These Notes You'll Never Receive

#002

You....you were my savior, and yes I said were. You were the one who came into my life out of nowhere and helped me through the tough times between me and her. You also helped me with my grades and that's why I am where I am.

But the things you helped me with the most involved her. You helped the yelling stop and you helped calm her down. I want you to know that I used to hope and pray that one day you wouldn't wake up and realize how stupid you are where for staying, and you would pack up your stuff up and never return. I hoped and prayed you wouldn't leave me behind with her.

Yes, those were all past-tense on purpose, because just like you're thinking, all those things are no longer valid. You are not my savior anymore, you don't help anymore. I don't hope and pray for you to stay anymore; even sometimes it's the opposite. Yes, I'm gonna say it sometimes I hope and pray that you leave and never come back. The thing is, that no, you are not as bad as her, but it hurts way more, way more, when it's you yelling and calling me names. It pisses me off, the fact that you never help me anymore with her. Oh no sir, you don't help me anymore, but you provoke her, you make her mad.

How can you make such a 180 in such a short time? The words you say that are mean are the ones that I remember more clearly then hers. Hers are a blur but yours are engraved into my mind.

Cruel...

Pointless...

Yes, these aren't as bad as "bitch" or "retard", but you saying these words hurt way worse than anything else. I have two last vital questions for you.
How does it make you feel to know that you are no longer my savior?

But what's even more important; how does it make you feel that I am now left without a savior and that I currently am trying and failing to fend for myself? I'm barely surviving without my savior here to help me.

-Surviving