To Have & To Hold

The Actionable Lie

Marie's POV: 

It was now two weeks later, since i had given birth to Brayleigh, and here i was just like i said i was going to do. Packing my things to leave the Tusgrove's place. Halle was putting Bray down for a nap, trying to feed her and keep her soothed, as i was down the hall, getting ready to leave. This was the plan from the beginning, i would stay, give birth to the child, and once everything was great and settled, back to my old life i would go.

 So then, ...why was my heart telling me to stay? 

It felt like it was in the other room, with Halle, in her arms, as i tried to ignore the unbearable feeling and continue packing. As i grabbed my clothes from the dresser, near the door and stuffed my suitcases. I didn't hear anyone come knocking on my door to stop me, but i could see Drew out of the corner of my eye, standing in the doorway. I didn't want to look at him, cause if i did, there was no way i was leaving. But i couldn't help myself. My eyes met his beautiful brown eyes. "You can't leave Marie, you just can't.. not like this." he pleaded, as i shook my head. 

"Drew this was always the plan and i'm not changing it now" i said, as i walked over to the bathroom to grab my things, from the cabinets. Drew walked into the room, and closed the door behind him. I walked back into the room, placing my things inside another suitcase, as he tugged my arm, so i would stop packing and face him. I remember when i was pregnant with Brayleigh and every time he and i would touch, she would kick. 

I clutched my stomach for comfort, as it made me wanna start bawling, as i forced myself not to cry. He pulled me closer to him, as i looked up at him. "Just answer one question, that night wasn't a mistake. It wasn't for me, but was it really for you?" he said, "Drew..." i whispered, as i closed my eyes, taking a breath. He caressed my face, as my heart begged for me to say the truth, but i wouldn't. I held my tongue. After all, i have been telling him that night was a mistake and now he wants me to say it again? Why? to twist the knife some more? to throw it in his face? 

Or maybe he thought since i had given birth to our daughter i had changed my mind about that "mistake". And come to think of it.. why was i stopping myself? why couldn't i just say, it was a mistake and then move on. "Marie, look into my eyes and tell me, cause if you can, i'll let you walk out that door. Out of our daughter's life, and never see her or me.. again. It would be that easy. But if you can't, then you have to stay. And you and i can tell Halle the truth, so that Brayleigh won't have to live a lie." he said, as i looked at him. 

I could see the fear in his eyes and it made me angry that he even doubted my response for one second. But what was crazy, was that in a that second, i was actually relieved. And maybe he would assume that night was a mistake, cause then it would be easier for me to leave. But i also knew that if i did it say it was, then Brayleigh would of been a mistake. And she isn't. But she was born into a lie. And she doesn't deserve that. I clutched his hand on my cheek, as i felt our skin ignite from each other's touch. 

Even when we made love that night, he had done the same thing afterwards, caressing me and saying, he was in love with me. My eyes found his, "of course it wasn't a mistake, there's not a day that goes by, where i can get that night off my mind. Not only does my mind remember it, so does my body, my heart, and my soul. The night we created our daughter, that memory will be engraved into my existence. My life didn't begin until that moment, when i was reborn again. Like a revival" i said, as his eyes peered into mine, with such passion i could burst.

"But it doesn't matter..." i said, as i pulled away, cause i could see he desired to kiss me. To recreate that night. "Of course it matters, that night wasn't a mistake Marie, and Brayleigh is living proof of that!" Drew said, as i almost cried, turning away from him. "Stop Drew.." i said, trying to pack my clothes again. "Stop what? saying the truth? admitting the truth because won't? God Marie, how can you say all that and that tell me it doesn't matter?!" He argued, as i glared at him. 

"Because Drew! you're a married man! and i'm not some homewrecker, here to swoop in and sleep with you, as well as get pregnant in the process! My weakness might be that i'm in love with you, but my strength is the fact that i know we're toxic for each other and that you belong with Halle!" i said, as he was stunned. "Realizing that what i desire is not worth more that what i deserve as well as what Halle deserves, that's what makes me strong. It's what makes me a better person Drew!" i said, as he was furious. 

"You think Halle deserves to be lied to? that Bray deserves to grow up without her birth mother and instead... into a lie?" he argued, as i groaned. "God Drew! i'm doing what's best for everyone!" i screamed, as he sighed and then clenched his jaw. "Then why is it, everyone still gets hurt in the end? Everyone still gets lied too? i mean.. what do you even want from me Marie, from anyone, cause i don't understand it" he said, as his tone was softening. 

"I just want you to be happy, like the way you use to be when we met up to say goodbye or when we met to do the break up song." i said, as i wiped my tears. "Marie that guy was brainwashed" he said, as i shook my head. "No, that guy was in love cause Halle brought out the better part of you." i said, as he shook his head. "No, that guy was in love with an idea of what he thought was the better part of him, which was suppose to be Halle. But in reality, he's been lying to himself for three years cause he had never gotten over you." Drew said, as i folded my arms. 

"Then why did you get married?" i asked, as he stepped closer to me. "Marie, i got married cause you always pushed me away. Saying you needed time to heal, and i knew you needed time to heal from me and the lies, the cheating you assumed i did, everything i put you through. Even though i never did any of that. But i couldn't convince you other wise no matter what i did, cause we were kids back then, you were insecure and i was a dick. So i married Halle, cause i started listening to everyone around me, that she and i were great together. And deep down i felt like i was doing you a favor, i was letting you go. Hoping that someday, you would find someone who brings out the better in you." he said, as i sighed, thinking and eyeing the floor. "But even when i did that, even when i was mad at you, even when you were accusing me of things, screaming at me, or calling me names. Doing everything you could to push me away or hurt me. Marie it didn't matter, cause i was still so in love with you, every aspect of you, it consumed it. And it always will." he said, as i was breathless. 

 "then..maybe sleeping with you was something i can never admit was a mistake. But staying in your life after your marriage, going behind Halle's back, and accepting to do the surrogacy was." i said, as tears fell out of my eyes. He looked at me devastated, as my heart shattered. But i watched as he got angry, stepping even closer to me. "Marie, if you really believed that then Brayleigh wouldn't even be here." he said. 

But of course i didn't mean that, i just needed to say whatever i could to hurt him. 

Hurt him so badly, he couldn't love me anymore, cause it would hurt to much to do so. 

And before i could say another heartbreaking line, he kisses me. But this was a different kind of kiss, almost like he was sucking the lies right out of my mouth and a wave of truth spoke louder through our actions. I brought my hands to his chest to push him off, but they felt weak against his body, as his hands found my waist and pulled me closer. I moaned in satisfaction within the kiss, as i gave in to the overpowering love, that took over my senses. 

My arms wrapped around his neck, my eyes closed, as he kissed me more. Our bodies against each other, hearts pounding and lips transitioning back and forth between kisses. I pulled away slowly, as we tried to catch our breath. "Lie to me all you want Marie, but your actions will always speak the truth." he said, "you can't push me away" he said, as he held me. 

I rested my head against his chest, as we held each other. I didn't even need to stay it, and neither did he. Cause at this point it was obvious, i was staying. I eventually convinced Halle i could be of use with the baby, like a nanny of some sort. Since there were times where Halle was struggling and needed support.