One Big Happy Family?

Merry Christmas Stories

The family was in the living room enjoying the christmas themed movies that were being played all December long. The kids were sipping hot chocolate while the adults drank hot apple cider with a little extra alcohol in it, makes Christmas eve all the more funnier right? Once the movie ended Henry turned toward the adults, "Why don't we all tell christmas stories and stay up until midnight so we can open our presents?" They discussed it amongst themselves and agreed, "Okay, who's going first?" Emma asked. Cora jumped up and down, "Me! Please! Pick me!" Regina groaned, "Fine but no sending us places in our dreams mother! Just tell the story." The old woman crossed her arms, "Fun killer. No matter, gather around family, I shall tell you the story of little Timmy." Everyone looked at Cora, ready to be entertained, "It was Christmas day and little Timmy awoke to the smell of something being cooked. He hopped out of bed and ran in the living room as fast as his little feet could carry him, hoping to find plenty of presents under the tree from Santa and pancakes for breakfast. He arrived in the kitchen to see his mom in the kitchen, he figured she was cooking so he sat at the table and patiently waited. 15 minutes went by and she hadn't moved, he was a little confused so he stood at the kitchen door and called her name, she didn't answer. His heart started to race a little so he called her name again, still she remained with her back toward him. He walked over to her and tapped her on the arm, she turned to face him with NO EYEBALLS! And his father had been chopped up into pieces and was cooking on the stove. Just then Santa appeared and was laughing, 'I bet next time you'll remember to leave me cookies you little twerp!' He yelled before leaving. Little Timmy screamed so much he gave himself a heart attack and died. The end." Cora happily skipped into the kitchen to fix herself another drink, leaving everyone in the living room, completely dumbfounded at the story, mouths agape. Henry and Fiona looked at each other in sheer terror, "Is Santa going to do that to us?!" He yelled out before running into Snow's arms. She lovingly kissed him on the head, "No of course not. No big, jolly creep is getting in this house unless he wants an arrow in the ass." Emma slowly turned to her mother, still in a state of shock, "I...hm...I'll go next, maybe shed some light on the darkness we were just exposed to." Cora came back and sat down with a bigger glass, "Thank you dear, I do try." Regina drank what was left in her cup in one big gulp, "I'm gonna need more of these." She shook her head and laid back on the couch as Emma stood up, ready to tell her story, "Alexis was a young orphan who loved christmas nonetheless. Every year she would get one present, like all the other orphans but the one present she really wanted was loving parents. She felt like this year she just might get what she wanted. Christmas morning came around and everyone ran toward the christmas tree to open their presents and that's when the lady in charge called her over. She told her that there wasn't a present under the tree because her present was much bigger, and that's when she saw them standing there. A nice looking couple, they were to be her birth parents. She cried because she was so happy, only to find out that they were fairytale characters sent to this land by the evil queen, who was the cause of Alexis being an orphan-" "Emma!!" Snow yelled out. Cora shook her head, "Stick to being the Savior dear. Storytelling isn't your thing." Hook stood up and handed Emma some rum, "Take the edge off lass. You need something stronger than the cider. I'll tell a story now." Emma sat down and took the bottle to the head, not leaving a drop. "Alrighty then. This is the tale of a handsome pirate who ladies couldn't get enough of-" "NEXT!" Regina shouted as she rubbed her forehead, "I have no interest in hearing this." Neal and Rumple laughed, "Aww I wanted to hear it!" Charming pouted. Snow gave him a kiss and he was happy again. "I think we need a refill but without the apple part, just the alcohol please. We will resume this session in about 10 minutes kids." Emma said. Cora and Regina volunteered to go get the drinks while the remaining adults were thinking of what story they would tell next.

"I have a story!!" Henry clapped with glee. "Did someone give my son sugar again?" Neal sighed and Cora laughed, "No. He just gets that weirdness from you." Hook and Charming began laughing and Snow gave Henry a hug, "Don't worry sweetie. You aren't weird like your father, your Nana is just being mean." Neal frowned, "Hey! I am not weird! And I'll prove it with my story!" Rumple placed a hand on his shoulder, "Uh son, you sure you want to do this?" Neal was determined, "Yes! Once upon a time-" Everyone gave a dramatic pause, "Now where have we heard that before?" Belle asked with a smile. Neal was about to say something but changed his mind, "You know what? I got nothing...." And he sat down defeated, Rumple gave him a hug, "It's okay son, we aren't story-tellers. That's not how we impress our women." Henry shook his head, "So this is what I'll grow up to be like?" Cora pulled him close, "Over Nana's dead body." Regina had chugged down a few more drinks and stood up, "I'm going to tell a damn story now so everyone shut it. Do not interrupt me! Ahem! Once there was a beautiful queen with two beautiful kids, a son and daughter. She loved them very much and would do anything for them and every year on christmas she made sure to get them everything they asked for. But this year was different, there was a new person in their kingdom who posed as a problem for the happy family. The Queen quickly thought of a plan to exterminate the problem, fearing for the protection of her family. She found the newcomer and handed her a beautiful red apple, once she ate it the newcomer turned into a pillar of salt. The Queen was happy and she once again gave her kids a wonderful christmas. And they lived happily ever after." And Regina flopped back on the couch with another bottle of wine in her hands, proud of her story. Emma would have had a response but she knew messing with Regina while she was drinking was never a good idea, that burn scar on her butt was a constant reminder of how powerful Regina's fireballs were when she was drunk. Snow sighed deeply, "I think I have a better story. One beautiful day a young princess was out walking in the snow, taking her friend some freshly made cookies for the holidays when she came across a family of homeless people. They were shivering, starving, and tired. She felt so bad for them that she gave her entire basket to them and even gave them her coat she was wearing. They tried to refuse but she insisted and they were forever grateful for her kindness. And that, kids, is what christmas is about, being kind and caring for people." Charming gave his wife a kiss, "I agree dear." Cora threw water on them, "Calm it down horn dogs. And Snow your story sucked! All goody-goody. Blech!" The two love birds, drenched with water, got up and went to dry themselves off but on the way Snow pushed Cora out her chair, causing the deranged woman to knock into Regina, spilling wine on her shirt. "Mother!" She yelled in frustration at the perfectly good wine that had been spilt. Cora stood up and dusted her dress off, "It wasn't my fault. You all saw it, she pushed me!" Everyone looked the other way and nonchalantly whistled, "Okay, I see how it is. I guess I'll have to get you all new christmas presents." She used her magic to clean her daughter's shirt. "No please! No more dreams!" Emma and Regina pleaded. Cora sat back down and smiled, "That's what I thought. Now who's next?" The Charmings returned and Fiona got up, "I guess I can go." She spoke softly. She was still on punishment from the little mishap with the credit card and shredding clothes and Regina was serious when she said that Cora and Belle would home-school her. Belle was an excellent teacher because of the knowledge she gained from reading books but Cora, though wise, didn't take any nonsense but also often, didn't take things seriously. Her magic lessons with the girl would often result in explosions and Emma trying to keep Regina from hurting the pair. "Go on munchkin, tell us your story." Emma gave a warm smile to her daughter. Fiona nodded with a grin, "Once upon a time there was this family. They were very dysfunctional but loving nonetheless. And one day there was a knock at their door, when they opened it there was a basket on their doorstep with a beautiful baby girl in it. The family was so confused as to why someone would give them a baby because they weren't necessarily qualified to be raising another child but still they took the baby in and immediately made her a part of the family. They accepted her for who she was and loved her unconditionally. As she grew, so did their love for her and they all came together as a family to give her everything she needed. Even though she made some mistakes along the way, and I mean some really big mistakes, she was eventually forgiven and that's when she realized how loved she was and that she wouldn't want to be anywhere else. She was put in this family for a reason and that's where she belonged. Blood doesn't make you family, love does." Everyone was teary eyed, even Regina, who got up and hugged Fiona, "Oh my baby! My sweet precious baby! I love you so much! You're still grounded though. But my baby!" Emma, Cora and Snow joined in on the hug and a few seconds later everyone else joined in. "One big, happy family. Crazy, but happy." Henry said proudly.