To Have & To Hold

The Endless Cycle

Marie's POV: 

peacefully, i drifted off to sleep on his chest, that was the thing about pregnancy hormones, constantly taking naps was becoming a daily thing. But not once, did i think Drew would fall asleep with me. We both woke up from the sudden noise, of Halle closing the front door and arriving home from her work event. We looked at each other and pulled away, as he helped me off the floor. The two of us walked downstairs to greet Halle, as she asked me how i was and if had taken my vitamins yet. 

A couple of weeks later,  i was starting to feel like as though i was under house arrest. Not being able to leave this house, because of paparazzi and the risk of being exposed. Was truly starting to bother me. I can understand that Halle and Drew didn't wanna risk anything yet. But now my mind was convincing me this rule was absurd. But nonetheless, i needed to succumb to there rules. Especially since i was living under there roof. 

I spent a lot of time in the empty baby room, soon they were going to start decorating and putting things in here. But somehow, the room provided me with peace and warmth. It was this room that made me feel like i had escaped this house. I started to think about how Drew and i fell asleep on this hard wood floor together. How comfortable i felt in his arms, as one of them held me, while i laid on his chest. I really want to not feel the way i felt when i'm with him, cause he has Halle, he's married now. And i'm sure he's happy with her. 

And you would think with me knowing all of that, my heart would actually listen, and stop making me feel as though it was pulsating love throughout my entire body. So intense i couldn't breathe. The sensation of our skin touching could ignite my senses so clearly, sending my whole body into overdrive. I was losing myself in an abundance of memories and emotions i hadn't noticed Halle was calling my name. Halle started to talk more about the birth process and the vision she had for the baby room. 

"I wanna know the sex of the baby, i don't wanna be surprised" Halle said, as i nodded and understood that. "In just a month, we can go in for our first ultrasound for the baby! i'm beyond excited to get a look at the baby and hear it's heartbeat." Halle said, as i smiled, happy she was thrilled. "Can i?" she asked, as she looked at my stomach. It was strange for her to ask now, since i wasn't even showing yet, but i nodded. "Sure" i said, as i moved my hands to my sides. She walked over and placed hers on my stomach, the moment was awkward at first, but then sweet regardless. 

There were times when i  got homesick, i would face time Allison and we would discuss ways of me sneaking out and partying together or just coming over to see her. Without alcohol obviously. I still continued to have sessions with my therapist, as i tried to navigate my lingering feelings for Drew. It started to become a routine, of taking vitamins, studying with Halle, as we face timed other doctors and specialists about the process and i could possibly be high risk of. 

Furniture started arriving for the baby room, that brought me solitude. I found myself in the house alone quite a lot, cause Halle was always running errands and Drew was always collaborating or doing something music related. I assume, since they had someone else carrying there child, they didn't need to put there careers and things on hold. 

One night, Halle had fallen asleep to one of our study sessions, as i turned off the TV in the master bedroom and closed my journal of notes. She had fallen asleep with her glasses on, as i helped remove them and then turned off the lamp on the nightstand. I tiptoed out of the room and closed the door behind me. As i heard something making noise in the kitchen, i walked over and flipped the switch on grabbing his attention, as he clutched his chest in fear, before sighing of relief that it was just me. I laughed, leaning against the wall, as he pulled out a beer from the fridge. 

He then shushed me, "Halle has fallen asleep after our one millionth study session" i said, as Drew leaned against the counter, across from me, sipping his beer bottle. i chuckled, "i have no idea why Halle is so obsessed with studying. I mean, there's only so many things i can write before i realize i'm writing the same thing over and over again" i said, as Drew didn't seem amused. "She's scared Marie, we all are" he said, as i realized he was right. 

"She's terrified something could go wrong, and if it does, and she's able to fix it, she wants to prepared. She wants to know that. Sure she can overwork herself when she puts her mind to something and others. But she's just trying to keep you and the baby safe. And i love her for that" he said, as my heart kind of broke when he said that, and jealousy took over my stomach. 

I clutched my stomach out of habit, before Drew noticed, "hey, you okay?" he asked, setting down his bottle and coming over to my side. I half smiled, "i understand, but enough about us, why are you out so late?" i asked, changing the subject. "Real inspiration has no hours, a true artist knows that" he said, as he smiled, raising his bottle and walking over to the master bedroom. But first, he kissed my forehead, "get some sleep, okay?" he whispered, as he slightly caressed my stomach and disappeared down the hall. 

I caught my breath, before turning off the kitchen light and making my way down another hallway to my bedroom. I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. knowing tomorrow was going to be the same probably. But i don't care, i love every moment of this cause, at least i get to be around

Drew.