Chasing You

18

LACEY

This is not happening.

I'm dreaming. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and laugh.

I think I need to sit down. I stumble on my heels making frustration grow in my chest. Fuck these heels. I'm drunk, Braden is drunk. He's drunk. I sit myself on the edge of my bed wide eyed.

It wasn't real. The bet wasn't real.

All this time of me thinking I wasn't good enough for them, for Braden, it was a fucking lie and I actually was. I've never been told I was enough. Ever since I was little my mom told me I needed to be better. Getting a one hundred on my spelling quiz in the third grade wasn't enough. I needed a one hundred and one. I needed to be better. I have been trying so hard to achieve this "enough" that I didn't even know it doesn't fucking exist.

"Lacey, say something," Braden begs. I'm not looking at him because my drunk ass is too baffled. Baffled that this literally all could have been avoided if Braden just told the truth. I probably wouldn't have been trying so damn hard to be enough.

"I- you, what the fuck," I whisper more to myself than Braden. "The bet, never existed?"

I feel like I'm repeating myself too much. Honestly, I don't give a fuck. My brain can't wrap around this fact that Braden made it all up and for what? Part of me is relieved it was all a lie and another part of me is pissed.

"No. It didn't."

I laugh because honestly this is hilarious. I am waiting for someone to hop out of the closet and say "gotcha!" No one does. No one will.

Life's such a fucking joke.

I angrily kickoff my heels and lean back on my arms. Fuck this, whole heartedly fuck this. I release a breath and then a small laugh.

"What the fuck," I say again. Honestly, if it weren't for the alcohol, I probably would be throwing a tantrum. Launching shit across the room at him, type of tantrum. "Let's recap shall we? You made up this idea of the bet for what? Entertainment? Yours I'm assuming since I guess Michael Burke didn't know you told me that."

Braden sighs stepping towards me but I hold up a hand at him. I need him to be at a distance.

"It wasn't for entertainment and no Burke didn't know. I did it so you would be hurt. So you would be equally hurt because you were fucking Burke the whole time you were fucking me."

Lie.

I slept with Michael Burke, first semester freshman year. None of us knew who any of them were. Michael Burke and I slept together once. Which I tried to tell Braden the night everything flew of the fucking handle.

"Michael, tonight is not the night," I tell him in a hushed tone. Julie is patiently standing behind me after Michael just yelled at her. He meets my eyes with an eye roll as he pushes me back. I catch myself as Julie slides in front of me.

"Don't touch her like that," Julie snaps in a tone I have never heard. Michael grabs Julie's arm and shoved her to the side.

"I really don't need you tell me what the fuck to do," he practically yells at her. Julie's brown eyes tear up making me stand up taller. Why the fuck am I with this kid? "Babe, let's get out of here."

I am about to say something back but my jaw drops when a small hand meets Michael's cheek. Carter stands in front of Julie and I with a heat in her eyes.

"Don't fucking touch either of them like that. Ever, Burke."

After that I don't know why I defended him. I was scared he'd hit me or do worse. I should have never fucking gotten with Michael. At first it started out as just to show Braden I had options and Braden never told me it bothered him as much as it did. Honestly, he didn't show me anything. When we were alone and sometimes with the group he would show me that he cares but never say it.