F*cking the Enemy

8

You were still horny once you reluctantly got dressed and Namjoon asked you politely to leave, making you feel somewhat uncomfortable; but as he arranged his tie in the mirror you looked out of the corner of your eye at his screen, which showed what appeared to be his schedule, and on the time slot you just had taken for yourself there was a name that most likely belonged to the gorgeous man that had left 20 minutes ago: "Kim Taehyung".
You said a quick goodbye to Namjoon, after he basically kicked you out of his office and left the building while the cogs of your brain turned and twisted, wanting to know more about Kim Taehyung. Who is he? What does he do? Was he one of Namjoon's clients? Why don't you know anything about him?
That night you didn't hear again from Namjoon, but really, what was occupying most of your brain was that Taehyung guy... There was something just so bewitching about him. It wasn't just his looks, you had felt some type of violent pull towards him as soon as he stood beside you and gazed into your eyes. His aura, his whole energy was one of mystery and obvious power. When he had left the room it had felt like both a relief and a punishment, and most of all, like he was definitely bad news.
(...)
The following morning came after nightmares of shadows persecuting you and forcing themselves on you; but that wasn't the first time you had dreams like this. As a matter of fact you believed that somewhere deep inside, you took some sick pleasure in having such nightmares. It felt like you were addicted to pain, like suffering was the most familiar sensation in your life and the one thing keeping you human. You knew it was fucked up, but it kept you alive somehow. You had turned off so many other emotions along the way, that if you turned off just one more you'd become some sort of mindless zombie or robot...
You knew that if you went to see a therapist about it, they would tell you that the reason you've never allowed yourself to be in a loving relationship, to enjoy yourself, or be happy for that matter is that you don't feel you deserve it. That you feel you should have died with your family all those years ago... That it wasn't your fault, and you shouldn't blame yourself; but you don't really... You blame whoever took your whole life away from you.
As you look out your windows at the gloomy streaks of light coming from the Sun behind gray clouds you realize that the real issue is that you've forgotten how to love, how to enjoy company, how to care about things such as the future, taking vacations, art and hobbies... You had been so busy and devoted to your life's mission that everyone and everything else had become secondary.
Of course you were still a human being with needs, which would prompt you to seek out sexual intimacy every now and then; but your brain would stop you from developing romantic feelings for anyone before they even started. Or at least you thought so, but lately something had stirred up inside you, ever since Jungkook had turned his back on you, that had triggered so many unwelcome emotions and cravings that you were starting to get worried.

In any case, the solution to your problems wasn't trying to figure out Namjoon's confusing intentions; or trying to mend things with Jungkook; or finding out who Kim Taehyung was... the solution lies in doing your job... Maybe after solving enough cases, something in you would flip and would allow you to find happiness, or at least peace... Maybe after enough time has passed, you could finally move on and let go of all the resentment that has made you into what you are... But you're not ready for that yet...
So you get dressed and head to work.

The calm and obscure ambience of this particular week makes it easy for you to focus on your work, to connect more dots and follow more clues. You feel much closer to finding the culprit and you and Jungkook have grown extremely professional dealing with these cases. It feels like sleeping with him in the past might have been just the thing that had hindered the two of you from collaborating appropriately, which is understandable but still unfortunate. Nevertheless, the damage is done; because every time your screen lights up with one of Namjoon's rare messages, Jungkook reverts back into his angry self.
-Honestly, Jungkook, I really don't understand what you expect me to do...- you say before he scoffs and walks away leaving you alone mid sentence.