Trauma Bond

Chapter Fourteen: Downfall

The next day had slowly passed you by. You and Eren ignored each other, doing your own things. He played video games while you opted to clean the areas that you had missed during the previous day, the thoughts from last night's arguments plaguing your mind. He had apologized, but the source of the problem went unresolved. You just wanted him to confide in you the way you confided in him.

You ended up bringing it up with him later, but he only got mad at you, which spurred another heated argument. This argument never got resolved either, you had both went back to spitefully ignoring each other. You ended up spending the rest of your night drinking on your back porch, this time with the pack of cigarettes that you had purchased yourself. 

He ended up leaving for work, leaving you alone without even a simple 'goodbye'. You didn't wait up for him tonight since you had work in the morning, so you went to bed. 

The next morning you woke up with a light headache, so you took some acetaminophen before getting ready for work. Eren was asleep next to you, so you quietly got ready for work not wanting to wake him up. 

After you left for work, you couldn't shake the feeling that something felt different. The thought plagued you throughout your day at work, but you successfully pushed it away and busied yourself with work instead— one of your coping mechanisms.

The feeling returned once you left the building, heading back to your car to head home. Your ride home was filled with music to drown out the impending dread of going back to your apartment and having to face a moody Eren.

Once you walked through the front door, you realized that Eren wasn't here. 

You got dressed into more comfortable clothes, relieved to be out of your business attire and went outside to the back porch. You pulled your phone out and lit a cigarette. You smoked it as you texted Eren.

(6:48pm) You: Hey, where are you? I think we should talk.

Your nerves took over as you smoked and waited for his response, your unfocused gaze looking ahead of you without processing your view. Finally your phone buzzed, pulling you from your thoughts.

(6:53pm) Eren: I'll be there soon.

You let out a shaky breath, finishing up your cigarette and putting it out in the ashtray before you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You took a couple of swigs from the bottle of vodka in your pantry and put it back, heading to the living room to sit on the couch and wait for Eren. You idly scrolled through your phone, letting the alcohol relax your muscles.

Before you knew it, Eren walked through the front door. He walked up to the couch and stood there for a moment, not bothering to sit down. You looked up at him, locking your phone and placing it on the coffee table. He seemed zoned out, lost in thought as he looked at the floor. Your heart began pumping fast, your mind thinking of the worst. Something definitely felt off.

He took a deep breath, exhaling before he spoke. "Why don't you come outside with me?" He never met your gaze, his expression completely neutral and eyes half-lidded, just like it was when you saw him at the nightclub for the very first time. 

You got up from the couch and followed him outside to the back porch. He sat down in his usual spot and lit up a cigarette, so you did the same. 

After taking a long drag from his cigarette, he exhaled and looked over at you and met your gaze. His demeanor hadn't changed at all. "What did you want to talk about?"

You took a long drag from your cigarette, thinking of what to say without making him mad. You ashed the cigarette in the ash tray, exhaling the smoke from your lungs. "I'm just concerned about you, Eren. I'm tired of fighting with you, I just want you to talk to me."

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "I don't want to burden you with my problems, you have enough shit going on in your life."

You felt taken aback by his response. He was right, you were going through a lot, but you still wanted to be there for him. "Eren, you aren't burdening me. I care about you, I want to help you." You looked at him with concern.

He avoided your gaze, continuing to smoke in a moment of silence before he responded. "I don't think this is something you can help with, (Y/N). We're both broken in ways that the other can't fix." 

Tears brimmed over your eyes, threatening to spill over. "I know, I've been meaning to get into therapy and I think you should too. Just please, don't shut me out."

He finished his cigarette, putting it out in the ashtray and hesitantly looking over at you. You finished yours as a few tears spilled over your cheeks. 

"(Y/N), I'm sorry." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "As much as I love you and don't want to do this, we need to break up."

You didn't say anything as the dam broke and sobs escaped your throat, tears falling from your eyes rapidly. 

"We bring out the worst in each other. We can't fix ourselves like this. We both need to heal." His voice sounded sad, as much as he was trying to conceal it and stay strong. His own words were breaking him.

You couldn't think of any words to say, you couldn't will yourself to speak. You wanted to beg him to stay, to promise that things will be different, but you couldn't get it out. 

"I've already taken all my stuff back home." He stood up and walked over to the door, but he turned around and looked at you one more time. "I'm sorry, (Y/N), I hope you get the help you need and can move forward." He quickly went in, softly closing the door. He left his key to your house on the coffee table and made his way out of the front door, locking it before he shut it. 

He made his way to his car, sitting in the driver's seat and closing the door. He hadn't been able to start the car before he had his own breakdown. He hated himself for doing this, not just to you but to himself as well. He thought he was doing what was best for you, urging you to get help and not burdening you with his own problems, but he wanted to be selfish and stay. 

Meanwhile, you continued to have your own breakdown on your back porch. You ended  up going inside, not wanting the other apartment tenants to hear your wailing and screaming. You plopped on the couch facedown, screaming into the cushion.

After your breakdown and taking a few more swigs from the bottle of vodka, you numbly made your way to your room to lay down in bed. Exhaustion had set in without you bothering to properly get yourself ready for bed. You closed your eyes and quietly sobbed until you fell asleep.

For the first time in months, you were completely alone.