Ghost Of You | cth

6. I Can't Take It

~Paige

"I just can't believe he's been doing this, again!" I say angrily pacing across the hotel room. Vanessa sat at the foot of my hotel bed and listened as I let it all out.

"I mean he told me that he would stop, but then he doesn't and just continues behind my back. It doesn't make sense?" I exasperate with large hand gestures. I hardly know what to do with myself right now.

If it wasn't because of my job, I probably would've gone straight to the hotel room after catching Calum outside.

The thought makes me feel really bad, but it's true. Of course I love supporting them and being present at their shows, but I just couldn't bare being in the presence of Calum after what he did, or what he's been doing.

My heart practically shattered after seeing him with that cigarette, and what broke me even more is the fact that he has been lying to me this entire time.

"Do the guys even know that he still smokes?" Vanessa asks, her heading turning with the movements of my fast paced walking.

"I don't know," I say thinking about how angry I would feel if they did and didn't tell me. "Probably not though. They hate it just as much as I do."

Calum has dealt with anxiety from the moment he was born. He has always been so strong about it, some may say he comes off as an impenetrable person. I admire the way he handles the spotlight and constant attention from fans across the world.

His reason for smoking is understandable, but at the same time its not. There are substitutes for coping such as therapy, which he has always refused. It also doesn't help that our friend group likes to party after shows, which also means that we drink a lot, and alcohol does not mix well with anxiety or panic attacks.

"Do you think he'll stop since you caught him?" Vanessa asks tucking a piece of her long hair behind her ear.

"No." I say facing her, stopping my pacing that has now made me dizzy. "He didn't the last time, why would he now?"

As soon as the show ended, I dragged Vanessa and I out of the venue and into the Uber that was already waiting for us. We didn't even get the chance to congratulate the guys on an amazing show because of how fast I was to get us out of there.

Once we were in the Uber, I informed my confused best friend on what had happened and why I needed to get us to the hotel as soon as possible. I was on the verge of bursting with terrible emotions that I should not be feeling, especially with how good the tour has been.

I felt guilty tearing her away from Luke since this was the first show she has seen him perform on the Meet You There tour. But they're sharing a hotel room and we all know what will be taking place later on in the night.

"Its like this constant cycle that never ends." I say grasping onto my hair for some sort of stability on my racing thoughts.

"Come here Paige." Vanessa says patting the spot on the bed next to her. I reluctantly walk over and sit down beside her.

We both allow the silence of the room to take over for a few seconds. They are much needed. I haven't heard anything these past two hours but my angry thoughts and screaming fans.

"Maybe it's time to tell him?" She says breaking the silence.

I lift my head up and look at her ready to reject the idea, but she beats me to it. "If he knows, he will stop his addiction, or at least slow it down."

"I can't tell him. It would ruin everything Nessa!" I say looking at her with pleading eyes to just trust me on this. If I knew this wouldn't demolish everything I would have told him a long time ago, but I've kept this a secret for a reason.

"Well, I can't force you to do anything." She sighs. "But the way I see it, it would solve a lot of obstacles the two of you have been going through together since the beginning."

I take her words into consideration, but don't speak on it. Instead, I choose to stress the situation even more. "Smoking is one of the biggest leading causes of death."

The thought of the boy who I would do anything for dying, scares me beyond words. He means the entire world to me and more. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he ended up in the hospital because of smoking.

"Am I not doing enough?" I ask frustratedly.

"You are doing more than enough." She answers having more patience for me than I feel I deserve.

Is it even normal to worry this much about the people you care for most?

"For fucks sake, he's a fucking rockstar!" I yell, the anger I feel pent up inside of me. "Why is he doing this to himself? He needs his lungs to function in order to stay in this career for a very long time."

"He's stubborn." Vanessa says pointing out a key trait that all of us know he has. "Reminds me of someone I know." She says light heartedly towards me.

"I guess I shouldn't complain too much then." I admit knowing that she's right.

Calum and I are the two most stubborn people you will ever meet. We have thick skulls and head strong personalities. It's a good thing that we have similar interests and agree on almost everything, otherwise we would be arguing about pointless things every day.

"You don't have to tell him now, but I think it would be best if you do soon." Vanessa says seeming to get the message that I am just not ready for that yet.

I nod my head, "I don't really have a choice for that do I?"

"You don't, honey."

"I'm sorry for dragging you out of the venue before you got the chance to congratulate the boys." I say feeling more guilty now that my anger from the Calum situation has calmed down. "I feel awful now."

"Don't feel bad." She says placing a hand on mine. "I understand. If Luke did this type of shit I wouldn't even have stayed for the concert." Her words are somehow able to make feel better from the last few minutes that we've been in this hotel room.

"What did I do to deserve a person like you?" I question my luck with the amazing people I have surrounding me.

"Being here for you is honestly the least I could do." She shrugs looking at me with nothing but love in her eyes. "You're so supportive of everyone and you deserve to feel the same back."

"Thank you." I sigh, pulling my best friend into a hug.

The fact that I have such genuine people surrounding me is astonishing. Growing up, I never imagined I would end up with a job like this, or gifted people with good hearts around me all the time.

It almost makes me cry feeling all of these thoughts at once, but I don't let myself.

As we stay in the comfortable silence of our hug, there's a knock at the door. "I'll get that." Vanessa says pulling away and standing up from the bed.

I take in a few deep breaths and try to think about something else, just to feel calmer. It's a struggle to keep myself sane all the time, but I do it anyways. There's no use in freaking myself out over things I can't control.

"Paige," Vanessa calls over to me as she opens the door. "It's for you."

A/N
Hello baes!

I know we all think Paige is over reacting rn but don't hate on my girl! You'll know soon enough why she's so sensitive to Calum smoking.

Don't forget to vote and comment <3

I finished writing this chapter in class haha. It's all I can think about so I just had to.

Thank you for reading :)