the road home // josh kiszka

face down in the moment

tw: mentions of death, illness, caretaking

chapter song: face down in the moment-nathaniel rateliff & the night sweats

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march 2016

When Y/N arrived at the Kiszka residence, Josh could instantly tell that something was off. He didn't want to pry, but he wanted to be someone that she could confide in. She was probably keeping her emotional distance from him because he hadn't responded to her in weeks, especially after she had allowed herself to be vulnerable with him. He made a mental note to earn her trust back. Although Josh wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship just yet, he knew that Y/N was way too special to let slip out of his life.

She got out of her car and brought flowers out from the passenger seat, handing them to Josh and giving him a one-armed hug. He smiled a tight lip smile. He tried with every ounce of energy that he had left in his body to not break down right then. Just seeing her brought him such a sense of comfort that made the stress from the past few weeks come flooding through his body, and oh god did he miss her.

"Hey, how are you doing?" she asked, her expression laced with concern. She rubbed Josh's arm, providing comfort.

"I'm hanging in there. I'm honestly probably holding up better than my youngest brother and mom."

She nodded, knowingly.

"Is there anything that I can do to help?"

"No, thank you though." Josh smiled.

"Josh, please let me help."

"Okay, I'll have you help me with grandma's dinner if that's okay."

"Of course." She nodded.

Josh led her inside and into the kitchen. The air of the house was tense and laced with sadness. It was a completely different energy than she expected the Kiszka household to be. It was a beautiful house, but she didn't feel the need to comment on that to Mrs. Kiszka right now. Josh's mom and who she could assume was his youngest brother sat solemnly in the living room. She nodded at them, and Mrs. Kiszka returned her gesture with a tight lip smile.

Josh took her hand, "Come." He said, leading her into the kitchen.

She complied. Josh and her prepared assorted soft foods for his grandmother and cut them into small portions so that she could chew them easily. He put the plate on a tray, along with her medicines, and carried them to her bedroom.

"You don't have to come in if you don't want to. I wouldn't be offended." He said, standing outside his grandmother's bedroom.

"I'm there if you want me." She said.

The truth was, she didn't know how to be there for Josh. She didn't know what to do or what to say. When her grandmother had passed away, she had been far too young to remember the details of the time before, when she had fallen ill. Even though she was older now, she wasn't sure she was old enough to feel the weight of the situation. Could you ever really be considered old enough to deal with the death of a loved one?

"Would you be there with me?" He asked.

She nodded, mentally preparing herself to be his rock. He knocked lightly at the door and there was no response. He pushed the door open anyway and turned to face her. Confusion threaded through her expression.

"I still want to be considerate, although she doesn't give me a response." He smiled, slightly.

She didn't know how she expected Josh to be, but this was far from what she imagined. He was so much softer than his outer appearance had let on. He cared so deeply for those who were in his life, and she could feel the love practically radiating from him. Evan had never been like this, he had never let anyone in, and he cut off ties with anyone whenever things got any less than convenient. She shook her head. She couldn't be thinking about him right now. She had to be there for Josh. There was no room for that.