Home (HE/HIM VERSION)

23

Walking home for the final time was an odd feeling for both of them.

It felt like an outer-body experience, both obviously knowing how to walk, but their legs just felt like jelly. They were both breathing in the humid evening air, scanning every detail of their route home. God, there were so many things Bucky hadn't noticed before, even if it felt like he'd walked that route thousands of times. Everything was so intricate.

With every step, y/n felt more and more sick. It felt like his body was trying to shut down again. Desperate to close itself off and turn back to the white noise. Desperate to protect him from what was about to happen. Y/n had almost given in to the shut-down, but he decided against it when Bucky started fiddling with his hand on their walk home, manipulating his fingers to make him do stupid hand gestures.

He couldn't shut down. Not when he had the opportunity of a lifetime. Y/n was going to be able to have a nice, peaceful goodbye. A goodbye on his terms.

*****

"So, have you got a movie in mind?"

Y/n and Bucky had arrived home, and were currently turning the lounge into the coziest place in the world - well, almost. It was a step-down from a pillow fort, but that was okay. The couch was covered in as many blankets and pillows they could find, the only source of light in the room was the lamp in the corner and the television, and the smell of freshly heated popcorn filled their senses.

Bucky had been the chief of popcorn and hot chocolate, obviously. Y/n wasn't trusted to do it, and for good reason. He'd burn the popcorn until they'd look like lumps of coal. Neither of them wanted that.

Y/n nodded as he helped Bucky carry everything over to the coffee table, both changed into comfier clothes. "Mhm!" He hummed happily, completely immersed in the task at hand. It almost felt like old times. They used to do this a lot together, whether it be in the compound or the many hotels around the world. It was always nice. "Wanda recommended it to me." He cooed, pressing play once they were both sat down and comfortable.

That was a lie. Wanda hadn't recommended it to him, but there was no point in explaining the real reason to Bucky. He wouldn't remember it.

It was the first movie that they had ever watched together.

*****

They'd both woken up from pretty heavy nightmares that night - nothing new, but they were fresh out of Hydra's mind control, so the nightmares had been extremely jarring for the pair.

Y/n's typical routine after a nightmare was to walk around the compound. There was something about that place that used to help him clear his head. Maybe because it was a maze and a pain in the ass to navigate, or maybe just because the cold halls were a nice temperature shift, y/n had no idea.

That night had been different, though. He was about to make his way back to his bedroom and try to fall back to sleep, but the sound of the television caught his attention. Y/n followed the noise all the way to the lounge, and there sat Bucky.

He was idly scrolling through different channels, but it was obvious he wasn't really there. He was completely spaced out, too affected by whatever had happened in his nightmare. The poor guy didn't even realised y/n was in the room until the couch dipped down beside him.

"Here, let's put something on." Y/n's voice cooed, pulling him completely out of his thoughts. He carefully pried the remote from Bucky's grip, eyes fixing back to the television as he played the first thing that popped up.

Bucky could tell that y/n was struggling, too. He could see the tear stains on his cheeks and the way that his entire body was tensed up, so, he did something that was probably the first stepping stone to their entire relationship. He wrapped an arm around y/n and pulled him close.

They sat like that for the entire movie. The entire terrible movie. It wasn't a joke, it was probably the worst movie they'd ever see. The pair laughed about it afterwards, ranting and acting out the stupid scenes with one another until the sun came out.

That movie became tradition with the pair. They watched it in every single country they travelled to. They quoted it at random times, and they even went to some of the places the movie was filmed at so that they could act out the scenes. It was, as Natasha liked to call it, dorky, but the pair didn't care. It was their little thing.

*****

Once the credits started to roll, Bucky sat up with an exasperated laugh, moving the empty popcorn bowl onto the coffee table. "That was so bad! Why would anyone recommend something like that?" He exclaimed, a genuine grin on his face as he started to rant about every terrible thing that happened. Exactly like he did the first time they watched the movie.

Y/n didn't say a word. He couldn't. When the credits rolled, he'd been sucked back into the reality that he'd have to say goodbye soon. The sun had gone down. If he opened his mouth, he'd break down. So he simply watched Bucky with fond eyes as he laughed and ranted.

It was obvious he wasn't actually listening. Hearing him laugh and ramble had made him realise that it was time to let go. The Bucky sat in front of him wasn't his Bucky. He didn't have all the great memories that made them, them. He had no clue that they'd watched that movie at least over fifty times. This Bucky had no clue that they used to have this movie memorised, line by line, scene by scene, and would quote the cheesiest parts at random times. But that didn't mean that the goodbye was going to hurt any less. It was going to crush him, and he knew it.

Even if y/n wasn't listening, he still watched Bucky with a loving grin. God, he could talk for hours on end without y/n complaining. His voice was home.

Bucky was home.