The Mistress Wife

Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

I HELD unto her hands like my life depends on it. Well, it does. She is my whole life and I don't know what will happen to me if this ends negatively.

"Remember when you found that lost little boy in the supermarket?" She nod her head "You look so beautiful, holding that boy in your arms and it made me want to have one. One of our own." She tried to speak but I stopped her

"I went to my doctor, nagpacheck up ako to know my sperm count and how long it might take for me to get you pregnant. I found out, my sperm count was low. It was a 50/50 chance that I'll get you pregnant. I was so ashamed of myself. Napakapalpak kong asawa. I won't be able to give you what you want. and at that time you started giving sign that you wanted to have a baby. Sabi ko, baka ito ang dahil kun bakit ipinapakita ng tadhana noon na hindi ka bagay saakin. So, I planned everything."

"Planned?" Nakakunot nuong tanong niya

"Yes, Only Lily knows the truth and my parents. They are against it, sabi nila kausapin kita pero natatakot ako. I'm such a dissapointment. So instead, I told my parents na maging cold sayo, and Lily? She's my cousin. Remember Liberianne? My cousin from states na close ko back then? It's her and her boyfriend is my doctor. Against silang lahat but wala silang nagawa." I look down on our hands, I intertwined it.

"I want you to hate me for cheating on you, for 'loving' someone else. Gusto kong kamuhian mo ako, pero bakit hindi mo magawa? You still look at me the same way you do when we were perfect. I expect you to look at me with full of hatred and disgust, but still you didn't. You still smiled at me. You still show me you love me, kahit na linoko na kita" Her face is emotionless now, she's just staring at me but urging me to continue

"I want you to hate me so that when time comes, you'll go find someone else na kaya kang bigyan ng anak. Someone who'll able to give you kahit sampu pa. And that day, yung na wrong send ka sakin? It hurt a lot to know na may ibang lalake na nagaalaga na sayo. A guy you may fall in love with and have babies. " I draw cicles in her palms

"Jason? I know he is a good man. He'll take care of you, love you. Pero di ko kinaya, so I made up an excuse para makastay ako kasama ka. I just couldn't take it anymore, hindi ko na kaya iyong malayuan kang binabantayan" I took a deep breath

"Then nun nagpangap ka na buntis, Ansakit, Lorraine, ang sakit sakit. Sabi ko, ayan na, magkakababy na siya pero hindi sayo. Jason was finally able to give you what you want. Pero I acted like it doesn't kill me inside. Mahal na mahal kita. I want your happiness. Then you confess na niloloko mo lang kami, I was so happy."

"Then bigla you asked for annulment. Sabi ko nun sa sarili ko, mahal na ata niya si Jason and she wanted to have a family with him. so I said okay. You din't know how hard it is to say okay when I fucking really wanted to say no. And kanina? We saw you sa restaurant, you don't know how happy I am to see you alone, then dumating iyong bata na yun, saying he is your suitor? I lost it. May jason na? May.. what's his name again? basta.. Ansakit isipin you are finally moving on. I know you deserve it, but,I guess I'm being selffish" Silence enveloped us.

*Pak!* Napahawak ako sa pisngi ko. I deserve that slap.

"You.. Ang.. You should've told me! Maiintindihan naman kita, Lester e! Do you really think so little of me? I am your wife! We vowed to tell each other everything, hindi iyong kikimkimin mo iyong iyo. Mahal na mahal kita. I don't care kung hindi na tayo magkaanak, It's fine with me. or.. or we could adopt.. or, I know a lot of doctors who can help us, pero anong ginawa mo?! You kept it to yourself. Lahat ng Problema, pagsubok may kalutasan lester, You don't need to keep it to yourself. I am your wife. " She's shaking ang tears are flowing from her eyes

"You.. you don't know how much it hurts na makita kang masaya, na may iba na. I acted fine with our situation kahit na pinapatay na ako sa loob, kasi mahal kita at sabi ko sa sarili ko, iyon ang ikasisiya mo. Jason? Yeah, he loves me. He can give me a baby if I want to, pero ayoko! Alam mo kung bakit?! I only want to carry a baby in my womb that is yours and no one else." After her last word she broke down, Yinakap ko siya

"I want to hate you, Lester pero di ko magawa kasi mahal na mahal kita. You have that right na mainsecure, but I am your wife and I'm the one who is suppose to take that insecurities away just like what you did with mine. We both know I was manang back then, and you are th heart throb. Na insecure din ako Lester, Pero dahil pinakita mo na mahal mo ako; dahil sa tuwing magkasama tayo ay saakin kalang nakatingin na para bang ako lang ang babae sa mundo at pinaramdam mo na proud ka na ligawan ako, maging girlfriend ako, na mahal na mahal mo ako, nawala iyong insecurities ko" She lifted her face to look at me

"Was my love not enough, Lester? Na inisip mo na huhusgahan kita? That I'll see you as a disspointment of a husband? Hindi ko ba naparamdam sayo na mahal na mahal kita na matatangap ko lahat ng flaws mo just like how you accepted mine? Alam mo, If nagpakain ako sa insecurities ko, sa takot ko noon, we wouldn't had have those wonderful memories together. Pero linabanan ko, nagpakamatatag ako. Hindi mo alam kun gaano ko inisip na kung gaano ka bagay doon sa mga kabatch nating sumasali ng Pageants. Pero Your love, Lester, it held me and made me realize na you accepted me for who I am and you'll accept every flaws i'll have." she cupped my face in her hands

"When I said 'I do' For years ago, that was the same time I said, Yes, I'll accept every flaw you have and will have. Mahal na mahal kita, Lester."She gave me a soft kiss, at saka siya lumabas ng kotse ko.

I understand her, and now I wish I followed Lily's advice and my parents'.

I'm such a fucking idiot.