Temptation 2

2 - hero

Hollywood is a place of people either looking to become famous or are already famous. Every day I run into someone who is looking for advice, my autograph, a way in or someone I already know from this business. Today, I ran into Tom Holland's manager which really threw me off. I think of Madden every single day, quite literally every single minute and second of the day but seeing this face really stings. I know that Tom has been sheltering her, but I also know she is in pain. The paparazzi have given up on me, for now but they will always look for Madden. Tom's been hiding her in his mansion, away from the eyes of the public which is smart but also dumb because I know Madden and I know that she must be going mad.

The first week apart from her, I received plenty of phone calls from Tom and I refused to answer them. I knew he was calling to shit on me; to tell me how horrible of a man I was, and I didn't want to hear it because I already knew it. I had to let Madden go, in order for her to have a real shot at a good life. I went through rehab, but I never in mind have committed to the idea that my sobriety would stick. I thought if I loved her hard enough that I would be able to ignore the temptation, but it was clear that I couldn't do that, so I went back to my old ways. Tom called me 5 times a day, and on the last day of the week, I decided to answer, "Hello Tom." Tom instantly started begging me to come see her. He sounded worried and I could hear how scared he was in his tone of voice. He spoke fast and quiet, probably because she was nearby. "She hasn't left her room and she hasn't eaten anything. Hero, as annoying it is for me, she needs you. At least have the decency to give her some closure." I took a deep breath in, and for a moment I hesitated but stuck with my original choice, "I can't Tom," and I hung up. I don't know why I answered in the first place, it only made me want to be back with her even more; I wanted to save her from her pain, but I thought in my head that this pain would be temporary in comparison to a life with me.

Thinking of Madden had me blank from reality for a moment, but I bounce back to become aware that Tom's manager notices me but chooses to look down at his feet and walks past me. I would have done the same thing to him but at the same time...what a dick! I continue to walk to my trailer just to rest my eyes for a few hours before I have to film another scene. As soon as I lay my head on the pillow, my phone begins to vibrate. I really want to ignore whomever is calling me because I haven't slept in 37 hours; realistically haven't had a real sleep since I lost Madden, but instinct tells me to answer the call. When I see the caller ID and it's her, my heart stops for just a second and then begins to race. I've been waiting for the day to hear her voice again, to see her eyes watch me as I watch her and to hold her in my arms, but this time never let her go. Before my head gets the best of me, I pick up the call and try to act nonchalant because I don't want her to hear the desperation in my voice, but it seems to come across as if I don't want to talk to her at all, so I just tell her honestly that I miss her—a lot. Fuck it, I'm desperate for her.

I am so thrilled to hear that she's going back to school and wish I could be there for her on her first day. I hope that Tom has set up some kind of security for her but am also aware that she will refuse protection from anyone other than myself. Before thinking about the worse, I choose to imagine her spending hours on the closet floor in her underwear just trying to find the perfect outfit because she overthinks these things all the time. My mind drifts off to the idea that Tom would be sitting next her in his underwear too, but a little gag reflex and I'm back to the conversation with her.

I already can tell from the shakiness in her voice that she's extremely anxious for her first day back at school and I'm nervous for her. Again, I get lost in the negatives and I really don't know how the public is going to react to Madden and if they will treat her like a normal person or if they will treat her like my ex and that nerves me but I don't want her to know that so I stay calm for my girl—Madden, and I do everything I can to distract her from her anxieties.