I cradle the fragments of fading love
Gently in my palms.
How much longer am I allowed to roam this world,
Carrying this with me?
I don't want to part with it.
The shape of it in my grasp,
The soft ache in my chest when I remember it,
It's all too familiar to want to let go.
It probably isn't good
To be holed up in the dark,
Running my fingers over the fading paint
On gifts made with so much love.
Reading and rereading letters before departing on journeys,
Making sure my tears don't stain the yellowed paper.
Laughing at old notes passed in class
And racking my mind
In an attempt to decipher forgotten inside jokes.
Looking at my childish scrawl
On cards that were safely kept away.
Listening to old playlists despite the music
Burning me to the very core.
Filling the walls in my mind
With it all.
It's seems my grief as leeched into every aspect of me.
Colouring me blue.
People said navy blue suited me.
Oh well.
Perhaps another way of looking at it could be
That this loss has allowed me
To feel the sadness of everything else.
The sadness that I tried so very hard to ignore.
It's insistent banging in the corner of my mind.
Somehow it slipped through.
Maybe it's for the best.
Maybe I'm so far gone
That being destroyed from the inside out
By my own overwhelming grief
Is my only salvation.
The only thing keeping me from self destruction
Are these scraps of memories,
The love saturating them,
Giving them a rosey hue.
And so I have no choice
But to trudge forth,
And keep the love in the space between my ribs.
