The Switch

Hurt

Namjoon's POV

I drove through the streets, desperate to get to your apartment. The longer it took to get there, the longer you thought I didn't love you. And it seemed like everyone was out driving tonight. The streets were incredibly crowded and every red light seemed to catch me.

I thought about pulling over to call you, but I'm not sure you would have answered. So I had to show up in person.

It didn't matter how scarred or broken I was. I wanted to take that chance with you. I wanted you to prove to me just one more time that you weren't like the rest.

I was right around the corner from your apartment when I noticed your car in the parking lot of a small diner. I couldn't help but feel hurt, thinking about you sitting at a diner alone, having dinner. You wanted to have dinner with me but I messed that up.

You wanted me. It still blew my mind but I was coming to accept it. I could be okay letting you in. And I would tell you eventually about my past so you could understand why I am the way I am. Or was, before I met you.

I pulled into the parking lot rather quickly, and parked right by the window of the diner. And that's when I saw you.

You were sitting at a table with the same guy from the club that night. And to make matters worse, he was flirting with you. And you looked like you were enjoying it.

I felt my heart fall. My throat was dry. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I had been abandoned once again. But I couldn't be mad at you for it because I'm the one that pushed you away. I made you think that I didn't want to be with you, that I didn't love you. When it wasn't true.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I watched the two of you from my car. He had playfully taken your phone and you were trying to get to him across the table. I wanted that with you.

I wanted to have cute interactions with you, not just sex. I wanted the late night diner dates. I wanted to come home to you after work. I wanted to give you the world.

The last two weeks of slowly getting to know you had proven my feelings for you. But as I watched you in the diner with him, I felt as if my one chance was gone.

The idea of storming in there and stealing you away from him crossed my mind, but would you come with me? Would I just embarrass you? Would you even want to see me right now? He was probably making you happier than I could anyway. Who was I to take away your happiness? That was all I wanted, was for you to be happy.

I put my seatbelt back on and slowly pulled out of the parking lot. The further I got down the street, the more my vision kept getting blurry. I reached up to rub my eye with one hand and realized I was crying.

I wasn't sure why, but I felt heartbroken. You hadn't done anything on purpose, but I felt like everything was over between us. Like I had lost you. And that feeling hurt me deeper than I could understand.

I finally pulled into my driveway and rested my head on the steering wheel, letting my emotions take over. I cried until my eyes burned dry and I had no tears left.

After I had gotten myself together, I pulled out my phone and opened the messages between you and I. Your last message to me still sat there, unanswered from earlier today. Why hadn't I just answered you?

It hurt me to know that we were on two different pages. You thought I didn't want to be with you because that's what I told you. But in reality, I wasn't sure I could be without you. Not understanding my own true feelings had put us here and now I didn't know if I could fix it.

I started typing out a huge message to you, but then I decided against it. I erased all of my outpour of feelings and decided to go with a more simpler message that might not hurt you as much. I didn't want you to feel like you did anything wrong.

Me: I don't want to stand in the way of you finding true happiness. I hope he gives you what I couldn't.

I sent the message and debated on turning off my phone afterwards. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what your reply would be. But something inside of me told me not to.

It only took about 2 minutes before my phone buzzed as my screen lit up with your name. My stomach did flips as I unlocked my phone.

Y/n: Joon...

I told you I hated that nickname..but I actually loved it coming from you. It was cute. It told me that you cared enough to give me a pet name.

Another text came through right after that one that gave me even just a shred of hope.

Y/n: Can we please talk?

I stared at the screen, not knowing what to say next. But I didn't want to let this slip through my fingers. So I decided to come right out and be honest with you. I couldn't let you get away from me again. If I had another opportunity to get you out of that other guy's arms and back into mine, I had to take it.

Me: Yes we can baby girl. I need to tell you how I feel about you.