I wait out
In an Ivory tower of isolation,
Scoffing at people who dare attempt
To help me down.
How dare they look at me like a damsel in distress.
They do not know
How cold I can be
How monstrous whatever lies beneath is.
They'd call me a monster,
A dragon if they knew.
Almost narcissist in my claims
Of not needing something as lowly as having to rely on anyone.
Almost proud of the fact
That something as fickle as the desire for love does not warm my heart.
Almost completely honest,
About being at peace alone in my tower.
Almost.
And so when another hailstorm of rocks
Patter on my window,
I prepare my words once again.
Instead I face
A reptilian gaze
Mirroring mine.
Startled for a moment,
The moment they seize to slip in.
The urge to shove them back out,
To restore my solitude
Should be overwhelming,
But it's silenced
By the softness of their presence.
Refusing to fall prey to such comforts again,
I steel myself.
Summoning that familiar coldness over my heart.
Sucking in the air through my teeth.
Everything short of dipping myself in molten metal.
Refuse it.
Refuse everyone.
I will not let myself be hurt again.
They make their move.
I reach for my weapon.
I am
Immobilized.
Their body fitting into mine.
I am shattering.
Is this how I die?
Memories bubble to the surface,
This is an embrace.
Words mumbled into my ear
I hear nothing but the melody of a familiar voice.
It's shattering,
My heart.
And along with it my tower shudders.
No not again.
Please.
Falling with the debris,
I await the vastness of the void that will open up
As soon as my heart gives way
But it never comes.
There are hands over my chest.
There is a warmth oozing out of me.
Am I bleeding out?
"Breathe".
I do,
And it feels the first lungful of air I've ever taken.
It's sharp and it hurts
But it reaches every inch of me.
The blood drips down
Landing on blades of grass.
The sky above is orange,
The softness of the sun is unmatched
By the softness of this embrace.
If there was anyone who could've brought me down from my self imposed prison,
It would be you.
People begin to kneel around me,
Running their hands over my body.
The pain flashes white
And I look into your eyes.
"Let it hurt".
It does
The pain is almost unbearable,
Experiencing it feels like losing a fundamental part of myself.
I want to be a monster,
Unyielding.
Alas I am not.
I have loved and lost.
I have caused hurt and been hurt.
And this existence is nothing more
Than soft respites sprinkled between calamities.
This is what is means to be a person.
