One Big Happy Family?

We're Going To Be On TV

"We did it!!" Henry yelled as he ran down the hallway, knocking on everyone's doors. Neal opened his door and groggily stared at his excited son. "We did what?" He asked through his yawn. "Henry! You know I love my sleep!" Emma whined as she rubbed her eyes. The clock on the wall read five a.m. and that meant most of the family would be quite cranky that the excited youngest member of their family had woken them up. He was jumping up and down clapping, "We're going to be on Family Feud! We're going to be on tv!" Belle clapped too, "Oh that's great news!" She smiled ever so sweetly. Her husband couldn't do anything but kiss his wife, anytime she was happy, he was happy. "What the bloody hell is a family feud? Are we fighting each other?" Hook asked as he ruffled his hair, trying to wake himself up. Henry shook his head, "No, we're going to fight another family." Cora raised both her eyebrows, "Sounds fun. I'm in. We'll win without a doubt." Regina finally made her way into the hall, grumbling something about shoving apples in pie holes, "Why do you all insist on driving me crazy? Can't I have a good night's sleep for once?" Snow grinned, "But it's good news Regina." Regina's eyes brightened, "You mean you're all moving far away and leaving me the hell alone?" The house was silent. "Uh, no. We're going on a tv game show." Charming answered, giving Regina a confused look. She growled, "That isn't good news! You think this family can behave long enough to go on television in front of millions of viewers? Ha! I laugh at your ignorance." And she proceeded back into her room, slamming the door behind her. Emma rolled her eyes, "Pay no mind to the grumpy evil panda." Just then the door flew open and a pillow hit Emma in the head, "I heard that! Don't make me use fire!" As Emma rubbed her head Henry shook his, "Anyway...We have to leave for the airport in a few hours. Please don't embarrass us like the last time." His eyes drifted over to the pirate who wasn't wearing his hook. "What? I was merely protecting her from the likes of that horn dog!" He defended as he folded his arms. "Don't worry kid, we'll be alright." Neal smiled before going back into his room. "That's right my boy, I'll make sure everyone acts like they have common sense. Unless they weren't born with it...Isn't that right Cora?" Rumple smirked. Cora scoffed, "Coming from the man who looked like a damn lizard for hundreds of years. Common sense would've told you that reptiles aren't cute." He raised an eyebrow, "Yet I had how many women want me? Exactly." He winked as he wrapped his arm around Belle and walked back into their room. "I wanted power! Not you!" Cora huffed and slammed her door as well. "Well this would be very awkward if this weren't our family." Snow mentioned as she rested her head on Charming's shoulder. He placed a hand on his wife's small stomach where their second child was resting. She was only about two months along so it wasn't really noticeable. "Indeed. We better go pack." Charming lovingly kissed his wife as he led her back in their room. Henry was left standing in the hall with Emma and Hook. "Where's your hook?" Henry asked and the pirate looked down. "Your blasted mother took it..." Henry's eyes glanced to Emma and she shook her head. "Wasn't me. I prefer the hook. Or at least the prosthetic hand." Hook grinned, "You do? Aww, that warms my heart Swan." She softly laughed and nodded, "Why'd she take it?" He sighed, "Punishment for laughing at her the other night." Henry patted Hook on the shoulder, "Don't worry, I'll get it back for you." Emma couldn't help but smile, "Lad, don't go committing suicide now. It isn't worth it." "It's okay, trust me. I've learned over the years how to get my stuff back that she takes." Henry assured him and went into his room to start packing. Hook's eyes wandered toward Emma who was still looking at him, "Like what you see, Swan?" She smirked, "Maybe." She slid back into her room and Hook did the same, except he had a huge smile on his face. After an hour of yelling, throwing pillows, and poor Emma getting scorched by a fireball again, her, Neal and Hook were able to get Regina to wake up and start packing as well. Their plane was taking off at eight a.m. and it was six thirty a.m. Cora was the first one finished, she was sitting downstairs with her suitcase and a metal bat for some reason. Rumple and Belle walked down the stairs with their luggage, “Is there a reason you have a bat?” Rumple asked as he pointed to it. “It’s called Family Feud. We’re fighting another family. Metal bats hurt. DUH.” Rumple shook his head as his wife just softly chuckled to herself. “I think someone went upside your head with one of those things. Cora, we aren’t physically fighting anyone! We’re using our brains. Well, most of us are. Can’t speak for everyone.” Cora glared at her oldest friend, “Then why are you taking that cane? You know damn well you can walk perfectly fine without it.” Rumple smirked, “Because it adds to my sexiness. DUH.” Just then Neal was coming downstairs, “Oh God, I do not want to hear this…” He kept walking past them and headed out the door to put his stuff in the car. Rumple and Belle followed, “And they say I’m the weird one….Right.” Snow came downstairs holding Emma’s hand, which was annoying Emma just a tiny bit. “Mom, you can let go of my hand now. We made it safely down the stairs.” Snow just grinned, “I know but I just want to be safe. Plus I want you to know how sorry your father and I are about the whole incident.” Emma sighed, her parents had been apologizing to her everyday since they misjudged the whole situation where she asked Regina to sleep in her room. “It’s OKAY. I forgive you both. I know you’re just nosy. Hopefully with a new baby, you’ll have less time to be concerned with what I’m doing.” Snow rubbed her daughter’s back, “We just don’t want you to be an old spinster like Cora and Regina, dear.” Cora cocked her head to the side, “You realize I’m sitting here with a metal bat and that I heard you, right?” Emma covered her mouth to hide her laugh while Snow slowly inched out of the room, trying to make sure Cora didn’t swing at her. “Why haven’t you put your luggage in the car?” Emma asked as she grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. “I was waiting so I could talk to you.” Cora admitted, sitting down at the dinner table. “What’s up?” Emma raised an eyebrow. Cora took a deep breath, “Okay, what I’m about to tell you is very sincere and not a joke.” Emma looked around the room and then her eyes landed back on Cora, “Okay….What?” “Marry my daughter!” Emma face palmed, “Cora…” “Please! Wed your true love before I absolutely lose my mind!” “It’s already been lost! Cora I’m not marrying Regina, or anyone for that matter. I’m not dating anyone and probably never will.” Cora frowned, “Watch it. And why the hell not?!” Emma laughed, “Because if I date Neal then I’ll hear shit from certain people. If I date Hook, I’ll hear shit about it. And if I date Regina, I’ll forever hear shit about it. So to solve the issue of not hearing shit, I won’t date anyone. Problem solved.” Cora wanted to give a counter argument but she had to admit Emma was right. No matter who she decided to be with, the audience of this fan fiction would never shut the hell up about it and they’d constantly give the author flack. “Touché blondie, touché.” Emma grinned proudly and she patted the old woman on the back before heading out to the car. Cora conjured up a bottle of whiskey for the road, “You’re my only friend.” She hugged the bottle. Charming and Hook walked downstairs, “But mate, if I do that, she’ll kick my ass in 2.5 seconds flat. You have to tell her for me.” Hook pleaded, causing Charming to huff and cave in. “Fine. I’ll do it. But I’m running as soon as I tell her- Cora? What are you doing?” Charming’s eyes fell on the old woman who was passionately hugging a bottle. Hook furrowed his brow, “Aye lass, I love rum but I’ve never caressed it like that. That’s what the opposite sex is for.” Charming chuckled, “That’s right, mate.” He high fived Hook and they shared a taunting laugh. Cora ignored the haters as she smiled and stood up, “There might be bugs on the rest of you mugs, but there ain’t no bugs on me.” She flipped the bottom of her dress toward them as she walked past them and out the door. The two men looked at each other in utter confusion, “I think Cora has lost it…” “I’m with you on that one mate. We better go get in the car before we get left.” They proceeded out the door and everyone had piled into the car except the sleeping panda and her young cub- er I mean, Regina and Henry. “Mom! Come on we have to go!” Henry shouted as he ran downstairs, his mother slowly following. “I don’t see why we have to rush, if we’re close to being late I’ll just use magic to get us there. Duh.” Henry shook his head, “No magic. We’re going to be on television, we can’t let them know we’re a freak show family.” Regina raised an eyebrow, ‘“Excuse me?” Henry finally registered what he had just said and he cleared his throat before hesitantly laughed, “What I meant was, we’re not normal. There’s no denying it. So I was hoping we could at least try and pretend we’re normal. Please?” She sighed, she knew Henry was right, they were far from normal. “Alright Henry, we’ll TRY to be normal though I can’t promise anything.” She grinned and Henry just softly laughed as he hugged his mom. “Thanks mom. Now let’s go win Family Feud!”