Grits.
_______________________
Jeongin sat on the floor in the bedroom, body against the door as he kept unwanted guests out. Aka Hyunjin.
Hyunjin didn't particularly do anything, and they haven't talked more about the Rosemary since a week ago. But Jeongin still had a heavy heart. He couldn't bare the thought of being a curse. He's life purpose was to curse another person, who didn't deserve such treatment. It felt like fire was spreading across his skin at the thought of it, the pure agony of being somebody's elses pain..it wasn't fair.
Sure he agreed with himself that he was a horrible person, a person who didn't deserve anything he received. Yet he still didn't think it was fair, being gifted acceptance and love, only to pass a curse onto the person giving him everything he needed. It was fair to be born in such fate. But he didn't want to victimize himself, he was the cruel one after all.
What if he chose to stay? Would he be happy, or would the thought of being a curse tear him apart? He didn't think any of this was fair..but his cruelness towards the taller wasn't fair neither..he could do nothing about it.
"Jeongin, please let me in..you've been keeping me out all day" Hyunjin spoke in worry, causing Jeongin to wonder how the taller never lost patience with him. It buried holes in him, that couldn't be refilled.
"I'm fine in here..i-i promise..I just need time Hyunjin" Jeongin spoke, knowing damn well time wouldn't cure any of this. It made it worse for a fact and made his thoughts explode like a bomb being thrown at him.
There was a quick silence behind the door, a soft knocking, and an attempt to push the door open.
"Please, don't make me use all.my strength baby..we could make some hot chocolate or food..how about a cuddling session as I read a book for you?" Hyunjin suggested, managing to put a food inside the now bigger creak in the door, that Jeongin was pushing his whole body weight against.
He didn't want to hurt Hyunjin nor himself further. He didn't want that..but he knew he couldn't keep the truth hidden for long, he needed to complain..and Felix was no option, he hated him..Chan was someone he was not associated with at all..so he was never going to be an option..and Hyunjin, would be devastated. He figured he should tell the truth when he left..with now knowing the way to ravenclaw, front and back..he could make his way back to Seoul.
All his thinking had distracted him from preventing Hyunjin to come in, which resulted in the male easily slipping through the door as crouching down beside the younger. Who only now realized he was fucked.
"I don't like that you are isolating yourself..you're never honest with me anymore, and is crying all alone..I want you to know that you can trust me darling.." Hyunjin spoke softly, brushing I few strands of hair behind Jeongin's ear, and out of his face.
Jeongin kept quiet though..nothing could spill out of him, the silence was louder than the rain outside. The open window increasing the noise of the skies crying heavily alongside him.
He had to make an decision now..it was now or never..Hyunjin deserved the truth, even though it hurted him so badly.
"I think I need to leave Hyunjin.." Jeongin spilled out..finally after long, he let go of those painful words. It both seemed to lift weight off his shoulders, yet add a bunch more onto them in a split second.
Hyunjin frowned confused..he didn't get what the younger meant. Wasn't he happy here? Sure his spend the past month crying and being depressed..but he didn't think it would leave to the thought of him leaving this place.
"Jeongin..you don't need-".
"I do..I don't belong here Hyunjin..I love being with you with all my heart, and I don't want to lose you..I keep begging you to stay, knowing that I am the one in the end who leaves you! I am no good for you, how can't you see it? You've been so good to me, but I've been nothing back..I'm no good boyfriend, I'm no good person..Hyunjin, I'm ruining you, how can't you see it?" Jeongin cried out, feeling the pending of his heart increase in speed.
Hyunjin was taken aback by the words, tears seemed to brim his eyes as he listened to the painful words escaping the younger's mouth, like rubbish being smeared around. He couldn't have the younger leaving..he would be lonely and heartbroken..again.
"I beg you to stay..I can't have you leaving..I've been so lonely..all these years endlessly repeating a daily routine, bored and lonely to the extend I didn't know what the purpose of my life was..just don't leave me..I beg you" Hyunjin spoke through painful sobs, the two of them crying as Hyunjin begged the younger to stay..while Jeongin begged to leave.
"I'm not savior for your loneliness Hyunjin..I'm your curse..can't you see it? I was made to tear you apart..and I hate it so much, I want to stay, I do..but I can't knowing I will break you heart into pieces that can't be picked up..I don't want to make the pain worse..Jinnie I don't want to leave, but I have to..I love you" Jeongin spoke as he stood up, Hyunjin following the exact movement.
"No please no..what can I do to make you stay? I'm desperate..don't end this..I won't be able to take it".
The way Hyunjin begged, felt like he was held on gunpoint..but with no weapons, but feelings instead. Jeongin couldn't help but to fall into the latter's arms as they cried..both not wanting to accept their fate. This has far been the most horrible and best experience in his life. But being a curse was not something Jeongin wanted to be, nor labeled as.
"Please stay, I will make this better..u promise" Hyunjin attempted once again through pathetic and useless begs to prevent the even that was meant to happen, happen.
Jeongin knew what he was doing was going to be an awful move..but it was the only way of not having to endure the painful begs and cries from, Hyunjin..but he was sure going to feel bad..but it couldn't be done a better way.
"I can't..I cannot do this..I can't leave, please don't let me leave Hyunjin" Jeongin cried..hating how he let lies fly out of his mouth like a swarm of bees sticking his tongue.
"I won't, I'm not going to let you leave.." Hyunjin cried, feeling happy he managed to change to younger's mind and intentions. Or so he thought.
Cause only Jeongin knew, that he would leave the taller later..when he get the opportunity to..though, crying at the thought of..they spend the night whispering sweet words to each other..all words Jeongin wanted to tell Hyunjin, he told Hyunjin..knowing he wouldn't get another opportunity to do so, was horrible.
