One Big Happy Family?

The Idiots

There was a loud knock at the door around midnight, "Who in the hell is that at this time of the night?" Emma said groggy. She got up out of bed, leaving a still, sleeping body in the bed beside her. Henry stood outside his door, rubbing his eyes, "Is there someone knocking on the door?" Emma grabbed her sword by the front door and Henry grabbed his bat, "Who is it?" She asked but no one answered. Henry gripped his bat tighter and Emma opened the door to reveal two idiots, Greg and Tamara. Henry quickly flicked his hand up, freezing the two while Emma called everyone downstairs. "OPERATION IDIOTS! This is NOT A DRILL! I repeat, this is not a drill!" Snow shouted in the hallway. "It seems like we have two uninvited guests, thanks to Henry, they are frozen for now." Emma told everyone as they made their way downstairs, confused and still sleepy. As Regina finally opened her eyes, they widened and she instantly grew furious, "What the hell are they doing here?!" She conjured fire and held her arm back, ready to strike. Cora started laughing, "That's my girl! Barbecue these two and let's go back to bed." Snow stood in front of them, "We should at least find out what they want first before we do away with them." Regina's brow furrowed, "If you think I won't barbecue you too then you're sadly mistaken. MOVE!" She growled and Snow quickly moved out of the way. Hook sharpened his hook, "I agree with the Queen, let's end them now. I'll enjoy this." He smirked but Emma sighed, "No, we're going to find out why they are here first. Henry, unfreeze them." Henry nodded and waved his hand, Tamara and Greg fell to the floor, "Why are you two here?" Charming growled through his teeth and he gripped his sword. The two idiots looked at each other before Tamara cleared her throat, "We came back for a fair fight." The entire family looked at each other and burst into laughter, "You think you have a chance against us?! Dearie did you take stupid pills before you came here?" Rumple teased. "Is it April Fool's Day? Because this has got to be a joke." Regina walked into the kitchen and began fixing herself some coffee, Fiona and Belle followed. "This should be quite interesting then. It's been awhile since I've kicked someone's ass and I've been dying for an excuse to do so. Bring it on twat and dumbass." Emma said as she took a step back and got in her stance, "Hey Tamara, guess which one you are." Neal called out as glared at them. "Hook, Charming and I are going to mop the floor with you. You will regret putting our family in danger Greg." Greg smirked, "Did you really think we would come here without a few more people to make this a fair fight?" Cora held up her hands as they began to glow purple, "We aren't afraid. Let's do this!" Regina walked back over with her coffee, "So then where are your so-called friends who are going to help you?" They smiled as they heard a knock at the door, "There they are."

The family looked at each other in confusion before Hook walked over to the door and opened it, his mouth dropped in shock, "Hello Mate, never thought you'd see me again?" Jack Sparrow asked with a smirk. Hook took a step back as the gang of people came inside, Cruella, Elphaba, Jafar, The Red Queen, and Gaston. Greg and Tamara stood up, "So you see, we came prepared." Charming turned his sword sideways and he stepped back into his stance, Snow loaded an arrow and aimed at Cruella, "You evil, puppy killing bitch." She glared at the crazed Dalmatian-loving woman. Regina narrowed her eyes at Elphaba, "I won't even have to put my cup down. This is your army?" She laughed. "Darling, don't underestimate us. We're more powerful than you think." The Red Queen spoke up. Cora groaned, "Can someone please get this impostor out of here before I turn her into a pillar of salt? Red Queen my ass. Hating because you will never be the Queen of Hearts!" Jafar gripped his staff tighter, "I think the time for talking is done." He stepped closer to Rumple, "Indeed." Rumple said through his teeth. Gaston laughed before pulling out his sword and pointing at Charming, "Let's dance prince." Without a second thought Emma jumped on Tamara, knocking them both to the ground, and she got a few good licks in before she kicked Emma off of her. Neal punched Greg, knocking him out cold. Gaston charged at Charming but he quickly stepped out of the way, dodging the blow. As he turned to charge at Charming again, Henry swung his bat, hitting Gaston in the head. "That's my grandson!" Charming cheered proudly. Jafar and Rumple both held their hands up, magic brewing and growing bigger, Jafar flung his hand out at Rumple, causing him to fall. He got up and threw a blow at Jafar, knocking him to the ground. When he stood up, Belle grabbed Rumple's cane and hit him across the face. Snow shot her arrow at Cruella but missed, instead of shooting another she simply whistled and the windows opened as a flock of crows flew in and started pecking at the old woman. Snow laughed evilly as she watched. Cora glanced over at what Snow was doing and smirked, "I see she's been learning from us Regina. Now let's finish these two." Regina nodded as she picked the wicked witch up by her throat with her magic, flinging her across the room. The Red Queen watched and turned to run but Cora chased her, "Don't run now bitch, I'm going to whip that ass." Cora jumped on her back and started riding her like a horse before making her smack dead into a wall. "And that takes care of that phony. Where's Hook?" She asked as they all looked around. All their enemies were defeated except Jack Sparrow. Emma and Tamara were still grabbing each other and throwing each other around. Fiona was standing in the kitchen as she watched her father and Sparrow fumble around, "They're in here but...I don't think they are fighting." They rushed in the kitchen only to see the two pirates drinking their rum, arms around each other's shoulders, stumbling around drunk. Neal face palmed, "Great. At least we got everyone else." Emma slammed Tamra's face into the floor, finally knocking her out. "Now we got everyone." She said as she stood up, shirt torn and her knuckles bloody. "Mind if I poof these idiots out of here?" Fiona asked and her parents nodded yes. With a snap of her fingers all of the intruders were gone, Hook fell to the floor without Sparrow there. "Aw. We were having fun talking about our Swans." He cried before falling asleep right there on the kitchen floor, sighing happily. Everyone went back to their respective rooms, getting into bed to resume their slumber that they were interrupted from. Emma cleaned herself up and got back in bed, the person that was there before had returned, "That was really crazy." She said as she started cuddling with her pillow, "It was. But it was fun too." The person said before they both went back to sleep.

After a few more hours everyone woke up to the sun shining brightly, a few were sore from their brawl but everyone managed to come downstairs for breakfast. "What the bloody hell happened last night?" Hook asked while holding his head. Emma laughed as she fixed everyone some coffee, "You and Jack Sparrow had a nice time with rum and talking about your...Swans was it? And then you proceeded to pass out on the floor." Cora walked in the kitchen smiling, "Three cheers for CaptainFloor!" Hook shut his eyes, "Please, no yelling. My head is pounding." Regina smacked him in the head, "Well you should've thought of that before getting drunk in front of the children." He fell to the floor and curled up in the fetal position, "Why is everyone so mean this morning?!" Charming went and comforted the pirate, "Emma, I saw someone coming out of your room this morning but it was too dark to see who it was. Who was it?" Emma froze, facing away from everyone, "No one. It was me." Snow shook her head, "No, they had short brunette hair. Not long blonde hair." She cleared her throat, "Why don't we all take another family trip today?" She smiled brightly, hoping this would change the subject. Neal came in with Henry, "Ooo another family trip. Where to?" Charming helped Hook onto the couch, "We should take off to a few different places." Cora smirked, "I like that. Leave for a month. We should stop by Wonderland during our journey." Regina nodded, "Yes and Oz. We need to stop by Oz." Emma furrowed her brow, "Okay...Any other requests?" Snow smiled, "London. Ooh! And Paris. Your father and I have been talking about going." Rumple came in with his wife on his arm, "And the Enchanted Forest." Cora turned to him, "Why the hell would you want to go back there? This vacation is supposed to be FUN! Not full of old memories of death and revenge." Belle pointed her finger at Cora, "I am sick of your shit! If my husband wants to go to the Enchanted Forest then we are going to the damn Enchanted Forest!" Everyone's mouths were agape, "Whoa there killer. Slow your roll..." Cora said, taking a sip of her coffee. Emma scratched her head, "Well then I guess we're going to three magical worlds and two non-magical." Henry and Fiona cheered, "Guess that means we need to go pack." Emma laughed as she watched the two kids. "Yes. I'll go make flight arrangements and we'll leave tomorrow." Regina gave a warm grin before grabbing her cup and walking back upstairs. "Emma, you and I can go shopping for the things we need. Hook and Charming can come along as well." Snow wrapped an arm around her daughter. Hook grinned devilishly, "Oh now that does sound fun." Emma dropped her head and shook it, "What have I gotten myself into?"