Temptation 2

26 - madden

I wrap both arms around my chest after hanging up with Hero. I look straight ahead to find a swarm of paparazzi shooting pictures of me, standing in my skimpy bikini, showing off all my secrets I kept hidden for years.

There's a sex tape out there now, and yeah—everyone saw me ride my soon-to-be-husband's dick but that doesn't really burden me. Hero is getting the tapes back, trashing them all (or burning) and it'll be wiped clean from the world. It's as I stand here in my bikini, bucket hat and sunglasses, they're truly taking pictures of me—my body.

I will always live with the mental health that I have but I've learnt how to fight my demons. I will have bad days; everyone has bad days but I'm fighting my pain, one day at a time and I'm winning most of the time. If this were a Disney movie, I'd be Hercules, in a slump trying to find a reason to go on after being so beaten but then I come back on top, starting all over again from scratch and coming out in the end saving Meg. Hero's my Meg in our Disney movie. I'm not ashamed of my body, but I am afraid of the scars my body bares. I know what's it was like to be a young girl, fighting to fit in and trying to stay as skinny as possible and when you're young and you idealize celebrities like the Kardashian's, it's hard to erase that "skinny", "sexy", body expectations. I don't want young girls to see me and think this is beauty, because the pain I've put my body isn't beautiful, it's demented.

I turn around to find Tom, holding up a beach towel and wrapping it around my body. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and brings me back to our little group. As Tom and I sit down, he keeps his arm around my shoulders and engages in conversation with Kid. I watch Zendaya stare at Tom's arm over me. I shake off Tom's arm which causes he to stop mid-sentence and give me a look. I reach over, grabbing a water bottle, using that movement as an excuse to shake him off. He takes it and doesn't put his arm around me again.

Everyone is engaged in a conversation about other celebrities they are all acquainted with. I try to participate in the conversation, but unfortunately for me, I haven't been in this world for that long and I've only met a few people. They go on and on about the Kim and Kayne drama and I just stop listening. I'm caught staring at Zendaya who has the largest smile on her face every time Tom speaks. I see her small touches she gives Tom; I pick up on her nervous tick every time she participates in the conversation. Suddenly, I think I have the most brilliant idea in the world. I stand up quickly and start packing my things. "I'm exhausted but how would everyone feel about dinner tomorrow night. Hailey, bring Justin and Kid you can bring your girlfriend. What do you think? Thursday at 7PM, we can go to that new sushi place?" Everyone stares at me for a second but then I get a couple head nods followed by a few "Sure, sounds great."

* * *

I get back to the hotel before Hero, but Tom has me packing everything up because he managed to get his property ready to go over night, so now we're going to stay at his place. He originally wanted to stay with us because we we're closer to where he needed to be but now that Hero and I are, essentially, homeless, he offered and keeps reminding me he doesn't mind the extra long drive.

At Tom's house, I get settled into one of the guest rooms with the attached bathroom. I shoot Hero a text to let him know we're staying at Tom's from the time being. Tom leaves the house to meet up with a few of his Spiderman friends and I take the alone time to house hunt. Hero and I decided it would be best to sell the house. Although, we have so many amazing memories there, I can't go into that house again. Hero is meeting with an agent before he comes back here so I browse smaller homes. I'm looking for land, but Hero is looking for architecture.

I love LA, but we decided we wanted to find a permanent, secluded home where we can forget the outside world so we decided to look outside LA. Hero says we can go back to Canada, but even Vancouver is a little too busy for what we want; we want away from celebrity and Vancouver has always been a filming area. We looked at Florida, just because I thought it would be fun to live so close to Disney World, but it would be too obvious. Right now, I'm just doing a wide search, no specific location, just scrolling. I look through so many pictures, some in Indiana, some in North Carolina, some in Calabasas, even some in Toronto but none really catch my attention.