Ghost Of You | cth

40. Watch It All Fall Down

~Paige

I didn't want to leave Calum's side after he found out I have lung cancer.

In the midst of all the tears and holding on to each other for dear life, we somehow fell asleep wrapped tightly in each other's arms. But when I woke up this morning I felt more claustrophobic than ever.

I thought that ordering coffee and sitting on the balcony of our hotel room would help me feel better, but I ended up staring at the lipstick stain on my coffee cup for too long and got lost in my own tormenting thoughts.

Before I knew it, I was throwing on any warm clothes I could find and walking down the raining streets of New York early in the morning by myself.

Hardly any stores were open due to how early in the morning it is, but one place in particular caught my eye. I hadn't even realized tears were falling down my cheeks until I stopped in front of the comfortable looking bookstore.

Luckily, the lights were on and a sign on the door read open. If it weren't for how cold it is outside I would have continued walking down the street, not in the mood for other people, but I aggressively wipe my tears away with the sleeve of my coat and walk in anyways.

A small bell attached to the door chimes when I walk in, and I immediately notice a brunette girl sitting behind the counter, her focus intently on the book she's reading. Thankfully there was no one else in the store besides the both of us, if it weren't for the gloomy calm morning and clear streets I walked, my anxiety would have already brought me over the edge.

I take slow, careful steps through the store and notice how it is overwhelmed with shelves filled with a plethora of books, how comfortable beanbags lay in the corner, and fairy lights hang all over the ceiling and walls. Because of the aura radiating from this place, I feel myself somewhat relax and take a breath.

I've never been much of a reader but walking through the shelves and looking at the covers of the books calmed my mind, making me want to live in these aisles forever and never worry about anything ever again.

Telling Calum may seem like the biggest mistake I've ever made, but I know he needed to know. It was unfair of me to keep something like that a secret for as long as I did.

I walk around one of the bookshelves and just as I run a hand across a few books, I turn and make eye contact with the girl at the counter. She gives me a soft smile to which I do my best at reciprocating, it's hard to smile when you know you have the weight of losing your life soon on your shoulders.

"Sorry, I know it's early but your store looked so comfortable." My voice sounds raspy due to the early hours of the morning and from the amount of crying I've done in the past twelve hours, however that doesn't stop the girl from setting her book down and giving me full attention.

"Don't even worry about it," She says, her voice sweet and kind. "I decided to open the store early today because of the rain."

Deciding that I appreciate her presence and how comfortable she makes me feel, I step away from the book shelf and closer to where she sits behind the counter, "I'm not much of a reader, but your store makes me feel like I could get lost in the pages for hours."

A wide grin over takes her features, she really is a cute girl. She also looks to be around my age, "Thank you. That means a lot to my boyfriend and I. I'm Arlo, by the way."

Again, I try and force a small smile at her, "Paige."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to over step but are you alright?" This doesn't offend me in anyway, in fact I'm grateful that someone noticed I'm not okay. I'm quite honestly done hiding how I feel all the time and decide that it could be a good thing to open up to her about everything.