Home (HE/HIM VERSION)

17

"Y/n... You don't mean that-"

"I mean it, Wanda. I mean every fucking word." Y/n admitted in a bitter tone, a resentful look in her eyes. He was serious. Completely serious. It wasn't just a throwaway sentence so he could pull at Wanda's heartstrings. It had been in the back of y/n's mind for a long time, and finally being able to get it off his chest felt amazing.

He knew it was wrong. He knew that it was a twisted string of words, but it had been stuck in the back of his mind ever since the battle against Thanos ended. To wish that half of the planet never came back was sick, but y/n couldn't help it. He had nothing and nobody left. He was done.

Wanda was stunned into silence at the sour admittance, her jaw clenching as tears continued to slowly roll. She couldn't believe anyone on the team would say something like that, especially y/n. The team were all about saving lives and making the world a better place, and there y/n was, wishing that people would've stayed dusted.

Wanda was one of the people that had fallen victim to the 'dusting', and it definitely wasn't a pleasant experience. One moment she was mourning the loss of her soulmate, sobbing in y/n's arms, and the next moment she was sat in an empty forest in Wakanda, alone. Five years went by in an instant, and it was terrifying.

Y/n shrugged with an exasperated laugh, his hands slapping down against his sides. "If I didn't say yes to Natasha on that stupidly hot day, maybe the team wouldn't have carried on with their plan." He ranted, his voice trembling and wavering. "If I stayed on that damn farm, maybe Natasha and Bucky would still be alive-" Y/n cut himself off as his voice cracked, furiously wiping his cheeks with the backs of his hands.

"Bucky still would've been dusted, I get that. But at least his throat wouldn't have been crushed right in front of me. At least his face wouldn't have been so beaten and bruised that I could barely recognise him-" Y/n enunciated every word with heavy spite, heaving in a broken breath. He was crumbling right in front of Wanda, but he continued to talk. "I heard the crunch of his throat. Did you know that? He hit the ground like a doll, and when I got there, he was already gone." He practically spat, his face a pure sight of grief.

Wanda watched with a heavy heart, just wanting to step forward and hug the resentful man. "Y/n." She started with a shaky breath, trying to calm herself down from the high emotions in the room. "If I knew I could do this, I would've. I would've in a heartbeat." She nodded with a sad shrug. "But do you know who pulled me out of the darkness when I had to lose Vision?" Wanda asked, watching y/n with careful eyes.

"You did." Wanda whispered with a weak smile. "You were there for me the entire time when he died. You distracted Thanos so I could say goodbye, and you were right by my side when Vision died." Her voice wavered at the horrible memory, but she knew she had no choice but to carry on. Wanda had to get through to y/n, even if it was painful. "So now I'm here to do the same for you. When you let go, you won't be alone. You'll have me-"

"No. You were able to say goodbye, Wanda. I wasn't." Y/n snapped bitterly. "I didn't have the time to come to terms with it. I wasn't able to hug him or have one last kiss. Do you know what our last words to each other were?" He asked, bottom lip trembling uncontrollably. "He said: 'You've got to tell me if you're feeling uneasy, okay? No hiding anything.'. And I repeated 'no hiding anything' straight back to him'." Recalling the bittersweet memory, the moment before disaster, felt like a knife through the heart.

Wanda swallowed hard, making sure to keep her distance from y/n. She felt terrible for him, but what y/n was going was wrong. Really wrong. "Yet here you are, hiding everything from him-"

"Shut up." Y/n interrupted, pointing at Wanda with a shaky hand. He was right. But it wasn't the truth y/n wanted to hear. "I'm doing it to protect him. He deserves to be carefree. He deserves to be able to sleep at night-"

"But he's not able to sleep at night, is he? I watched the episode where he had a nightmare." Wanda interrupted, trying to keep her voice soft in spite of the harsh words she was saying to y/n. She had to snap y/n out of his delusion. The poor man was clearly heavily mourning. Controlling a town and pretending to be a character wasn't what he needed to move past it. He was dwelling in his own grief. "All the townspeople you're controlling? They're having your nightmares, y/n. Just like Bucky. You're torturing these people."

Y/n took a sharp breath, shaking his head over and over again. "That only started when you and the military arrived. You ruined my peace. I was happy here. I am happy here." He said in a shaky tone, trying to keep up his crumbling guard. He didn't know that the townspeople were having his nightmares. God, he didn't want anyone to go through what he went through, even in a nightmare.

Wanda could see that she was breaking y/n down. She didn't want to give him such a harsh wake-up call, but she didn't have a choice. They both knew that y/n wouldn't listen if she worded it any other way. "You're not happy, y/n. If you were happy, you wouldn't have broadcasted the show for people to watch. If you were happy, the world you created wouldn't be glitching. If you were happy, you wouldn't have argued with Bucky last night."

Y/n tensed up at Wanda's last sentence, looking at the woman with sad eyes. He was being read like a book. Attack after attack of the truth, and he didn't have the strength or energy to lie any longer. He tilted his head to the side, his shoulders falling as desperation took over the bitterness in his eyes. "I can't let go, Wanda. I can't." He whispered, his lungs feeling as if they'd been filled with spikes as the lump in his throat continued to grow.

"He was all I had!" Y/n tried to raise his voice and keep up his guard, but his voice continued to shake and crackle. "I had just gotten him back, Wanda. Just." He shook his head, resting his hands on the back of his head as her gaze averted back up to the ceiling. He let out a heavy puff of air, bottom lip continuing to wobble. "I went without him for five years, and I kept myself busy so I didn't have to think about it. Then I was given the chance to get him back, to get everyone back, and I took it. It was the worst idea of my life." Y/n admitted with an exasperated shrug, eyebrows knitted together to add to the exhaustion on his face.

"You have no idea what I went through during that twenty-four hour period, Wanda." He murmured through gritted teeth, gasping in another broken breath. "I faced a person that abused me for centuries. I lost Natasha. I lost my vision, and as soon as I got it back, the compound was blown up with me inside. Thanos beat the shit out of me too many times. And I lost Bucky." The last sentence caused his posture to crumble, a pained look on his face as he glared at Wanda. "I deserve to be happy. Just for once. I'm not letting go of this place."

Wanda was beginning to calm down, regaining her focus as she listened to the poor man. She didn't want to be the bad guy, but Wanda didn't have a choice. "You have to let go, y/n-" She started, putting her hand out to stop y/n talking when the man opened his mouth to argue. "You don't have a choice. If you don't let go by sunrise tomorrow, I'll have to do it. These are my powers that you're mimicking, and you know that." She nodded, giving y/n a sad smile. "If you stop me, the military will take control. I don't want to see you get hurt. This is your chance to let go peacefully. To be able to say goodbye the right way."

Y/n defenses crumbled as Wanda continued to talk, looking at Wanda with an almost betrayed look in his eyes. He knew that eventually people would start to interfere, but that didn't mean he'd prepared himself for it. He wasn't ready to say goodbye. Y/n wasn't even on good terms with Bucky at the moment. He wasn't ready.

Y/n had until sunrise the next day. That was it. There wasn't enough time for him to do everything he wanted. He was supposed to grow old with Bucky, and now he only had a few hours.

"It's not fair..."