Marvel Mental Health one shots

*Bucky x y/n

WARNINGS: Eating disorder, talk about eating and purging, throwing up, being caught

REQUEST:  Y/n is insecure and starts skipping meals and purging whenever they do eat. Bucky finds out after catching them googling a 'do I have an eating disorder' quiz and helps them after they open up. 

PRONOUNS: They/them - none mentioned/safe for all

NICKNAMES: Doll, baby

***

You couldn't quite remember when you started thinking this way. 
And you didn't know how it got this bad - but right now you were sat at the dinner table holding Bucky's hand as he counted you down for your first bite of food for the day. 

You did know it started with your looks. 
How obsessed you were over how your stomach fell when you were wearing jeans, how your thighs looked when you walked, whether you had a double chin by the way you held your head. 

In order to change your looks you begun to skip meals when you felt bad about yourself. 
Then skipping when you felt bad about yourself became only 2 meals a day and from there it became one and one trip to the toilet to relieve the guilt that build up in your gut. 

Remembering back to yesterday when you were sat in your room by yourself when your mind wondered. 
You'd noticed how weak you'd got - though you tried to ignore it, it followed you around like a lost puppy. 

You knew what was going on. 
You knew what those late nights staring endlessly into the mirror had caused. 
You knew you couldn't admit it. 

And so there you sat, phone in hand, finding yourself typing out 

'characteristics of an eating disorder?'

'what does an eating disorder look like?'

'how do I know if I have an eating disorder?'

As you scrolled through the endless minefield of google and reading all the useless answers it brings up - a quiz popped up. 

At this point you felt bile rise in your throat, in reality you knew the truth, but accepting it was the issue. 
You were stuck in your own mind, completely zoned out to the world - that and your partner is a highly trained ex-assassin and moves around without making a sound. 
The first you knew of him was when he grabbed you phone right from your grasp. 

Spinning around to him you made yourself dizzy, nearly causing you to fall to the ground but a metal arm caught you and pulled you into his body. 

Before there was a chance for any protests from your side, you were sat on your bed with Bucky kneeling infront of you. 
B:" Why are you googling that doll?"
Bucky was facing the same doubt you were - he knew why you were googling it, he'd noticed a shift in your behaviour around food, but he didn't want to admit to himself that his baby, his doll, was sick. 

y/n:" I- umm was just checking something"
It was silent for a while, neither of you knowing what to say. 
Bucky broke the silence

B:" You have an eating disorder"
You couldn't quite figure out if he was asking or just stating it. 
B:" What eating disorder do you have?"
Looking down at him, you realised he was already looking at you. 
y/n:" I don't know"
B:" Well what are you going through doll?"

y/n:" I don't want to tell you"
Bucky hesitated for a second, he seemed torn on what he was going to say.
B:" Okay. I'm not going to pressure you to tell me but I want you to know that no matter what it is - anorexia, purging, whatever - I will stand by you and support you however you need, understood?"

y/n:" It's both of those"
B:" What?"
y/n:" The two disorders you just said. It's both of those"
He nodded for a few seconds, his lips formed a thin line, he was thinking. 

B:" Okay, how do you want me to support you?"
y/n:" I don't know"

And so that's how you got to where you were right now, holding Bucky's hand as he counted down to your first bite of food. 

A/N: how are you all doing? 

I've finally finished school today. I still have exams but I'm on study leave so after next week I should be back to normal posting - finally!!! 

I want to thank all of you for being so patient with me and still sticking around - even though some of you have been waiting months for your request. 

I love you all and I hope you have a lovely day - you're all beautiful and amazing people. 

xxx

(757 words)