the road home // josh kiszka

bluer than blue

chapter song: bluer than blue- michael johnson

a/n: short chapter this week! bigger updates coming soon! thank you for all your love on this story so far <3 x

//

february 2017

-YOUR POV-

My head was pounding and the light coming in from the window wasn't helping in the least bit. There was a soft knock at my door.

"Come in." I groaned.

Reina entered with a glass of water and some aspirin in hand.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" She asked, concerned

"I feel like my brain is rotting from the inside out. What even happened last night?"

"You want the full story?" She raised an eyebrow, debating whether it was worth it

I nodded.

"You saw Josh with a woman and came straight over to me at the bar and started throwing shots back faster than I could blink. Before I knew it, you were so drunk and I brought you back home. You spent a majority of the night by the toilet, vomiting."

"Great, so I embarrassed myself in front of Josh while he was with a different woman."

I groaned, falling back into bed, wanting to hide there for the rest of my life.

"It's not that bad. Plus, Josh came over to me, clearly worried about you as I was taking you home. That has to mean something right?" She asked, desperately.

"I don't know, Reina. Evan told him we were dating."

"Why the hell would he do that?" she asked, astonished.

"He said Josh was looking at me some kind of way, and he wanted to make it clear I was off limits."

"Oh yeah, Josh has been in love with you."

"What?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't caught on. That boy has been head over heels ever since I have seen him first spend time with you. Anyone would have noticed it."

"He is not. Besides, if he was 'head over heels', wouldn't he have said something by now? We've known each other for so long already."

"Maybe he was just waiting for the right time to say anything." Reina shrugged.

"I'm calling bullshit."

"Well you obviously return the feelings, so I don't know why you're fighting this so hard."

"I do not."

She just raised an eyebrow at me like I was the dumbest human in the world in that second.

"You've barely missed one performance they've played, oh, and let's not forget the time you went to Frankenmuth on a whim when he said he needed you." she said, matter-of-factly.

"That proves nothing." I said, after a solid minute of silence.

"Fight it all you want, but you have to go talk to him either way."

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

josh:

hey, can we talk?

"I think you summoned him." I laughed, showing Reina his message.

my phone buzzed again, and Reina rolled her eyes. I turned the phone around to face me and saw a message from Evan.

shithead 💩:

We're done by the way.

I couldn't help but let out a laugh.

me:

???

shithead 💩:

I don't want to deal with all the crying again. You need to grow up.

I typed out a message and deleted it over and over again. That's when I realized that nothing I said would get through to him and it was so much energy I would be wasting by trying to argue with him.

me:

okay 👍

I blocked him and tried to push it out of my head. I felt a single tear rolling down my face and I silently begged it to be the last. I wasn't necessarily crying over him, more so the fact that I let him hurt me twice, and it was starting to feel like I was unlovable. I didn't feel like my authentic self, I felt like a burden. I was always the second choice. The last time Evan had sent a text similar to that to me, it was the night after he had cheated on me with somebody else. This was probably the same scenario, only he would throw it in my face that we weren't really together, so it wasn't technically cheating. I had no energy left to deal with him anymore.

"You okay?" Reina asked.

I nodded, unable to mold my emotions into a concise thought or feeling.

"I, uh, think I need to go see Josh." I managed after a few minutes.

"Sweetie, I don't think that's a good idea right now." She said, looking concerned.

"I know, but if he has something hurtful to say, at least it'll be tearing the bandage off at one time."

"I see what you're saying, but--"

"Reina, I'll be fine, I promise." I tried giving her a smile.

me:

okay, let's talk.