Chasing You

27

LACEY

"Hello?"

I am met with silence on the other end of the phone. I swallow thickly shutting my bedroom door closed. I sit on the edge of the bed and extend my legs. Still nothing.

"Mom?"

"I don't even know what to say to you right now." The tone of her voice says it all. She is pissed and she is disappointed. Awesome.

"Mom, I was just trying to do what is best for me-" I don't even get the chance to say anything else because she goes off.

"The best for you? I know what's best for you and it is not dropping Delta Gamma. I don't know what has been going on with you but we can fix this. You are going to go back in there and beg them for your spot back," my mom says in a stern tone. My throat tightens and my heart drops to the floor. She is so worried about how she is going to look and how this is going to affect her but she won't even take into consideration how I feel.

What I actually want.

She is still ranting at me over the phone but honestly, I am not even listening. I am almost twenty years old and I am letting her control my life. I joined Delta Gamma for her and I stayed for her and still wasn't even good enough. Nothing will ever be good enough for her and I get that now. It sucks that I didn't realize it until now.

"No."

"No? Lacey White, I did not raise you to become-"

"Become what? Independent? Know what I want? Not want to be a part of your shitty sorority because all the girls are a bunch of bitches who do drugs. I am doing this because it will make me feel better not for you. I am sick and fucking tired of me never being good enough for you," I snap back at her. She doesn't say anything at first but I can hear her breathing and she is pissed. My mom doesn't even have anything to be pissed about.

"Well then I guess I won't be needing to see you during break," she says in a short tone. I sit down on my bed feeling numb. During break? She doesn't even want me to come home for the break? My own mother telling me I am un-welcomed at my own home.

"This is all because of a fucking sorority and your dumbass alumni? You are uninviting me home? Your own daughter, you are picking fake sorority girls over me?" I laugh over the phone. I can't recognize the blonde girl staring at me in the mirror. She looks tired, worn down, and she's laughing. I am laughing because what the literal fuck. How in the hell did I end up here?

When I first started here I was so excited and happy to be here. Now I dread it. I actually dread going to class or having the possibility of running into someone I don't want to see. The stress is getting to me and everything that comes with college. I hate it. I hate that I approached college the way that I did. That I let my mom control what I was doing and never just listen to myself.

I actually let everyone walk all over me, for what?

"Do not insult them just because you weren't good enough to be in one," my mom snaps back at me. I stop laughing and swallow thickly. Once again, never fucking good enough.

"You know what Mom, I am good enough. You and everyone in that fucking sorority can tell me how I'm not good enough all you want but you'll be wasting your breath. You have no power over me anymore and I will find a place to live."

I don't let her say anything back as I hang up the phone.

I stare at the dark screen. My face staring right back at me. For some reason, I don't feel any better. After all of this today, I just feel exhausted. I feel like I am coming down off of a horrible high. I toss my phone onto the floor and lay back. Every bone in my body feels numb. I have no feeling about any of this. It's this weird voidless feeling that I can't make go away. I want to feel something. Cry even. But I can't.

There is nothing going on in my mind right now. Just a blankness that I can't explain. I know this will all hit me at some point but I'm glad I don't feel it right now. Which I feel guilty about. This is all types of fucked up. My mom just told me that I can't come home. I can't go home and I can't feel a damn thing.

A. Damn. Thing.

A knock on the door brings me away from my thoughts. I don't respond though because I don't really want to be bothered right now. I shut my eyes and welcome the darkness behind my eyelids. I hear the door open but keep my eyes shut. The bed dips down next to me and I am engulfed in Braden. His intoxicating smell. His presence. I just know it's Braden.

There's a few moments of silence before I speak.

"Why are you here?" I ask. He chuckles underneath his breath.

"Thought you could use a hug," he says with concern laced in his words. I sigh, crossing my arms over my chest.

"A hug? You aren't even touching me," I snort. He pauses but I feel his arms wrap around me. I easily lean against him and wrap my arm around him. His muscles relax as he just holds me. A rush of emotions comes over me and I feel the tears. They are hot and wet and gross and definitely not pretty.

"Lace," Braden sighs. He pulls me impossibly closer to him as I bury my head into his neck. I release a sob as my chest tightens.

I sit there and cry for who knows how long. Braden sits there with me holding me until my sobs became quiet crying to where I am now. My tears have dried and I have finally opened my eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut again and lay my head on Braden's chest. His heartbeat is calm and it calms me down.

"Sorry for getting tears and snot on you," I laugh against his chest. Braden releases a laugh too before pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"Anytime, Lace," he says, giving me another squeeze. I release a sigh lifting my head from his chest. I untangle our bodies from each other leaning back on my hand. Braden sends me a comforting smile and I try to return it but I know I look like shit.

"My mom told me I wasn't welcome home for break," I say without meeting his eyes. He intakes a breath. I pick a string on my bedding with my free hand. Braden's dark hand lays over my pale one. I look up at him and give him a sad smile. His dark features are sharp in the light of my room.

"Lacey I am so sorry she did that," Braden says lightly, grabbing my wrist. He pulls me into him and I let him. I lay on his chest again looking at him. "She doesn't deserve a daughter like you."

He reaches up and brushes away a stray tear. I lean in his palm, shutting my eyes. His warmth feels so good against my skin and after all the crying and all the events that have happened, everything is catching up to me.

"I am just so-" I pause before continuing. "Exhausted."

Braden nods his head at me in understanding, "Sleep."

"Now? Everyone is here and I don't want to be a debbie downer or anything," I state going to move away from him. He shakes his head keeping me in place.

"They all understand. Sleep," he says, his voice a little more stern now. I sigh but don't fight anymore. I am tired of fighting, especially today. There have just been so many changes and I hate it. I hate all of this. All of the change but a part of me, it's super small, but there. A part of me feels like this will all be okay. A singular sliver of me is happy I did this but it's hard to feel when at the moment I just want to cry.

"Stop thinking so hard and just relax. I will be here when you wake up," Braden whispers. I feel him press a kiss to my temple and I open them again. He raises his eyebrows at me in a challenging way, "Lacey."

"Promise?" I ask him. He furrows his eyebrows at me, "Promise you will be here when I wake up."

"I promise."

I lean down kissing his lips. It's soft, sweet and quick. I offer him a lazy smile before leaning back down on his chest. I listen to the sound of his heartbeat as sleep takes over my body.