Faith and The Vampire ✔️

Epilogue

I always imagined that confessing feelings would be romantic and all that. Here I was, arguing with my tutor, and ended up confessing my feelings to him. There's nothing romantic about it. Just us, shouting at each other.

I could see his labored breathing and knew his heart was beating as quickly as mine. I knew this was wrong—knew all the logical reasons for us staying apart. But right then, I didn't care. I didn't want to control myself. I didn't want to lie.

I exhaled loudly, realizing how stiff he went after my confession. "I know this is juvenile and inappropriate. I'm trying so hard to fight this feeling. I'm scared of myself for that. Even though they're my feelings, I can't figure out where they're heading. No matter how much I try to change direction, it's not working—" I paused, watching him hesitantly.  "And I thought—
I thought avoiding your presence will help me to overcome it.  That's why..."

I couldn't bring myself to finish the last sentence.

He stared at me for what seemed like forever. " And what is it, do you think, you do to me?"

"I've caused you so many trouble. " I said bitterly.

Khalid shook his head. "If it were my choice, I'd want to get down on my knee to propose you right away."

I looked up at him. I nearly collapsed for what I heard. "What was that supposed to mean?"

His words came out thickly. "No love is real, no love is everlasting unless it is done for the sake of Allah." He paused, staring blankly into the blue sky. "Love for someone who's holding on to Allah is something else. If you love someone you don't just want good for their life now. You want good for this life and the next life. You want both and if you don't want both, then it's not what love is."

"I know that. That's selfishness," I said  "You're not selfish."

He looked down at me. "But, I can be."

"What? Why?" I demanded

"Because we can't be together. I wish…we could be together."

"Because of the age thing, right?" I asked. "Because you're my tutor?”

I wiped away a tear that had escaped down my cheek.

"That's part of it," he said "But also, well, I've seen how much you struggled to stay here, to maintain your scholarship status. If..... we get married, that will be selfish of me."

For a moment, I stared at him in disbelief.

Seeing my expression, the corner of his mouth turned up into a sly, sad smile. "It would be much easier for me. I can just resign, find a job somewhere else near you, sooner or later they'll get over me." He paused and sighed. "But to you? That would be a scandal. People will judge you, and your scholarship status will be at stake. I can't let that happen. I won't let you sacrifice your dream, no matter how I feel about you."

I'd never heard his voice so strained, so frantic. I had so many emotions  running through my head.

"Is that why you accepted the offer? To be my mentor?" I managed to ask.

He nodded. "That's the most sensible way for me. And hopefully for you, too."

Seeing me lapsed into an unresponsive stance. He smiled. "I know this won't be easy. But, please, let me.... Trust me on this."

I thought about this for a moment and then looked straight into his eyes. "Well," I said at last, "the way I see it, no one has ever handled my problems better than you did."

A playful smile spread over his face.

I sighed in relief. "I must tolerate your presence until my graduation, then."

Khalid threw his head back laughing like a little kid. "Maybe even after that."

I smiled. His words made me warm all over.

Khalid stepped back, walking past me. "I'll see you later, Mel."

"At our next meeting?" I asked.

He stopped. Standing there, in the middle of nearly frozen garden, he looked over at me and smiled. "Sure. If you find any trouble, let me know."

I watched him walking toward the N building. I took my surrounding, the flowers went dormant for the winter, but my heart was blossoming. By the time I stumbled back to my dorm and bathed, I just wanted to slink beneath the covers.

Inasmuch as it could, life returned to normal after that. Winter break was coming. Everyone was busily planning their holiday and stuffs. Aisha and I, well, we tried our best to keep up. We were excited too, of course. Who didn't like holiday?

Aisha did no more cutting. The doctor prescribed her—an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety drug again, I couldn't remember which—that made her feel better. Mostly it just kept her normal and feeling stable. Which was a good thing—because she had some other issues to deal with. I told her constantly that everyone could have had both good and bad sides, like we all do. She could finally be herself.

One day, I left the dorm for a morning walk.  I felt better about life than I had in a very long time. Just then, I saw the first fall of snow and how it glistened as it fell. A chill ran down my spine, and I started to back up. Then the truth hit me.

Love which was done while disobeying Allah was usually broken, ended up in hurt, and both people ended up as enemies, or went down for other evil after this, unless Allah saved them, and blessed them with His guidance. I decided, I wanted to be like a melting snow. I wanted to wash myself of myself. I needed Allah's protection, and the one who guarded me and cared for me.
I wouldn't let my faith fade away, no matter what.

As the city turned to be barren cold, I glanced at sky. I saw the sun rising on the horizon. A lovely apricot sky with flames in it, and then solemn pink. Finally, I could see it, there's hope.

At the end of the day, you put all the work in, and eventually it would pay off. It could be in a week. It could be in two years. Eventually, your hard work would pay off. I mean, how hard could that be?

- THE END?-

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