Why did you need to vanish?
Like smoke in a strong breeze.
You were here
Your hand in mine
And I thought the rest of eternity
Would be us looking through the window together.
The harsh beeping of machinery fades into the background
As the I tried so very hard to carve every feature on your face
Into memory.
And then you were gone.
All that was left was indentations on sheets and in hearts,
And blood on gleaming metal.
I know you didn't leave me behind
But it's hard not to feel that way.
It's not enough that your memory
Is laced around in the sharp edges of my heart
Like poison
That pierces me and leaves me feeling heavy for days.
It's not enough that shared memories linger in rooms like a fading odour,
Their colour bleaching slowly like wood under the sun.
Haunt me I beg you.
I can't deal with forgetting you.
The heavy chains of grief around my heart,
The agonizing wrenching of guilt in my stomach
Are nothing compared to the great ordeal
That is forgetting you.
I would gladly live lifetimes carrying this familiar grief
Than let whatever I have left of you go.
My chest is open to the sky.
Let the rain fall,
Let it drip into the void you left behind.
I don't have it in me to live without you.
Posses me like enranged spirit.
Like a haunted house,
I will make your presence known.
I will shelter you.
You could tear at my body from the inside out
And I would be ever grateful.
