, you have so much worth and use. I could never be disappointed in you! I am proud of you! You are everything to me! you remember that when you feel like this. You are the reason, I am alive." I turned around and hugged him, it was a wet hug but still I needed to touch him.

(I rlly hope this didn't seem like I was romanizing self harm or mental illness. I just wish I had someone who told me that stuff after I relapsed instead of hiding it so I didn't get shit looks. Anywho this ain't my platform to vent, I hope y'all enjoyed This! No smut today but maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or maybe the next day. or maybe this is the last time I touch this  it's all up to my ✨clinical depression✨)