𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐈𝐒𝐇// 𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐗𝐎𝐂

𝐱𝐱𝐱𝐢𝐱. ✭ 𝟓𝟎𝟓

JUNE, 1978; CHANCE

"I can't do it, Wayne. I can't do it anymore." I could hear daddy through his bedroom door. My ear was pressed against it, along with the rest of my body. "I don't cut it. Don't you see? She's- She- She needs..." His voice was muffled. I could only hear it in parts. Never all together. "I can't even look at her. She can't be here. I can't- She's always favored Misty, always!"

Did I love my Mama more?

Guilt poured thick down my throat, squeezing at my neck. I pushed my head off of his door, numerous thoughts splashing around inside my mind.

I missed her. Sometimes I stupidly prayed she would return. Just so I could get a glimpse of her. Just so I could get a reminder of what she looked like, smelled like, and felt like. Otherwise, I thought I loved my Daddy just as well. What in the world was he talking about?

"Don't say that, your little girl loves you," Wayne spoke back to Daddy. The shadows they produced flitted close together from under the door. "You two have gotten along fine and well for the past year. There's always an adjustment when you're taking care of a kid by yourself. Hell, you should've seen what Eds was like when he first came to live with me. The boy cried himself to sleep every night, wailing for his mother."

"It's not just that." Murmured Daddy. "It's her. It's her face. The way she says things. Every day. It looks more and more like..." He choked on his voice, falling to a whisper that I couldn't catch. "It's inside her. She's not like me, Wayne. I can't. She needs..." I pressed my ear closer than before, my heart racing.

What did I need? What was it, Daddy? Why? Why did you send me away? Why did you pluck me from my home? Why? Why?! Why?! Why?! Why did you leave me wondering why my whole life? Why didn't you give me an answer?

Just one simple reason why...

"I'll try and tell Eds," Wayne grunted, his footsteps falling toward the door. "He ain't gonna be happy...but they can write and call each other. It'll just be for a little while."

"Just for a couple of months." Daddy assured. "Just till I can get myself sorted."

A couple of months turned into six which turned into a year and split off into seven more. All I was left with were questions.

Why?

MARCH, 1986; CHANCE

"Tibs...Tibs...Tibs are you awake?" My hand skated across her back, fingers grazing the cloth of her baggy Talking Heads T-shirt. When she didn't answer my silent calls, I relented. Pulling off the beautiful dress I wore, my body slumped into the mattress beside her.

After tugging the lusciously soft covers over us, I drew close to her body. My stomach spooned her back, hands reaching up to brush her smooth hair aside. She was asleep. She was pretending to be asleep. Either way, I felt guilty. Tucking my chin down, I set a loving kiss on the nape of her neck.

"I'm sorry, cariño. That was more than a half-hour." I whispered, stroking her shoulder. "Sweet dreams, Tibs." A yawn broke out of my mouth and my face buried itself in her neck. My arms weaved tightly around her middle. Tibby breathed on, lightly snoring with a permanent furrow in her brow.

As I held her and drifted off, down below ached, reminding me of the night's events. Eddie had been so perfect. He was so lovely.
I could've gushed about him for hours and hours.