Elfman: A Decision

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I enter the guild hall, my eyes dart to the hulk of man who is currently hunched over a table in the far right corner. His face is completely covered by a pullover hoodie and a pair of sunglasses. I squint harder and see a few tufts of white hair exposed from under his hoodie. Elfman. His groans can be heard from across the hall.

Classic guild party hangover.

Mira is huddling around him with a handful of tablets and a glass of green sludge. The awful colour sends a shiver down my spine.

I chuckle at his suffering but karma strikes immediately. A wave a nausea almost overcomes me, but I take a steady breath and ground myself. Fuck. I felt pretty good earlier today too, other than a bit of fatigue. I found myself rounding people up last night and organising lifts home for those who were too far gone. I shake off the fear of emptying the contents of my stomach and continue to strut over Elfman.

"How's it going, buddy?"

He groans and looks up at me. His dark eyes are like slits in the light and his face looks about five shades paler than normal. "Say nothing."

"Looks like your sister has everything covered. Pretty lucky to have someone like that to look after your hungover ass, hey?"

He shakes his head. The pullover falls off his head. "They're just multivitamins. Mira doesn't believe in paracetemol." He rattles the glass of green, "and this is the leftover food and milk she found in the fridge."

He pauses to stifle a burp. "I'll wait 'til she's not in the kitchen before I dump it down the sink, this stuff is worse than what I brought up earlier today. "

Ew, Elfman.

I take a seat next to Elfman. An unsettling bubbling begins in my stomach again. I divert my thoughts elsewhere. "At least she makes an effort." I muse.

"Are you taking a stab at something?"

I feel the air starting to change. Elfman grows more sober.

I lean back in my seat and exhale. "Nothing I want to go into right now."

"Then maybe don't bring it up if you aren't gonna talk about it now."

I ignore his belligerent comment and peer over at the other patrons. While majority are recovering from last night, they at least seem to be engaging in hearty conversation. Something about Elfman irks me but I can't quite put my finger on it.

He goes back to resting his head on the table, pulling his hoodie back over his face and groaning.

While sitting at the wooden table, I start to feel the bile working its way up. I look at the floor, I look at my shoes, I look at the lights. I try to swallow it back down in a panic. It's not working. I slowly push my chair out. "I'll be back in a sec."

I don't know if Elfman is listening, I don't care right now. I just care about not causing a scene. I've always been surprised at my ability to hold off until the bathroom. I throw up—very timely I might add—right into the bowl of the toilet. I haven't eaten or drank much since yesterday, so it's mostly just water and bile acid.

I heave my guts up an impressive three more times before I feel someone behind me, pulling my hair back from out of the toilet.

"Jesus, (y/n). I didn't realise you weren't feeling great either."

Elfman.

I throw up once more before my stomach stops heaving. I flush the toilet and then crawl over to the sink for some water to rinse my mouth out with. "Thanks, but I don't need someone holding my hair back."

He shifts into a crouching position in front of me, his back against the wall. I look down at the ground.

"I was just checking on you." Elfman notes, a hint of irritability in his tone.

"I don't need you to check on me."

The Strauss man sighs. "So what is it then? What have I done to set you off, huh?"

The sourness in my mouth grows. I try to swallow my anger along with it. "I've been trying to talk to you all week. And only when you've been incredibly hungover have I been able to lock you down."

He scoffs in disbelief. "You disappeared every time I saw you last night, doesn't seem like you were chasing me much.

I laugh, infuriated. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you wanted to do things other than talk."

That seemed to shut him up quick.

He sighs and sits flat on the ground beside me. "Its not always the quick fuck that I'm after."

I flinch at the vulgar language Elfman uses. It's not like him. Or maybe I just don't know him. I feel tears begin to sting my eyes.

"Yeah, well look where that got us." I mutter without any forethought.

"What?" He says slowly, moving away from me an inch or two to close the door.

I shrug. I don't really know where to go from here.

An onset of nausea sets in again, but this time, I have nothing left to throw up. So instead I breathe in and out. "I'm pregnant."

I am met with the expected silence of a man who has never committed to anything outside of his family. I look down at the ground now, letting the tears gather and drop onto the ground.

What was I most afraid of? I mean, there are amazing people who raise children on their own everywhere. We live in a time where choice is a woman's right. A medical termination is an option, I guess I haven't thought much about it yet. I'm too fixed on Elfman's reaction to think about what I actually want. Would his support influence my decision?

I see the shadow of Elfman's feet shuffle closer to me. I don't look up at him. I focus on evening my breath, slowing the tears. Compose yourself.

Elfman touches a hand to the top of my knee, as subtle as a butterfly's wing. "I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't tell me before."

His voice is soft, the low tones of his register relieves my anxiety a little.

I place both my hands around his arm, and press my face upon his hand. "I feel like I'm at a loss about what to do."

My heart is racing now and the crying resumes. I feel another hand on my head, stroking in even motions.

"You don't have to know what you want to do just yet," he says. "Whatever you choose to do, you'll have my support. It's okay."

It's okay to not know.

I look up at him now, the anxiety is still there but has lessened.

"Alright."

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⏰ Last updated: Nov 14, 2023 ⏰

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