One Big Happy Family?

Secret Lovers Part 2

After fanning Regina awake, she ran outside to barf in Snow's garden since it was closer than trying to find a patch in the grass. Plus, it was Snow's garden.

While she emptied the contents of her stomach, Cora sat down at the table enjoying a cup of coffee and watched as Killian and Neal held Emma down to keep her from hitting her head against the wall.

David stood still, lost in time and space, his face completely blank, it didn't even look like he was breathing.

Snow finally came downstairs yawning and stretching, her 5 month pregnant belly showing.

Walking past Cora and her seemingly dead husband, she stood beside the trio and fixed herself a cup of soothing tea, looking out the window to see her ex-stepmother barfing in her garden.

The ebony-haired mother just shrugged and walked back upstairs, almost as if she hadn't noticed any of what was going on.

Either that or she was simply choosing not to acknowledge the fuckery that is this family.

Instead of going to her room straight away, she went grabbed the sleeping five year old and carried him to her room, closing and locking her door behind them.

Emma finally stopped attempting to bash her head in, giving the pirate and Neal a break, who both sighed of relief.

"I. Hate. Everything." Regina murmured, stepping cautiously inside and closing the door.

"Ditto." Emma growled, sticking her head in the sink underneath the faucet and turned the cold water on.

Let's just say the blonde has odd ways of trying to cope with weirdness.

"Are you idiots ready to talk about this like adults?" Cora hissed in agitation, finishing her cup of coffee.

"I will never forgive you or Idiot 1 for this!" Regina replied bitterly, shifting her eyes between a seemingly dead David and her mother.

"LOOK! All of you shut up and sit down or I will reveal every detail of what happened last night..."

In the blink of an eye everyone, including David, was sitting at the table attentively, Neal nearly falling out of his chair.

Everyone had a sickly look on their faces, dreading hearing any detail Cora had to offer.

"Glad to see you all are so enthusiastic." The old woman bit back a laugh, sitting her cup down on the table.

"Now, Marco and I have simply established a mutually beneficial relationship with no strings attached. If you know what I mean."

Regina made a gagging noise but quickly stopped when her mother shot her a look.

"Any more insubordinate actions and I'll glue you all to your chairs and show you a video!"

Emma shoved Regina, "Shut up, will you!?"

Just then an alarm went off on Neal's wrist watch, "Guys...It's 6:30. Henry's soccer game is at 9."

They all looked at each other and almost as if nothing ever happened, everyone dispersed and started doing their assigned tasks.

Emma and Neal were on Henry duty, making sure he took his bath and got dressed, Cora and Regina were making cookies for the team, Hook and David were outside filling the cooler with ice and drinks, Snow, Belle and Rumple had the luxury of making sure each pair were doing their jobs correctly.

It took an extra hour to get Henry ready thanks to the five year old nudist who found it funny to run around the house squealing and giggling but a little of Emma's magic did the trick, freezing the quick munchkin.

Regina tried her best not to think about what just happened this morning as she reluctantly worked with her mother to bake healthy cookies for the entire soccer team as well as some chocolate chip cookies for the adults.

The last pair worked in silence with Snow monitoring them, loading the cooler with bottles of water and Gatorade and stuffing it into the back of the family car, the interior still stretched with magic to accommodate them all.

By 8:45 the entire family was dressed and ready to go, Henry hyped up on energy like any other normal five year old.

David drove with Snow in the front seat, speeding down the streets of Storybrooke like a mad man, determined to get them there on time.

They pulled up to the park with a screeching halt, the family emerging from the car dressed in the team colors; purple and black.

Regina had insisted on changing it from white and black, for...reasons.

While Emma, Snow and David took Henry over to be checked in, Neal, Rumple and Hook unloaded drinks while Belle, Cora and Regina grabbed the food.

Waltzing over to the area where the other parents were, Regina stopped everyone once she caught sight of something that instantly made her grit her teeth.

A group of four other soccer moms had already set up a table of food and drinks for the kids.

When the rest of the family caught wind of what was going on, they followed the strutting mayor and was equally as pissed.

"Excuse me..." Regina started off sweetly, setting the container of cookies down on the table in front of her as the other suburban mothers looked up at the six standing side by side.

Helen plastered on a smile, "Yes? How may we help you?"

The mayor inhaled deeply through flaring nostrils, "I think there may have been some confusion. You see, our family," she gestured to the other five, "had the duty of preparing snacks this week. We have healthy cookies, a variety of sandwiches and water for the kids as well as adults."

Helen and the three stooges just smiled, "You're Henry's family, aren't you? Well, we just thought we'd make it easy for you all and just make the snacks ourselves...We know what the children like best."

"Lady!" Regina shouted but quickly caught herself when people started directing their attention toward her.

"Let me handle this, my love." Cora intervened. "Helen, is it? My daughter and I slaved in the kitchen for hours making this food while my other family got my nudist five year old grandson ready for this damn game. You are going to serve these snacks without any lip!"

The quartet of mothers just laughed. "Old bat, why don't you go take your pills and leave this to the young mothers?"

That did it. That bitch was dead.

Cora, in the head of the moment, flipped the pan of brownies Helen made onto her lap while picking up the chocolate cake one of the other women made and threw it into her face.

"Now you listen to me you ignorant troll. What kind of dumbass would bring these ridiculous sweets to a soccer game for children? Are you trying to fatten my child?!" the heated, younger brunette screamed.

Helen just gasped, growling at them, "Do it, bitch. I dare you!" Cora yelled, pushing Regina and Belle behind her.

Instead of feeding into Cora's bait, the suburban quartet got up and walked away to get cleaned up.

Proud of her mother, Regina gave her a pat on the back, it would've been a hug but because of everything earlier she decided she wasn't quite ready to show so much affection yet.

Rumple set everything the others set up on fire, they gracefully set up all their food and drinks just in time for the other three to return, "The game's about to start guys, get your signs ready!" Snow squealed, clapping happily.

Like any other proud family, they all had signs to cheer Henry on and the game was going oh so well until some parents from the other team shouted and complained about Henry kicking the winning goal.

Why must people be so foolish?

It resulted in Cora, Rumple, David and Neal being arrested while three people were rushed to the hospital and two others had black eyes and broken noses.

"All in all, today was actually a good day." Emma mused as the remainder of them walked behind Henry, who was carrying the winning trophy, heading to the station to bail the other four out of jail.