Temptation 2

29 - madden

Hero left me alone at Tom's house for a couple hours, he said he needed to 'clear his head'. My first question was, "Are you going to drink?" It was not something I ever saw myself asking him after everything he went through but at the same time, the fact that he couldn't look me in the eyes and tell me his truth, it concerned me. He assured me he wouldn't touch a drink and that if he were even tempted, I'd be the first person he'd come to and that I trusted. So, he left about 20 minutes ago and I'm still sitting outside, sipping on coffee, wondering where his head is at. He promised me before he left that when he came home, he'd talk to me, so I try my best not to dwell on it too much.

I force myself to stop thinking about it and go into the house. I clean the dishes in the sink and then back up to our room. I change into a pair of white bike shorts, a vintage oversized blue Nike tee and then head across the yard to Tom's personal gym. As I get on the treadmill, my phone starts buzzing on the treadmill stand. I lower the speed and pick up, "Hey Tom," I greet. "Madds, Hero just called me and I'm on my way home." What do you mean? Why are you coming home?" "Look, I'll be there in a couple of hours, we got to talk about somethings. Don't stress about it too much." "My boyfriend just up and left me in your house alone and now you're calling me telling me you're on your way back home, but you don't want me to stress?" I exclaim, "What the fuck Tom?" He sighs on the other end but never explains himself. He continues to tell me not to stress and that he'll seem me in a few hours then hangs up on me. Annoyed with his call, I shuffle through my phone looking for the angriest rap songs I can play and stop of GOOBA by 6ix9ine. I turn up the speed on the treadmill and start running as fast as I can. 20 minutes in, the songs stop playing and I'm receiving a call from Hailey. I turn down the speed once again to a walking pace and answer her FaceTime. "Hey babes!" She greets. "Hi Hails," I say with a tortured, panting tone. "Hero home yet?" she asks, because of course everyone knows my business except me! "Please tell me what is going on?" I am practically begging her. Next step, I'll be on my hands and knees. "Look, Justin and I were already on our way over to LA before Hero called us. We were coming for a surprise visit..." she pauses and takes a deep breath, "Look I can't say anything, but I promise you, we're looking out for you. We're your family now." I want to throw my phone across the gym because as if everyone gets to look out for me. "Hailey, if Hero is in trouble. I need to know. Stop protecting me, I can protect myself. Just tell me what the fuck is going on?" Her mouth turns down because I know she really want to tell me, but she won't. "Justin and I will be there in an hour. Just hang on babe." She says her goodbye quickly and hangs up. I get off the treadmill and do some ab-workouts for 10 minutes before I realize that it is not a good distraction right now. I head back in the house and up to our shower. I undress and jump into the warm water. My eyes catch onto my razor, sitting on the floor. I try to ignore it, not even touching it to pretend that the blades aren't there, but it's as if it's calling to me. I aggressively apply shampoo and rinse—stares intently at razor—applies conditioner and rises—reaches for razor but doesn't grab it—I wash my body and bend down, grabbing the razor. I pop off the blades and drop the handle of the razor. As I am about to run the sharp blades along my wrist, Hero opens the door, fully clothed, and gets in with me. His hand is reaching out, waiting for me to hand him the blades. Tears start streaming down my cheeks and I'm hyperventilating while also trying to apologize to him. I drop the blades in his open palm, and he opens the shower, leaving me for a second to dispose of the blades. He joins me again quickly, wrapping his soaking clothed body to mine as I sob hysterically in his arms. He strokes my wet hair, trying to calm me down. Eventually I focus on the sound of his heartbeat and bring myself back to reality. He never let's go of me, just continues to hold me. "Madden, baby girl. Why?" He asks. I look up at him, "What's going on Hero? Everyone is calling me; they're all coming here but why?" He sighs deeply and takes my face in his hands, "Let's get cleaned up and then I promise you, I'll tell you everything. Okay?" I shake my head in agreement and he kisses my forehead.